When What We Want is Not What We Need: The Happiness Version

June 21st, 2010

A while back, a friend texted me a question. What did I think, she asked, that she needed in order to be happy in her relationship? Now, I now what she meant and what she wanted me to say. She was hoping for a list along these lines:

  • You need someone who listens to you
  • and cares about your feelings
  • and makes time for you
  • and shows you how much you matter

These things are certainly all well and good. I do like to experience them when I am in a relationship. Yet, I did not give her that answer. Instead, I told her it was a trick question because I recognized that she was thinking about what she wanted instead of what she needed.

To put it plainly, by framing her question and attitude in that way, she is relying on external forces in order to be happy. Her happiness depends on someone else’s decision to be nice and caring. She was giving away any power she had to make herself happy. I have come to recognize that as a dangerous thing and I could not live with myself if I let the idea perpetuate.

So I told her that she didn’t need a relationship in order to be happy. All she needed was to recognize the things of value in her life: her friends and family, her pets, the opportunities she has had and will have, her youth. As you can guess, she didn’t take this very well. She wanted the answer her way and while I can understand that, she didn’t realize how unproductive and potentially damaging her perception is and will continue to be if she does not change it.

I know because it’s one of those things I have been working on changing about myself. I don’t leave things to fate or destiny, anymore. No, the fate of my happiness is in my own hands. It makes no sense for me to wait for something to occur (like finding the perfect job, perhaps) or for someone to do something (as much as I would love for my husband to see my side in things). That’s just wasting time I could already spend being happy by recognizing the things about my life that already are awesome.

After all, we will always be waiting to overcome some sort of obstacle. That is just how life works. The obstacles only stop when you’re dead and, even then, I can’t be sure there aren’t more challenges to face. No, happiness is not waiting until life becomes “easy” but recognizing what you have even when you also have challenges.

So I wasn’t about to tell my friend that she should wait for someone else to do X, Y and Z because I know that won’t help her ultimately be happy. The habit of waiting for external forces to make you happy is far too easy to develop and far too difficult to break down.

She saw me as difficult but I know better; I was being a good friend in the long run and we all need those from time to time.

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Categories: Advice, Articles

Nexus G-Play Trio

June 20th, 2010

Nexus G-Play Trio

Nexus G-Play Trio
$86 from Amazon

Note that the current version of the G-Play Trio has internal, rechargeable motors, which will likely have vibrations different from those I experienced. 

The G-Play set from Nexus is a great combination of silicone P- or G-spot stimulators. Ranging in size, these silicone vibrators are suitable for anal beginners as well as more experienced aficionados. Like most Nexus products, the G-play set can also be used vaginally.

This isn’t my first experience with a Nexus product. There was Chloe, which bombed horribly, and the G-Rider, a similarly crafted vibrator. I wasn’t in love with that piece because I was looking for a vaginal/G-spot toy and it may have been a better anal fit. My expectations with the G-play trio were a bit more on target.

The first thing I noticed about this set is the little “touch me” circle of silicone on the box. I’ve seen that on a lot of Cyberskin pussies and similar toys, but never for silicone. It’s a great idea and impressed me with the amount of detail Nexus puts into their toys.

The three pieces in the set are obviously graduated in size. The smallest vibrator (light purple), which is only available in this set, is only a little larger than a pinky finger at 2.72″ long and .23″ wide. It’s unassuming, even if you’re a nervous beginner. I’m not exactly a beginner, but my forays into anal play have been few and far between these recent years.

The medium-sized (red) piece is about twice the size at 3.32″ in length and a diameter of .43″. The large piece tops off the set with a length of 3.64″ and a diameter of .51″. Note that these pieces are more ovular than they are round, so while the largest vibe may look as “wide” as a penis, it’s not as girthy as one.

Each of these vibrators is powered by a single battery–which Nexus includes. G-play small requires one AAAA, while the medium and large use AAAs. Don’t expect too much from the vibrations, however. The small and medium G-plays are single-speed, continuous vibrations of the buzzy sort, while the large has 5 settings. The vibrators are easy enough to work with a single push button. It’s mostly flush with the base, though, so it could become a little hard to find with lube in the picture.

And you should probably use a quality water-based lube because the anus is not self-lubricating. The velvety silicone doesn’t offer an extreme amount of drag, but it’s not quite as slick as smooth plastic. Nexus designed the G-Play trio with a flat, narrow base. It’s not like most anal plugs that flare out, but the base is larger than the insertable portion, making them safe for anal play.

I appreciate that the bases tend to be long but narrow. I’ve had issues with plugs and large bases because the base struggles to be in the same place that the rest of my ass is in.

When inserting any of the G-play vibes, you may not be able to go directly in because the shaft doesn’t follow a straight path like your typical plug. In addition to this, I know some people prefer to point angled heads on anal toys toward the back, instead of the front, for comfort reasons. Others, of course, can take advantage of this for P-spot stimulation.

I had my husband insert the smaller G-Play, and it went in easily enough despite the rigidity and curved head. It also came out quite easily with the long, narrow base and didn’t leave any discomfort. Use was easy–he just pressed a button. Still, it wasn’t ideal. The shaft isn’t much wider than the neck, so the small G-play kept wanting to slip out. During vaginal intercourse, he had to hold it in to keep it in place. While I suspect this would be less of an issue with the larger vibes, the shapes are very similar and proportionate. Don’t expect any G-play to stay in while doing jumping jacks.

Also, the vibrations weren’t impressive. When he was thrusting, I couldn’t feel them at all. I wasn’t sure what to expect from my first vibrating anal toy, and I’m still not sure if I like anal vibrations, but I’m definitely sure AAAA batteries will not cut it!

As I mentioned, these can be used vaginally. I opted to try the middle size and wasn’t overly impressed. The shaft managed to find my shallow G-spot, but the rigid, hooked head was busy poking other parts of my vagina. Its shape isn’t really friendly toward my anatomy, and I didn’t try the large G-Play because I knew it would only be pokier.

I discovered something interesting about this set, as well. The vibration portion is actually a thin, plastic shaft that connects to a wider base. The silicone sleeves on each G-Play can be pulled off of these bases and bleached or boiled to sanitize and wipe down the plastic with alcohol as well. This is kinda cool because, while the G-Rider is silicone, I don’t feel like it’s as safe to share as this set is.

Ultimately, the G-Play Trio went into a drawer, soon to be forgotten. However, Nexus wasn’t done with them because the company upgraded them to rechargeable motors, which might resolve some of my complaints with the original design.

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Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

No News is Good News

June 17th, 2010

At least when it comes to paps and STD testing. It’s been a few weeks now and I’ve not heard anything back. It’s good to have one less thing to worry about in my life.

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Categories: Everything Else

Peace Reflections Glass Vibe

June 15th, 2010

Peace Reflections Glass Vibe

Peace Reflections Glass Vibe
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

This is my first vibrating piece of glass, and I knew fairly well what to expect. Glass vibrators typically consist of a glass sleeve that fits snugly over a regular vibe of some sort, and I’ve used a handful of glass pieces now, so I know their feel and temperature properties well. It’s something else to put them together, though.

The first thing I noticed about the Peace Reflections Glass Vibe was its looks. The piece beneath the glass is painted a metallic purple, and with the glass atop it, the whole thing looks almost.. silky. It sounds weird, but that is exactly what springs to mind. The glass itself has several ridges around the straight shaft; they are slightly diagonal. This vibe has a rather pronounced head; it bulges outward from the shaft and tapers toward the end at a rounded point. I probably wouldn’t recommend Peace Reflections to a toy newbie because of this.

Numbers-wise, the majority of the shaft has a diameter of 1.32″ inches, and the widest part of the head has a diameter of 1.51″. Peace Reflections Glass Vibe isn’t very long and only measures 6″ total, about 5 of which are insertable.

My experience with the shape of this vibe was quite interesting. It doesn’t take much to reach my G-spot most days because it’s so shallow; in fact, even straight toys can usually do it decently, but this was not the case with this vibe. It just didn’t stimulate my G-spot with any sort of consistency. I think that it’s a bit difficult for me to wield because it’s short and so are my arms. A longer toy or a longer handle would be great. I imagine this toy would be even more frustrating if your G-spot happens to be really deep or your pubic bone is curved.

Still, Peace Reflections Glass Vibe was easy to insert, even without any lube. The glass is smooth and slick and will be cold to the touch unless you warm it (in warm water) first. If you wish, you can use water or silicone-based lubes.

I didn’t feel the ridges much when it came to straight thrusting but they were quite obvious if i twisted or turned the vibe. Actually, I didn’t particularly like this sensation, so I guess I’m glad I couldn’t feel them at any other time.

When I first used the Peace Reflections Glass Vibe, I could definitely feel the rigidity of the glass. My vagina was really sensitive that day, and it was too much for me to take. Subsequent uses have not proven to be as uncomfortable, however. I would warn that you be careful with rigid toys like glass, especially during partner play. It’s definitely easy to make a quick movement that can cause pain or discomfort when a toy is this unforgiving.

Even though I didn’t love the Peace Reflections Glass Vibe for internal play, the gently rounded head felt nice for clitoral stimulation. I sort of used the side of the head, and away we went.

The vibratory powers of this toy probably won’t blow you away. Peace Reflections Glass Vibe runs on a single AA, has three steady levels of vibration and operates with a single push button at the base of the toy. It’s quite buzzy, but the levels are distinct from one another. The noise output of this vibe is really quite minimal; although, the highest setting does have a little whine to it.

The glass is ridiculously easy to clean, and you can wash the Peace Reflections Glass Vibe with soap and water because there is an O-ring between the battery cap and the toy. This makes it safe to bring in the shower, but the glass can get quite slippery, so you might want to stick to dry, soft surfaces with this one.

For less than $25, you could really do worse. It’s definitely a cheaper option to explore glass.

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Make love to your long distance lover online

Am I?

June 14th, 2010

So I guess Cin thinks I’m a beautiful blogger and she wanted to pass on this award to me. I don’t know how she ever would have gotten that impression but I’ll take it either way. It’s not without requirements, however.

The rules of the game are:

  1. Give this award to 3 other persons.
  2. Name 7 things your readers may not know about you.

I Pick Jules, Rockin and Kay.

As for 7 things you may not know about me?

  1. I get really sappy over emotional things. Like the story about the girl’s dad who was made her a graduation video before he deployed and the school played it on the big screen during the ceremony? Military stuff really gets me. So does pretty much everything on sites like GivesMeHope. My husband says it’s cause I “have heart.” I don’t know.
  2. I have no blood relation to one set of my grandparents but they are grandparents in every other sense of the phrase. <3
  3. I desperately want to believe in love over everything else. Love is really all I need to survive happily.
  4. I’ve only had sex with one person.
  5. I Love Mountain Dew. Seriously. A lot. I don’t talk about it much here on this blog, though.
  6. I got my first job at 16, as a cashier at a grocery store. I was laid off a day after my 17th birthday because the company who owned the store went bankrupt and our store closed.
  7. Someone once described my voice using the words “Midwest Minnie Mouse.”

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Eden Waterproof Body Blossom

June 9th, 2010

Eden Waterproof Body Blossom

Eden Waterproof Body Blossom
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

Another dual stimulator? Yea! I love the idea. It’s why I’ve tried the Rock Chick, Mini G-rock, G-Ki, Gia, Adonis and Delight–not to mention a few non “c-shaped” toys. And I’ve got the Ultimate Satisfier waiting to be reviewed, too.

The Waterproof Body Blossom is part of a line of toys from Adam & Eve that promote their Eden movie. So I suppose the little flower clit stimulator makes sense, even if it’s a bit silly. The Body Blossom’s general shape is similar to the Rock Chick; the insertable portion is fairly straight with an angled head for G-spot stimulation. It’s more angled than round so both parts of the toy rest fairly close together in its natural state. However, the jelly in this toy is much more malleable than the Rock Chick’s silicone so there’s a greater range of movement. The Body Blossom also has 3 little wave-like ridges on the insertable shaft–to match the theme, I suppose.

The whole thing is translucent purple. I haven’t used a jelly toy in a while so I have to admit, I missed the look. There’s a matching purple micro bullet that slips into a snug hole near the clit flower. It’s a pretty generic bullet and operates with a single push button. You can easily replace it with any bullet that comes with silicone dildos (Tantus) and some corded bullets (you’ll probably get more power this way). The bullet takes three watch-style batteries, and Topco provides two sets to the consumer (one set comes in the bullet). Removing the bullet to swap out batteries requires a little finesse  finagling. I added some lube to the bullet before I slipped it back in, but it was still hard to remove again.

As you can expect, the vibrations are extremely buzzy, and while the bullet isn’t overly loud, the noise matches the feel. I was slightly disappointed at how the vibrations traveled throughout the toy. However, my G-spot seemed more sensitive to the vibrations than my hand, which is good. If you’re not as sensitive to vibrations, it might not do you any good.

That is, if the damned bullet works at all for you. From the get-go, the included bullet gave me problems. I tested it out, and the button didn’t seem to do what it was supposed to. I got it turned off–until my cat bumped it or my husband picked it up. Movement was setting this thing off at random times, and the button stopped responding at all. When it came time to use it, I dropped it on the dresser to turn it on and had to let the batteries drain completely before it would shut off. I inserted the second set to see if it was a battery issue but it still doesn’t work in a way I understand. Because of this, I’m not sure if this thing is maybe supposed to have multiple settings or if it just really sucks. Of course, like I said, it’s easy to replace, so even if I were a customer, I wouldn’t try to exchange it or anything.

The jelly of the Body Blossom is phthalate-free, so it doesn’t smell like a shower liner. It has that slightly chemical-ly scent that some TPR toys have, but it’s within reason, I think. It’s a little sticky and will pick up lint and add friction during play. You can use your choice of water or silicone-based lubes. I actually used Wet Synergy, a hybrid lube. Even though I went a little lube-crazy, the Body Blossom just didn’t blossom for my body. The wave ridges made it a bit difficult to maneuver, and I tend to like my G-spot toys with a little less angle to the head.

I also like external pressure a lot, but the flexibility of this toy didn’t provide that. The flower rested gently against my labia. It’s a problem I and others with fleshier vulvas run into with this style of toy; I experienced it with Rock Chick, too. I couldn’t really spread my labia to fix the issue, either. The angle of the toy meant that it kept trying to slip upward toward my mons instead of staying in place. This is pretty typical for this style toy. I can get either G-spot stimulation or clit stimulation but not both simultaneously.

I didn’t love either aspect of the Body Blossom enough that I’m really upset, however. I guess I need a shaft with less going on for consistent G-spot stimulation, and I don’t usually like my clitoral vibrators to have little fluttery bits. I would definitely recommend the Rock Chick or Delight over the Body Blossom, although they’re both a little more expensive. I think the Body Blossom is discontinued, anyway.

Find vibrators like this at one of the biggest selections of sex toys online at store.ofsexandlove.com

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Make love to your long distance lover online

Can you see me now?

June 6th, 2010

Jules wrote a post about a post that AAG wrote about being in the in-crowd. They both make great points about the so-call in crowd but I didn’t have much to say until I read an anonymous comment about this so-call “in” crowd and here I thought I was mostly ignored until I saw this:

It shows up regularly on blogs, on forums and in reviewer chat rooms.

Hey, wait! I know what this person is talking about. Yep, it’s the chat room I created many moons ago where reviewers could get together and talk about.. reviews and toys. Actually, I cannot take the credit. DBD first made a room on Meebo but it was public and we often got random strangers that would come in long enough to say “You like toys? You must be fat bitches. EWW! Perverts!” So I made a new room, password protected.

I figured we’d talk about reviews, toys, toy companies, websites and blogging but it has become so much more than that. Yes, we talk about those things on a frequent basis but the room has turned into a place where I’ve made real connections with real people except, maybe, AAG’S anonymous commenter. This started out as a reply to that person but I think it fits better here:

I love that you have first-hand knowledge of the chatroom I created! This means that you asked to be invited in and we let you in, regardless of affiliations. This probably means we’ve laughed together and shared some silly stories. It’s likely that you’ve seen us being critical about companies but we’re pretty equal opportunity. Lots of people and companies do things we don’t love (even folks in the “in” crowd but I’ll get to that later). Spend any time in the room and you will also see how much time people spend being positive and supportive. I know, I frequently hop in chat when the stress of my divorce is just too damned much.

If you’ve spent any time in the room, you know that some folks are still with EF. If you’ve stuck around, you’ll probably see that EF employees (like Sammi) and backers were still allowed and welcome even after the shit hit the fan. You’ll also note that AAG has never visited (for no particular reason other than she hasn’t inquired, I would suppose). Neither have any other staff members of EF but that’s because they never asked me for the password. Not once. As the chat room admin, I might even be inclined to let people in but it doesn’t matter because someone has been reporting every damned thing we say to others anyway. Tattle tale much? Since when is anything we say in a relatively private place up for argument?

And if you spent more than 5 minutes in the room, you will see that we often disagree with each other because WE are real people, too, not just “them.” We do not hang on everyone’s every word but, because of the amazing feedback and support we’ve been able to give each other within that chat room, we believe we can trust one another. So if Epiphora says something happened, I believe her. Not because she can do no wrong but because that’s what friends do. (But even though I trust her, maybe sometimes I think she’s full of crap, too.)

Does that make me part of this so-called in crowd? Making friends with people who give me the time a day? Then guess who else I’m friends with: Carrie Ann and Sammi. (Okay, they don’t have to admit it, but I consider them friends). Sorry to go throw a kink in your hatred and stereotyping there but let me make it really confusing for you: over a year ago I stopped following AAG because I just don’t particularly care about most things she blogs about (no offense intended to her, she blogs about broader subjects than I care to read in this corner of the blogosphere). Yet here she is, apart of the same in-crowd and we’ve never spoken 2 words to one another.

Anonymous, you missed the point. Entirely. It’s not that there are no cliques on the internet, it’s just that sharing an opinion does not a secret club, make. No one can name others in this group because we all associate with many people on a frequent basis, including some people who don’t get along so well with others we like. As grown ups, we can do that.

But can you? Can you look beyond the “them” and “not us” and see us as real people? Or is it okay for you to abuse your invitation because you’re so much better than me? Because you’re a real person but none of us are?

When I made this room, I considered myself a no one at EF, even though I’d been around over a year. I’m past the 2 year mark, now, and I still feel like a nobody because of some frustrating staff interactions (but that’s not exactly irrelevant). I’m certainly no sex blog celeb, either. So you can’t go around talking about how there’s some special group intimidating other people. Did you ever think that you might be intimidating us? Using your logic, I can easily label you as apart of the in-crowd, a crowd I most certainly can see because I am not apart of it. Funny how the works, isn’t it?

And if you took the time to talk to me, you’d know I’m planning on re-inventing the room, so to speak, after everything cools off. Here I was looking forward to a room where more reviewers would feel welcome, where we could have a fresh place to chat. Shit, I’m not very good at this in-crowd thing.

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