In Which Adriana Talks About Rabbits

December 15th, 2009

My review for the Double Dare 4-Play was just posted on EdenFantasys. I had a hard time writing it, word constraints and all but think I managed to get everything in there. If you will excuse me, I will take the time to count my rabbit vibes.

Still there? With the newest additions straight from the UPS last night, I have 13 rabbit vibrators. Strictly rabbit style. None of those smaller dual stimulators or pseudo rabbits. I’ve also gone through 2 Rabbit Habits which decided to break on me (so I’ve tried 15 in all). I have used and loved many rabbit vibrators. Rabbits used to be my surefire way to get off.

But I didn’t get off with the Double Dare 4-Play. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I was able to orgasm with a rabbit, using it the normal way. I’ve spent a while focusing on squirting which while mentally pleasurable and exciting, has never done a lot for me physically. Actually the Double Dare 4-play offered truly pleasurable G-spot stimulation but that’s not where I’m going with this. I’ve fallen out of practice with clitoral orgasms so every time I get a rabbit up there, my clit is confused. Before, I just sort of subdued my body into orgasm but now it’s fighting back. Now those vibrations are too rough, too buzzy, that material too hard, that shape too giving, so on and so forth. Honestly, I think my clit has become more sensitive in a negative way, much like my G-spot has become more sensitive in a positive way. I need to relearn my body but old habits die hard – unless it’s a Rabbit Habit which is a cheap piece of crap.

So here I am, with a pile of rabbits that call to me. Some I’ve had amazing interactions with. Some barely registered on my radar but they all make me a little sad, a little nostalgic for how things used to be. I miss knowing how things were going down. I miss how I could ignore my anatomy, unlike all those women who have never had a rabbit which fit. How did I avoid that? And, god dammit, I miss getting off. So you know what? Go read my review. I’m going to masturbate.

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Santa Duckie

December 11th, 2009

Santa Duckie

Santa Duckie
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Most people I know consider the I Rub My Duckie line to be cute. I do. I don’t lust over every single piece, but it’s cute, and I own two: the Paris Duckie and, now, the Santa Duckie. Actually, there is something about the design of the Santa duckie that really appealed to me, much more than most of the other designs, despite the fact that it’s only the mini, travel-sized version (which I have thus far avoided). I definitely think the fact that it comes in a functional Christmas tree bulb holder is part of that draw. After spending a bit of time with the vibrator, I can’t say I will rush out to buy every other duckie, but I can say that I like it a lot. It’s cute but also more practical than I would have guessed.

As I mentioned, the packaging of this duckie is a bit more thought out than other versions. The whole thing is in a plastic box with different snowflakes printed on the front and sides. Inside this sites a tray where the Christmas bulb rests. The front half of the bulb is clear with more snowflakes and the back is solid blue, creating a backdrop for the duckie. The bulb is topped off with a red bow and a silver string which means it could be hung on a tree, if you’re into that sort of thing.

At first, I was disappointed because there were two pieces of tape that seemed to hold the two sides of the bulb together, but those were only there for extra support. When together, the bulb actually has a short, threaded neck on top onto which screws a silver plastic cap that mimics the metal caps on the top of actually Christmas bulbs (this is also where the box and hanging string attach). Without the tape, the globe still stays whole but it’s a bit more secure with the tape on the bottom. In fact, the duckie is uber-secure as there are a couple of places where there are twisty tries threaded through and then taped, just the way Barbies are secured in their boxes.

Of course, the Duckie himself has a bright red suit and hat, complete with black belt and fluffy trim. Although the entire thing is hard PVC, the white parts are textured to look fuzzy. There is quite a bit of texture on the Santa Duckie from his clothes to his wings, break and other body parts. There are a few mostly smooth pieces but there’s no entirely smooth, spacious surface like most vibrators.

Once out of his box, I immediately felt that the more compact size of the Santa Duckie, as compared to my regular-sized one, would be beneficial. That might be slightly detrimental if you want him mostly for decoration purposes, but it just seemed less bulky to me, more like the size of a clitoral vibe like Laya Spot. For me, the tail was the best surface to actually press against my body as it is somewhat broad and there are no immediate obstructions from the shape of the toy. This allowed me to apply firm pressure with the duckie. The tail also comes to a rounded point for those who might prefer a pinpoint sensation.

Besides size, the Santa Duckie has different controls and battery requirements than a regular duckie. The battery compartment is covered by a small plastic cap with a straight indentation to unscrew it. A knife, screwdriver or possibly even fingernail could be used without too much difficultly. Inside is room for a single AAA battery, rather than the AA batteries that they regularly use. I was quite surprised by how much power this lone battery can put out. I think the size reduction actually means that more of the vibrations can be felt. The regular-sized duckie seemed to absorb more vibrations even though it had a stronger power source. The vibrations are a little buzzy and there’s very little variation, if any, but I found them to be sufficient because I could apply pressure.

The control is a knob like the ones which control the burners on my stove. Turning it clockwise (looking at the duck’s belly, head toward the top) turns on the vibrations. The knob can only turn about a quarter of a circle and it kicks in at about half of that distance. Unfortunately, the style makes it seem like the vibrations are adjustable, but they feel pretty much the same to me, even if I turn it as far as possible.

The Santa Duckie is pretty loud for its size and strength, however. Definitely loud enough to be heard in the same room but probably safe to use in the shower or with the door closed. Sometimes I can also hear the battery rattling inside which adds to the noise factor.

During play, I used him through my panties (which I sometimes do with the Layaspot). That will probably be how I play because I do not like the idea of having to clean fluids from him. This duckie’s belly has many embossed words and indentations that could easily pick up liquids but would require a toothpick to fully clean. If these words are completely necessary (and they’re not; most of them are promotions for the company), a tiny informational packet would be a much better option. Even the helpful stuff isn’t really needed. I could easily figure out how to open the battery compartment and turn this thing on without instructions.

I’m happy to say that this duckie performed well underwater. Not a drop made it into the battery compartment, which is more than I can say for my Paris Duckie. So take him in the shower or bath as much as you want. On the not-so-bright side, he doesn’t float upright. Santa Duckie floats pretty much every other way than right side up, but I can live with that.

Even after my first use, I was surprised with the Santa Duckie. I haven’t played with many clitoral toys lately, and my focus on squirting has meant fewer orgasms in general. Santa Duckie reminded me what masturbating used to be like and took me through a session of multiples. He is definitely a better duckie than my Paris Duckie; although, he probably won’t replace my Layaspot.

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Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

Alumina Revolve

December 10th, 2009

Alumina Revolve

Alumina Revolve

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

My first impression of the Alumina Revolve is that it’s heavier than I would have expected. I guess when I thought “aluminum” I was thinking something more along the lines of a soda can of aluminum foil but Tantus’ Alumina line is made from aeronautical grade aluminum so I guess it makes sense. After all, I’ve never seen an airplane made out of aluminum foil. That would be a very bad idea. Perhaps the very worst idea ever. (TM).

So the Revolve is heavier than I expected. Probably a bit weightier than a glass toy of a similar design but lighter than, say, the Pure Wand so it’s not quite as unwieldy. It doesn’t feel as unbalanced either, even though the Revolve isn’t symmetrical. The two ends of this metal dildo (one which I view as the intended handle) are almost the same length; the handle is just under 4″ long and the other end just over 4″ (for a total of 8.25″ in length) but are crafted quite differently. The handle is smooth and generally straight, widening to a bulb at the end while the opposite side has three bulbs which increase in size toward the O-ring which separates the sides. While the “handle” side is lighter, I think it would be more unbalanced if the bulbs increased toward the outside instead.

In terms of size, the largest bulbs on both ends are about the same size with a 1.5″ diameter. The smaller bulbs are 1.2″ and .95″ in diameter, respectively and, save for the middle bulb on the 3-bulb side, they’re all fairly found (the middle bulb is more elongated). As you can see, that’s quite the drop in size on both sides. Actually, I would say that’s one of the downfalls of the Revolve. When using the bulby side, I expected to easily feel the size difference, but once I insert this end up to the largest bulb, I literally cannot feel the bulbs when pulling it out. Maybe my vag is just a slow adjuster but they feel like nothing at all because the size decrease is so dramatic. So I could just not insert it that far but then the girth is lackluster. I could instead just try pressing the bulbs against my G-spot – it is a G-spotter after all – but I found it a bit difficult to do this with precision because the bulbs are so close.

All is not lost, however. I found the “handle” end to perform wonderfully for G-spot stimulation. The single bulb on the end, paired with the difference in girth – made finding and stimulating my G-spot to ejaculation a quick and easy job. For me, the simple end was simply better.

But it does leave me a bit disappointed because I thought this pretty, purple dildo (did I mention the deep sheen) would be a little more versatile. I expected it to do more, to have more options. Instead, I only find one side to really be useful. Of course, I could invest in more Alumina pieces to craft my perfect dildo and the fact that you can interchange the halves was originally was one of the things that attracted me to the line but then I’d essentially be paying twice the price (and the Alumina line is not cheap) to get a toy I love (if I could even find the perfect pairing). I’d much rather have a basic G-spot dildo that worked well but had no options.

Like all metal, the Revolve can easily be used for temperature play and I can’t argue the quality, here. The slick metal is easily inserted with only the tiniest amounts of lube and just as easy to clean. The aluminum is anodized to resist corrosion and water as well. There are no seams besides where the O-ring is. I know some have even said the O-ring adds some stimulation but I cannot comfortably insert the Revolve past that point. I’m also curious what the ring is made of. I’d guess silicone but the packaging doesn’t say.

In terms of packaging, the Revolve is cradled for a form fitting foam cutout inside a black box, detailed with silver text and logos. Some like to use it for storage but I’d rather have a small bag to save space. It could serve as a gift box, if you were so inclined because the Alumina Revolve does look quite nice nestled inside. Included with the dildo is a small informational sheet which repeats the text on the outside of the box and also depicts the entire Alumina Line (including Flow, Motion and Thrust).

I don’t hate the Revolve. I just don’t love it, you know? It just doesn’t call to me. Maybe it’s this specific piece because the people who have tried the Motion seem to love it. They can’t praise it enough. And Carrie Ann liked the Flow as well but that offers girth that the revolve doesn’t have, at least not consistently. There are only two points on the Revolve which offer any girth but even then, I’d say it’s only a medium thickness even despite the fact that such a material usually feels a bit larger than it actually is. I suppose that makes the Revolve relatively newbie friendly (just be cautious the nature of metal which can be a bit painful). But I’m not a newbie. I know what I want and need and half of the Alumina Revolve just isn’t it.

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Wet Together Ultimate Pleasure Gels

December 5th, 2009

Wet Together Ultimate Pleasure Gels

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Like the Wet Together Couples Lube I reviewed, the Ultimate Pleasure Gels are meant to enhance each partner’s experience in a way that proves ultimately pleasurable when combined. This new product takes the concept to another level. One of the pleasure gels offers a tingling sensation for her, similar to the lube in this line, but the male product differs slightly as it is meant to be prolonging instead of simply pleasurable.

That’s not the only difference. Wet Together Ultimate Pleasure Gels have stepped away from the pink and blue branding, which perhaps makes it a bit more politically correct but doesn’t make much sense at this point in the game. Because the original products were pink or blue, the red, gold, and black color scheme could be confusing. Furthermore, there’s less room for experimentation because the prolonging pleasure gel is really intended for a male to use it. I have to say, I’m not a big fan of the scheme anyway; it’s sort of gaudy and unattractive. The two .5 tubes of gels – black for him and red for her – are quite plain and lack the colorful, translucent fun of the lube bottles and are remarkably smaller.

But the packaging doesn’t break a good product (or make a bad one, but that’s another rant for another day). Unfortunately, I am still not a fan of the tingling formula in these product pairings and it seems like both product and packaging are not for me. The pleasure gel felt identical to the lube and shared the same minty scent, which is noticeable, with a slightly sweet taste. It went on cold, and while I liked that, it intensified into a distracting and uncomfortable tingling sensation when the area was stimulated. It felt like it took away from clitoral pleasure, and I had to stop the activity.

The box says the user will experience a “gentle warming sensation within 5” minutes, but that is pretty much the opposite of my experience. It also suggests that the product will last 20 minutes. Luckily for me, the sensation faded after 5 or 10 minutes. Perhaps unlucky for you if you are a big fan. Regardless, it’s not what the box suggests.

The pleasure gel For Her is supposed to enhance natural lubrication, but I’m not sure if this is true. In fact, at one point, I felt embarrassingly dry. If there are any lube-enhancing properties, I’m sure they will be entirely negated by the uncomfortable feeling of the product.

If you are ingredient conscientious, the box lists a whole slew of them for both products. For Her contains:

  • Glycerine
  • Propylene Glycol
  • Benzoic Acid
  • Sodium Benzoate
  • Hydroxyethylcellulose
  • Tocopherol
  • Aloe Barbadensis
  • Camellia Sinsensis Leaf Extract
  • Niacinamide
  • Mentha Piperita Oil
  • Water
  • Xantham GumEupatorium Rebaudianum Bertoni LeEaf Extract
  • Phenoxyethanol
  • Ethylhexylglycerin

I am glad to say that the prolonging pleasure gel for him was a big success. I believe the instructions say to apply it just under the head of the penis, but I forgot to look and apply the clear gel all over. I couldn’t feel a warming sensation; in fact, when I asked, he said he felt normal, but it was obviously something that wasn’t normal – in a good way! He was able to last longer and move in ways that would normally cause him to orgasm nearly instantly. In fact, long after the tingling gel had ruined my experiment, I had to ask him to finish up; otherwise, I am sure he would have lasted longer.

Despite its lack of sensation, my husband loved the gel for him. It doesn’t seem to numb the penis like so many prolonging products which detract from the pleasure of sex. Even if it helps a man last longer, it doesn’t help sex be an enjoyable act. This gel has made us consider similar products, but it would be great if it were manufactured and sold separately in a larger container than the 1/2 oz tube.

The ingredients in the Pleasure Gel For Him are:

  • Glycerin
  • Propylene Glycol
  • Benzoic Acid
  • Sodium Benzoate
  • Hydroxyethylcellulloid
  • Tocopherol
  • Aloe Barbadensis
  • Camellia Sinensis Leaf Extract
  • Arginine(L)
  • Mentha Piperita Oil
  • Water
  • Xantham Gum
  • Eupatorium Rebaudianum Bertoni Leaf Extract
  • Phenoxyethanol
  • Ethylhexylglicerin

As you can see, the ingredient lists are nearly identical, except for niacinamide and arginine (L). which I can assume are the active ingredients that cause tingling and prolonged erection, respectively. L’arginine is the active ingredient in most clitoral arousal gels because it increases blood flow in the area. However, this offers risks such as herpes outbreaks. There is plenty of glycerin in these, too, which can cause reactions in some women.

I know I am not every woman, and some will surely enjoy the tingling effect of the pleasure gel For Her. But Even if I liked the tingling, I don’t think these products have the potential to work together as well as Wet Together Couples Lube simply because there doesn’t seem to be any way for the pleasure gels to combine for greater effect. They seem meant to be enjoyed because they are each used by a partner.

Wet Together Ultimate Pleasure Gels are not intended to be lubricants, although they are latex-friendly. Wet suggests using Wet Together Ultimate Pleasure Gels with other wet lubricants, and a sample of Wet Together Lube is included. Because they are both sensation products, I would be hesitant to use all four together, especially if you haven’t previously used the products separately. It could get quite intense.

Ultimately, this pair includes a strong product that I hope Wet continues to make and perhaps focus on by itself. Because my experience was so consistent with the Wet Together products, I would probably not invest any further in the line (were there new additions) unless there were some changes. I do think it would be interesting to see how the pleasure gels could be better adapted for lesbian or gay couples, as the prolonging and tingling gels obviously work better in some situations.

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Wet Together Couples Lube

December 3rd, 2009

Wet Together Couples Lube

Wet Together Couples Lube
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

His and hers lubes are so of all the rage these days. KY did a fair job applying attractive colors to their Yours+Mine lube and then advertising the shit out of them. A little more recently, Wet introduced their take on his and her lubes: Wet Together Couples Lube. Packaged in pink and blue bottles, Wet Together pairs water with silicone-based lube and tingling with warming properties to further stimulate sexual arousal and satisfaction.

Besides the colors, which are quite striking, these 2fl. oz bottles are nearly identical. They are press-top style, which is easy to use and generally easy to control the amount you squeeze out. Ostensibly, the lube in the pink tube should be applied vaginally, while the blue tube goes on a penis,

The color coding of this product makes it easy to tell “how” (or who to use it on) to use it, but it also makes it clear that this product is intended for a very specific and heterosexual market. I guess because these types of products tend to be marketed toward the tamer sides of sex and sold in drug stores, I see the point. Still, I’m not totally down with promoting the idea of gender-specific colors, either (is there a better term for this?), and it leaves other couplings out in the cold.

Of course, you can certainly ignore the implied suggestions and use each lube separately or put the warming on her and the tingling on him. If you’re a rule breaker like that. 😉 We didn’t, at least not on the first try, because I wanted to try the product how it was intended.

For Her, it is a silicone-based lubricant meant to tingle (cool). It comes with a short ingredient list which is chock full of silicone, so use with silicone toys is not advised. I suspect it’s the same as Wet Cool Tingle, which contains silicone, even though the ingredients list clearly contains silicone, so it should probably be considered a hybrid lube. The clear lube is thin and slick with a medium-strength minty scent.

When applied internally, I definitely noticed a cooling sensation. It reminded me a bit of Intimate Organic’s Discover Gel, but I’m not sure if I found the sensation pleasant. What I can say with absolute certainty is that there was an increase in sensation from pairing the lubes during sex and that the motion of sex (stroking/thrusting) increased it until a “maximum” point.

I’ll be honest and say that the first time we used Wet Together, the sensation became so much that it was distracting and I just wanted it to be over and done with so I could rinse off the lube. It could be that we simply used too much so I would advise starting slow, with just a tiny dab.

On the other hand, For Him is a water-based lube with only one ingredient listed on the bottle: glycerin. I’m not sure on that one. The box also lists tocopheryl acetate but I cannot help but find it strange that “aqua” isn’t even in the ingredients list. Of course, as glycerin is sometimes a culprit for irritation, proceed with caution. In fact, that’s not a bad idea with any sensation-giving product (as I did learn).

For Him is also thin and clear with a sweet taste and not much of a discernible scent. At least, it’s hard to tell after smelling For Her. It is meant to warm and I could easily feel it doing so before I was done applying it to my husband and he seemed to generally enjoy it.

There was definitely a silky slickness to the lube because of its silicone contents, and it definitely lasted as long as we needed it to. Focusing on lubrication properties alone – and not sensation – I was fairly pleased. I’ve definitely tried worse, and this may not be the best lube ever, but it worked. It’s probably not as slick as silicone lube alone, but there was a noticeable difference over water-based lube.

By itself, the silicone lube (Her) is pretty slick and doesn’t get sticky as it dries; it just leaves that sort of tangible “layer” on the skin, which needs soap and water to come off. The water-based (Him) has a nice texture that becomes a little tacky as it dries, but not nearly as much as some water-based lubed I have tried. The combination seems to reduce or perhaps just overshadow the water-based lubricant’s less desirable qualities, feeling mostly like silicone.

I am not entirely sold on Wet Together Couples Lube as a set. I didn’t find the tingling to be particularly pleasurable, especially when combined with the warming lubricant. I found myself thinking, “Is it over yet?” and that’s not how I like to enjoy my sex. However, I feel that the combination produces a solid lubricant that makes sex quite comfortable, and because my husband did enjoy the warming sensation of For Him, we may use it again when we want a warming lube.

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iTap™ “G” Vibe White

November 30th, 2009

iTap™ “G” Vibe White

iTap™ “G” Vibe White
from California Exotic Novelties

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you have probably heard about the new iTap vibrators from California Exotic Novelties, and as I have recently been sent my first toy from the company as part of their Sexpert program (yea, go me!), I was able to get to know this new technology intimately.

Appearance-wise, the iTapi G Vibrator isn’t really amazing. It has sleek lines and curves to a rounded point meant to stimulate the G-spot. The shaft is a velvet-cote, white plastic, while the battery cover is slightly thicker and is a regular, shiny plastic; the shaft is pretty uniform at 1″ in diameter, making it one of the smaller insertable toys I’ve tried. There are slight seams in the shaft but nothing that my vagina can feel or that would complicate cleaning. To remove the cap, twist and then pull straight off. To replace, line up the arrows on the cap/shaft, push it on then twist. Overall, it’s straightforward and not significantly unique, although the shape of the head is a little pointer and not at all like many bulbous G-spot toys. In fact, that was one down side to the iTap G Vibe: the head was at too extreme of an angle and too pointy for my to like it either internally or externally. The tip did allow for easy insertion as well as letting the toy to hook around my pubic bone to provide a sort of “hands-free” experience which I can see being useful for some.

And the tap feature? Works pretty well. The ease of use is pretty insane. Just tap the end of the battery pack once to turn it on (there was an instruction sticker which I have since tossed), again to cycle through the different settings and once more to turn it off. It doesn’t appear like there is a way to turn off the vibrator without going through all the settings, however. I liked the fact that there are no demanding buttons that need to be pressed a certain way (you can pretty much press anywhere on the bottom) and this tap censor doesn’t strain a person physically but, having already used another toy with touch censors, I was prepared for a problem which also occurred with the iTap G. Because the tap pad is so sensitive, it’s easy to bump it and you’re off on another setting or turned off altogether. Folks who don’t love the type of toys with push buttons on the end (like many Evolved vibes) will probably also dislike the current line of iTap toys for the same reason. In fact, as I write, I want to stand the vibe up on my desk but, as soon as I lift it away, it has been activated. As this sort of technology advances, there is a definite need for a physical lock button – like on my MP3 player. With that addition, I can see touch controls being my controls of choice.

I was pretty impressed by the power and functions of this toy. It runs on 2 AAs and has two steady vibration settings, which I would basically call medium and high. They will probably please most people but I’d like to see a low setting as well. The more sensitive my G-spot becomes, the more uncomfortable it is to actually use super-strong vibrators. CEN has enough power in this vibrator, just not enough options for steady vibration. There are three different pulsating options which go something like this: Short-Short-Long, Short Short Short and a back-and-forth style, which I can’t think of better words to describe. The pulsating modes are also quite powerful but I’d like all the vibrations to be slightly less buzzy. They’re someplace in the middle of “high pitched buzz” and “throbbing.”

Because the vibration is focused near the tip, I didn’t find it uncomfortable to hold the iTap G. The vibrations could still be slightly felt but didn’t numb my hands. The 6″ shaft comfortably allowed room for my hand without hindering exploration but you might want to make sure your hand is around the shaft and no fingers will stray toward the tap pad (again, to avoid accidentally switching).

Although I rarely take my toys into water, the iTap G is not a waterproof vibrator. Some soap and water washing may be safe but I think a toy cleaning spray and wipe would be friendlier to such a unique toy. If you are a friendly toy owner, CEN does not recommend using oil-based lubricants with the iTap toys for whatever reason. I rarely use anything but water-based lube, and not much is needed with a toy of this stature.

My Sexpert opinion of the iTap G is that California Exotic is making great strides in the right direction; a continuing focus on quality over quantity is going to get them noticed for good reasons but, while the iTap G is innovative, there are certainly a few kinks to work out before it’s remarkable.

CEN_SEXPERT_certified

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Make love to your long distance lover online

Sqweel

November 29th, 2009

Sqweel

Sqweel
£34.99 (approx. $57.63) from LoveHoney

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

The Sqweel is not a vibrator; rather, it is a sex toy meant to simulate oral sex to stimulate the clitoris or other parts of the body. It has been touted as “revolutionary”; in fact, the hype around its release was tremendous and it would be hard for any toy to live up to that. Still, the intentionally mysterious website was spread from Twitter to Twitterite like a virus, and I was among the many who submitted my e-mail to find out just what this toy with a whirligig logo is. Of course, I never got the e-mail so the release went unnoticed until I saw reviews of it posted on Twitter. I was thrilled when I asked to review it, and the folks at LoveHoney said “yes.” So here’s the low down, Adriana style.

The Sqweel toy is encased in silky black plastic. This is great for a couple of reasons: it’s protected from lint and other toys and is easy to travel with, should you so desire. The shape is generally clammy and the indentations (which can serve as finger holds a bit) add to that effect. An arrow on either side indicates that squeezing and pulling up the top cover pops it off to expose a series of 10 soft tongues which spin on an axle. This is not unlike a tape dispenser but the action has been compared to chainsaws and Hellraiser, the latter by my husband. I found it to be much less intimidating, maybe good for a first timer if you understand the function.

Sqweel

Even if you do, getting to know the piece can still be intimidating because it’s so unique. Once you pop off the top and locate the button on the bottom, it begins to make more sense, however. Also, the included pamphlet with this toy is actually very helpful and well done. It actually focuses on this one toy, unlike those one-size-fits-all pamphlets that big companies give with every single toy (although it’s not much help if you tend to ignore these books d=). Once comfortable with the Sqweel, it’s easy to use. One slide button goes from “Off” and makes stops at “Lo,” “Medium” and “High.” That’s three speeds if you weren’t keeping up – powered by 3 AAA batteries which are actually included! There is a small battery cover that slides off the bottom where batteries are easily inserted. Hold the toy upside down over whatever area you want to be stimulated, and voila.

Sqweel

Er, sorta. The first thing I noticed is the incredible whine as the tongues rotate. I would almost say it does squeal. It, not me. That’s bad. Of course, as you increase settings, so does the whine. This means it’s not very discreet, and folks might get curious why you have a knife sharpening in your bedroom.. but maybe they won’t ask for fear of retaliation. And even if discretion isn’t your thing, I found myself highly annoyed. Maybe you won’t notice if you’re the type who masturbates to music or moans like crazy during a session and it’ll drive you crazy – in the good way – or maybe it will drive you up the wall like it did me. The particular sound was just too much for me to take at times.

Sqweel

The other big issue around the Sqweel is its learning curve. I feel like I would have to masturbate with only this toy for months before I would get anywhere near orgasm and even then, it’s a long shot. As someone who prefers the quick pay off and pressure, this toy just isn’t going to cut it. That doesn’t mean it’s not interesting or doesn’t feel good – because it does, but it will probably never be more of a warm-up toy for me – but those tongues are just too soft to really mimic oral sex. I would have to agree with Epiphora that the spinning feels more like an attack of silicone tongues and none of the speeds really suit my needs; they all feel quite unlike oral sex. The tongue is a muscle and can apply much more pressure than the Sqweel ever could because, as soon as you press it tighter against the flesh, the spinning stops. The Sqweel has to be held an arm’s length away so the tongues just barely touch the clit. This means you have to make damned sure nothing is on the way so be prepared to hold those lips aside.

Sqweel

One thing that can also severely detract from the Sqweel experience is not using enough or any lube. For some reason, I just forgot, but the feeling of dry tongues against the clit is even more awkward than that of the toy working exactly how its meant. On LoveHoney’s site, there is a video instructing you to squirt lube into your hand and then let the toy spin so the tongues can “lap” it up. It’s a reasonable decent, if not messy technique. The included information says to use water based lube which clued me in that the tongues are at least partially silicone. In fact, I put it through the flame test which resulted in a deformed tip of the tongue. From this, I conclude that the Sqweel’s tongues are, in fact, TPR Silicone. It’s toward the higher end of the spectrum and I certainly don’t mind using it, despite some porosity. I just wish that was explicitly stated somewhere.

Sqweel

I would say be prepared for mess with the Sqweel and be prepared to spend some time cleaning it up. The tongues spread lube everywhere. Lube gets inside the case. The outside of the case gets covered in lube. The case is probably the easiest to clean; just use a damp cloth. There is a front panel that twists and pops off so the tongues can be taken out. Both of those pieces can be washed with soap and water. The instructions also say to wipe inside with a damp cloth. I wouldn’t risk soap and water, like I do with some toys. Unfortunately, the nooks and crannies in the case, and on the font panel and cover are numerous. this seems a little short-sighted to me, but maybe I just don’t like having to clean things with Q-tips. Finally, you’ll want to make sure everything is dry before putting all the pieces of the Sqweel back together. Moistness in en enclosed area does no good.

So my final call on the Sqweel? As Epiphora said, incredibly innovative. Kudos to LoveHoney for bringing this winner of their design a sex toy contest to fruition. Props for the generally sound design and cute presentation. But as a practical oral sex simulator or even a sex toy that will get any sort of orgasmic reaction out of me? I’m not sure this reinvention of the wheel is a winner. It’s so hard for me to come up with constructive criticism because this idea is just so out of the box. Maybe firmer tongues, of differing sizes. Maybe add vibration or allow the tongues some side-to-side movement. Yet, I can’t really guarantee any of these changes would do the trick for me. Maybe the idea itself is more novel than sound. Maybe, I’ll try again in a few months.

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