Multi-Orgasmic Man

September 26th, 2010

Multi-Orgasmic Man

Multi-Orgasmic Man
$14.99 from Amazon

It took me forever to read this book, and it was no fault of the book. You see, I requested to review it because I thought it would be interesting. It is interesting, but I tend to visualize the man in this book as the one who is currently breaking my heart, so that kinda sucks. Let’s get on with it, shall we?

Before I read The Multi-Orgasmic Man, I didn’t have a ton of knowledge about how a man could have multiple orgasms. I knew of one technique and had discussed it but not tried it. This book discusses a handful of techniques besides that one, and some are purely physical, while many focus on the idea of sexual energy (chI). Some of the reviews on Babeland have talked about this as being a bit new age-y. It kind of is, but it’s nowhere near as annoying as the touchy, feely crap that I couldn’t stand in Female Ejaculation & The G-spot. In fact, I think the authors do a great job of looking at the Taoist basis for these beliefs in a scientific manner.

The chapters flow quite well. The first introduces us to the concept of sexual energy in Taoism and multiple orgasms by suspending ejaculation. This is followed by a chapter that gives a rundown of the male body and sexual energy. This chapter includes information about becoming aware of the stages of arousal, which is quite important in achieving multiple orgasms.

Chapter 4 is quite long and describes methods to achieve multiple orgasms, including tugging on the scrotal sac, control the flow of sexual energy and pressing on a point that the authors, Mantak Chi and Douglas Abrams, describe as the “million dollar point.”

Part of the focus of The Multi-Orgasmic Man is how a many who achieves this can also be a better lover so the next chapter introduces the (female) partner’s body, arousal and orgasm. Becoming a Multi-Orgasmic Couple puts it all together and talks about the advanced techniques of pleasuring and “screwing” that can increase pleasure for the woman. There are suggestions for exercises to increase intimacy and I found it particularly useful that the authors discusses how female partners could use some of the chi-based techniques to essentially harmonize male and female energies. Specifically, there is some discussion about how the person on top is not necessarily the one in control but he or she is the one giving the most energy to the other person. The chapter ends with a few words about safer sex.

Chapter six is intended for women whose partners are attempting to learn to become multiply orgasmic. It’s intended to be read alone and repeats information in the previous chapters but that is to be expected. I found it interesting that the chapter suggests PC muscle exercises with an egg or stone. This book is over 10 years old now and an updated versions might suggest a more hygienic kegel exerciser from a toy manufacturer. I personally do not love the idea of tying dental floss to something I might stick in my vagina (if only because it can be painful to pull it out; this is why I hate the string on the Luna Beads).

Homosexual couples will find a chapter that speaks entirely to them as well. It’s shorter than the one for heterosexual couples, mostly because the techniques apply to both men in the relationship anyway. The authors take the time to discuss the Taoist view of homosexuality, which I found interesting (they’re all for it, yay!).

The book winds down with a chapter about sexual health entitled Before You Call the Plumber. There are a few words about premature ejaculation, impotence, sperm count, and even sex as a healing power. The last chapter is probably my favourite as it discusses sex throughout one’s lifetime. Chia and Abrams talk about sex and aging, keeping love alive, and “the seasons of our lifetime.” There are some sweet words about monogamy that I find touching but not preachy. The book goes on to describe how a father can use this book to pass healthy Taoist beliefs on to his son.

The Multi-Orgasmic Man wraps up with a page and a half about Taoism and sexuality in general. There are recommendations for other books by Chia. I have to say that this section seems a bit haphazardly thrown in. I might have preferred this to be an afterward instead of tacked onto the last chapter.

Because the book includes many footnotes, there is a “Notes” section at the end of the book. It goes a long way to defend the scientific and cultural beliefs that the authors have expressed. If you’re using the book as reference, there is also a list of exercises so you can quickly find one or another. The very last pages are dedicated to an appendix and bibliography, per usual.

Overall, the tone of this book was a bit conversational. It wasn’t intimidating or condescending. While based on Taoist beliefs, The Multi-Orgasmi Man wasn’t laden with them in a way that made it annoying or dubious. I wouldn’t be surprised if open-minded folks did more research on the subject of Tao after reading this book, but if it’s not your thing, you can easily just rely on the solid facts about anatomy to learn to be multiply orgasmic.

Like all sex books, there was a lot of related-but-not-quite-on-topic material, but I appreciated it. Unlike any other non-fiction sex book I have read, the organization didn’t piss me off. I always wonder who came up with the chapters, but The Multi-Orgasmic Man did not have that problem.

Nevertheless, I was disappointed in the physical quality of this book. I have several soft-cover books of a similar size on my desk as well, and it is obvious that The Multi-Orgasmic Man uses thinner paper for the covers and the pages. It almost feels like it’s not a book at all; more like a pamphlet (a very long one!) or something.

I wish I could say more about this book. I think it’s a good one. It’s totally useful. I just don’t have an actual use for it. I’d recommend it, if you wanted to sate your intellect anyway.

17 Comments

Categories: Books, Reviews

Corset Vibe

May 13th, 2010

Corset Vibrator

Corset Vibrator
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. 

Like Juliettia, I wanted the Corset Vibrator mostly because of looks. I like corsets, and I like vibrators, and I was thrilled when Babeland offered it up for review again (they ran out of stock last time).

But something about the Corset vibe is just a little confusing, and I’m not talking about the name change. The package actually calls it the Girdle Vibe, and I suspect that makes sense because Touche is a European country. I get that Babeland would change the name because the idea of a girdle is just not sexy to Americans but, no, something else is more confusing.

It started with the batteries. Touche provided 2AAs, which is pretty neat. I unscrewed the battery cap at the end and slid them in, and then I spent about 5 minutes trying to get the damned cap back on. Now, I’ve talked to someone else who did not have that problem, but I actually thought there was some defect issue with the threading on either the cap or the vibe itself. The inside of the cap doesn’t have continuous threading and it can be a bit tricky to get it lined up. However, I have gotten better at it.

So I got the cap on and stared at this beast. I mean the Corset Vibe is just much bigger than I expected. I figured the size would be similar to the Evolved Seduction, which also has a similar shape, but I was wrong. It’s almost 8.5″ long, and its girth varies between 4 3/16″ and 5 5/8.” Definitely not something I’d suggest for beginners.

The design itself mimics a corset with the center of the shaft being the narrowest while the vibrator gradually expands toward either end. The insertable end also tapers to a slight point. There’s also a pattern embossed/engraved into the silicone, on the back of the vibrator. It is styled like the ribbons on the back of a corset–hence the name–so the overall design really works well.

The size genuinely surprised me but it wasn’t confusing. It came when I went to turn on the Corset vibe but nothing happened. So I switched batteries. Nothing. I switched back. Eventually, I picked up the manual (actually, there are 2, and there are instructions in like a dozen languages) or something, and I realized you have to press the button for several seconds before it turns on. It’s not a big deal now that I know it, but it was annoying having to figure it out and I know others had the same problem. I do slightly prefer vibes that turn on faster.

So I got it on, but I wasn’t sure if it was working. Yes, my confusion continued. You see, the Corset Vibe didn’t seem to go on to a steady vibration setting like vibrators usually do. I played around with the settings, but it seems like Touche really missed the mark. After some experimenting, I have come to realize that the first three settings are supposed to be steady vibration, but the “low” and “medium” modes are extremely rumbly, almost spastic, which makes them seem like they maybe aren’t steady. The highest mode of steady vibration is normal, however. These settings are followed by a pulsation and escalation setting (1 each).

The whole rumbly vibration thing makes it a little hard to gauge the strength of the Corset Vibe. The first 2 settings feel pretty strong but almost like they’re not performing how they should be. In comparison, the highest steady setting is a bit weak and I didn’t particularly care for the escalation mode.

The noise output from the Corset Vibe is a bit much. It’s not going to wake the neighbours or anything, but I think similar vibes are a bit quieter. The Corset Vibe is getting up there a bit, like some rabbit vibes

So once my confusion was cleared up, I spent a bit of time with the Corset Vibe but I wasn’t blown away. The tapered head felt a bit pointy, and although I could bend the shaft a bit, the shape didn’t do a whole lot for me. While the vibrations are centered right in the head, the Corset Vibe is long enough that it wants to slide right past my G-spot.

While I could feel the texture provided by the corset detailing; I didn’t like it or not like it. I suppose if you use a bit more lube (water-based, only) than usual, you can minimize it if you don’. Be prepared to spend extra time cleaning up any lubes or liquids, however. The ribbon design provides a ton of nooks and crannies for gunk.

But it is pretty. If you’re a collector, the corset vibe will surely look pretty on a shelf or in your hand. It’s just a bit more novel than practical and I’m not sure that this is enough of a reason for me to have to struggle with all the quirks.

6 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Contour M Massage Stone

April 23rd, 2010

Contour M Massage Stone

Contour M Massage Stone
$4.99 from Jimmyjane

Jimmyjane has discontinued the massage stone, so it’s steeply discounted to $4.99 while supplies last.

I don’t own a whole lot of Jimmy Jane products, even though they all seem pretty nice. As much as I like massage, I’ve never had a partner who really enjoyed giving them. However, I think Jimmyjane’s massage stones could certainly help with that!

From the right angle, this ceramic massager looks like a lowercase letter “m.” Hence the name. To me, it seems like someone took a square slab and pushed in the middle with something round. The result is a broad, round side and a concave side with four rounded “points.” Although nothing is angular about the Contour M, it’s all smooth, rounded lines. The massage stone is off-white in appearance.

The ceramic stone has a bit of heft, but it’s not heavy at all. I have glass and metal toys that weigh significantly more. The finish is sleek and completely smooth except for one “leg” where Jimmyjane is printed in grey. The letters can be felt with a finger but are not obtrusive.

The slick surface glides smoothly across the skin and moves even easier once massage oil–like that from a Jimmyjane candle–is added. I chose to use the Contour M with some Kama Sutra Oil of Love, simply because I did not want to wait for a candle to burn. The ceramic feels quite cool and adding a warming massage oil was also interesting. If you’d like, you could dip the massage stone in a bowl of warm or cool water for temperature play.

I hit up Jimmyjane’s website for some usage instructions. I admit I don’t know much about massage techniques, but I found the Contour M to be fairly intuitive. The broad side fits in my palm and fingers, allowing me to stimulate with one or more of the “nodes.” I found it easy to do tiny circles with all nodes making contact. Applying more pressure with a single node results in more pinpoint stimulating, like that move some people do with their elbow.

On the other hand, it’s easy to apply pressure to a broader area with the other side. I find my movements to be larger and it’s easy to lean into strokes, really putting your weight into it (like using your knuckles). It is slightly more cumbersome to hold in this position, however. I was surprised just how easy it was to use the Countour M. Jimmyjane even suggests trying some genital massage, which I did. The four nodes work okay for this. I wasn’t aiming for orgasm, and I’m not sure if I even could, but it was nice.

The one thing I really enjoyed was how easy it was to apply pressure with the massage stone. If you find that giving massages puts a painful amount of strain on your hands or fingers, then this can relieve some of that strain without limiting the effectiveness of the massage. Of course, the ceramic is rigid and quite unforgiving, so you don’t want to be too firm.

During use, the Contour M can become a bit slippery depending on the oils or lubes it comes in contact with. I didn’t find this a large problem, but I didn’t use a large amount of oil, either. Nevertheless, cleaning is a breeze, and the massage stone can be washed with soap and water. Storage is a simple matter because it won’t pick up any lint or interact with other materials. You may want to wrap it in a cloth of some sort; I wouldn’t mind if this came with some soft cloth or bag for that purpose.

Contour M, like all Jimmy Jane products, is luxurious. This isn’t the cheap plastic roller massager that makes an appearance every year before the holidays. This isn’t something you find in the $1. It is, however, an intimacy-enhancing tool which I can see lasting a lifetime. Even if you don’t have a massage partner, it’s still good for solo use. My legs appreciated a little massage with the Contour M. I can see it making frequent appearances when I am stressed or even just for the fun of it.

3 Comments

Categories: Massage, Reviews

Bubbles

March 19th, 2010

Bubbles

Bubbles
$74 from Store.OfSexAndLove.com

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

Bubbles is a cute, albeit short, G-spot vibrator available in fitting bubblegum pink. It gets its name from its appearance – a series of bulbs on the shaft that look like bubbles. Typical of most Fun Factory vibrators, the silicone of Bubbles is soft and pliable; although, the core of the toy is not, so the shaft is not uber flexible. Toward the end, the bubbles are pure, soft silicone so the head can be flexed a bit this way and that. Although Bubbles might look almost fluffy in photos, it is not that soft.

Unlike many G-spot toys (like the Orchid G), Bubbles is wider and more filling. While I do not particularly enjoy super thin toys, I found the specific shape, size, and perhaps even material of this vibrator to be difficult to maneuver and insert, even with an abundant amount of water-based lube and arousal. Bubbles will probably be a better fit for someone whose G-spot is not as shallow as mine; I usually prefer a less angled head than that on this vibrator and the fit was just not comfortable where I needed the vibrator to sit. In addition to this, Bubbles may be too short to reach some G-spots because it is only insertable 4.5 inches.

Because of the separate bulges, Bubbles has a variety of widths. It seems to be wider right where it curves (the second to last “bubble”), and it has a diameter of 1.6″. The lower bubbles are around the same girth, while the bubble on the end is slightly smaller with a 1.5″ diameter. Obviously, it is less girthy between the bubbles, but this seems to make it harder for me to maneuver. Having such a wide bulge at the curve point also hinders movement.

Although the shape was not ideal, I found the vibrations satisfactory. They are not incredibly deep and do not quite compare with the Sinfflut Intensity (also from Fun Factory), but are fairly strong, especially for a toy of its size. There multiple settings of vibration are controlled by two buttons: one which powers on the toy/increases vibration and one which decreases vibration/turns off the toy. The symbols are embossed into the silicone itself and you have to press through it to control the toy. I found this to be a little difficult as the softer silicone requires an exact touch, and my fingernails frequently get in the way. I would much prefer hard plastic buttons at the base.

There are about 6 modes of steady vibration. Toward the higher settings, they do tend to blend together. There are also three pulsating modes, which are essentially slow pulse, medium pulse, and fast pulse. I do not think my Bubbles originally pulsated correctly at first but it does now.

In use, Bubbles is not whisper-quiet but would probably not be heard through a closed door even on the higher settings.

Bubbles is also unique because it is part of Fun Factory’s line of new click-and-charge vibrators. These rechargeable vibrators run on an internal battery and connect to a magnetic charger at their base (which is small, rounded, and plastic, so it may become slippery during use), which then plugs into the wall. The toy and charger have Fun Factory logos that must be lined up. When charging, a red light on the charger indicates status but my charger actually seems to have a broken light (but it still works).

The toy does come charged which is a plus. Although it says these toys should be charged before first use (and that charge can take up to 6 hours), I did not charge mine. The manual states that the toy can be used for approximately 1 hour on the highest setting. I used it 2 – 3 times before charging it, and it definitely did not lose any strength.  Bubbles can’t be used while charging; it will switch off. The setup does not allow a toy to be ruined by overcharging, which is always nice.

Because there are no ports or holes or anything of the sort, Bubbles is completely waterproof and can be played with in the shower or bath. This also makes cleaning a cinch because the soft silicone will attract lint that is hard to remove with cleaning wipes or sprays. I find running water does the trick much better.

While my anatomy did not love Bubbles, it is a quality toy and the click and charge system is pretty awesome. I definitely want to check out other BiMini vibes from Fun Factory.

2 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Black Glove/Elegant Spanking

January 17th, 2010

Black Glove/Elegant Spanking

Black Glove/Elegant Spanking
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. 

I read a review describing Black Glove/Elegant Spanking, a DVD containing two short films by Maria Beatty, as “like an artsy amateur porn video that the 2 girls should have kept private.” And I pretty much agree.

It’s not that the visuals aren’t stunning. Both pieces are done in black and white, with more than a subtle nod toward the silent film era (despite being released in 1995). The Elegant Spanking even features “title cards” showing the dialogue between Mistress and slave. The filming is well done, if not simple, and it seems a bit grainy to add personality. The Black Glove is especially heavy with shiny instruments and PVC clothing, while garter belts can be seen in both. The image of pearls sliding between pussy lips in The Elegant Spanking is intriguing if nothing else. Yet, the imagery is very specific, so specific that there can be very little middle ground with Black Glove/Elegant Spanking. Either you will love it, or it will not be your thing. And it’s not mine.

I also can’t say that the acts aren’t realistic or intimate. Marie Beatty portrays a submissive in both films, expressing pain and pleasure well even though we can’t hear her voice or breath. In The Elegant Spanking, she lovingly partakes in watersports. It’s as though someone simply popped a camera into Beatty’s BDSM life and recorded these events. Believable and erotic (it’s hard to call anything with so much BDSM anything else), yes. But rising to any sort of climax (literally or figuratively) or otherwise following any sort of standard film time/plotline, no. We don’t know why anything is happening, just that it is, and it’s over without any real sense of resolution. Both movies are more like extended scenes than stand-alone films, and they move quite slowly. I’ll dare call it boring.

From imagery to music/sound and the speed of progress, these films are both incredibly creative. Yet, that artistry can be difficult to understand and detract from the movie.

Such is the case with the music (by John Zorn), which generally reminds me of haunted house background music or the scores of 80s horror flicks. It suggests seriousness calmly, softly in the background. Yet it also negates any drama in the films themselves, especially in scenes where the actors are clearly speaking, but viewers can’t hear it. Like silent films, this one flashes title cards, but it’s obvious that is not what she said (and I’m no lip reader!). At least in The Black Glove, we can hear some sounds from the scene itself, which I prefer greatly. The sound of buckles and foot steps were appreciated. Yet, toward the second half of this scene, the background music/sound switches to something like burning or crackling. It’s much louder than the previous background music, and I find it completely distracting.

And if kink is your thing, these films have plenty. The Elegant Spanking jumps into watersports pretty quickly. There is spanking, of course, as well as shoe/foot fetish. In fact, that plays an important role in both films. Too bad I hate feet. The Black Glove has lots of appropriate PVC; Maria Beatty is hog-tied, and a cane, Wartenberg wheel, clamps, knife, and wax all make an appearance. Most of these implements are rubbed or run over Maria Beatty’s lingerie-clad body, with the focus on her ass and breasts.

Fans of bonus material will be disappointed. The DVD lists a catalog of other Beatty films but was nothing more than a link to Beatty’s now-defunct website.

While artistic, striking in imagery, BDSM oriented, and incredibly intimate, it seems like these films would best be enjoyed by Beatty & Co. themselves. The artistic eroticism is interesting, and these films would probably lend themselves well to an intellectual discussion (perhaps of D/s dynamics). Still, their limited ability to arouse suggests that this film is simply art, not porn. I know that BDSM doesn’t have to include sex but porn probably should. Sometimes there is a grey area between porn and art, but the black-and-white films on this DVD suggest that is not a place Maria Beatty productions will ever be, and that’s okay. I’m just not the sort of person who can appreciate these films. On the other hand, there were a couple of scenes that would lend themselves beautifully to wall art (something which I can better intellectually appreciate). I would much rather have preferred a handful of stills that sum up the feeling of Black Glove/Elegant Spanking than view the DVD itself.

2 Comments

Categories: Media, Reviews

Pink Silicone Lube

January 7th, 2010

Pink Lube
$10.99 from Amazon

You may not know it, but I like pink—the colour. I’m also sort of a musician, too, but that’s not related. I first heard of Pink Lubricant years ago, but I’m not sure where. The attractive bottles drew my attention, and it stayed drawn for some years. However, I don’t use a lot of lube, so I never needed to buy it. However, I decided it might be the right time to try it out when Babeland offered Pink Silicone Lube for review.

The larger bottles of Pink lubricant are packaged in glass and look much like perfume. The 1.7oz bottle I received, although not glass, still looks pretty classy with its frosted plastic. I like it, but it’s less discreet than the glass style. The bottle is pump-style with a small cap over the pump to prevent spilling, and the whole thing comes wrapped in plastic (yay). I’ll be honest here.. Between unwrapping the plastic and using the lube, I have no idea where the plastic cap went. So, it would be useful if I could find it, but I can’t, and I have no recollection of taking it off. Chances are, the cats go to it, and it’s under some piece of furniture because it’s small and fun if you’re of the feline variety.

Now, my experience with silicone lubes is really limited. I’ve used 2 including Wet Platinum and the one included in Wet Together. The former experience was downright dreadful as I experienced some sort of reaction but the latter was fairly nice in lubricant properties (not so much as a sensation product, though!). Reviews of Pink are generally pretty high and I figured, maybe silicone lube really is worth it.

My first impression was a bit odd. I guess I was expecting the lube to feel like water-based lube does, you know, wet. It didn’t. It felt sort of greasy, and I kept pumping at first because I had no idea how much was in my hand. The next thing I noticed was how incredibly thin this lube is, which is something I usually associated with silicone lubes, although I do prefer lubricants that are slightly more gelatinous in nature. Also, the pump could jut out a bit more, like a long lotion pump does, because now it just sort of dribbles down the side of the pump/bottle. You have to tip it to avoid that.

So I wasn’t a huge fan of this on my hand but, to be honest, it’s quite slick and has much more staying power than water-based lube. A little goes a long way, and it doesn’t get sticky as it dries out. Plus, my hand isn’t my pussy – and I don’t want it to be. For actual toy or penis penetration, this lube did work decently. It made it quite frictionless, but it feels less natural than water-based lubricants seem to feel. It was as if there was a thin layer of incredibly slick plastic inside of me; sure, it reduces friction but I felt as though something was between my husband and myself. I’ve never even felt that way with condoms.

With toys, this was definitely less noticeable. It didn’t feel quite so.. barrier-like, which is great, but I’m not going to pay $15 for silicone lubricant for toys alone, you know? I really wanted this for actual intercourse. Plus, the parent company makes a water-based lube for use with toys.

To be fair, Pink Silicone Lube is not horrible. I did not experience irritation with it like I did Wet Platinum, and besides silicones, the only ingredients are Vitamin E and aloe vera, which seems to make it pretty healthy to me. I just really didn’t love the way it feels, which is entirely a personal preference. Maybe I’m just not built for silicone lubes (are there any that feel.. not so silicone-y? LOL). It is worth a try, however, if you do like silicone-based lubes.

4 Comments

Categories: Lube, Reviews

Fallen

December 27th, 2009

Fallen

Fallen

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

I am a relative porn newbie, I admit it. Most of my porn watching has been done with short clips found for free online and, usually, that covers my needs. I thought I’d get to know porn a bit more with Fallen because the cover really intrigued me. It was well done, and this award-nominated porn flick has been praised for its unique and expensive approach to pornography. Maybe it’s just my lack of expertise or my particular tastes, but I have no idea what these people are praising and celebrating.

Granted, Fallen is presented grandly. It comes in a larger-than-average case that is only slightly smaller than your average sheet of printer paper. The inside flaps give some insight into the bonus discs (there are 4 discs, including the feature title), and a regular DVD case holding these discs sits inside. Both cases feature an image of Jessica Drake – the lead actress – with wings and arms spread in a scant white dress. It’s not exactly family-friendly, but it’s on par with some movie covers, and you could potentially get away with it sitting with the rest of your movie collection – as long as you toss the larger, which is pretty ostentatious.

Fallen is a Wicked Productions film that revolves around the plot of Angel, an angel banished to Earth after her charge met an untimely death. Angel thus loses herself in sex and, in the end, tries to redeem herself. And it works, sort of. I know many appreciate the acting in this film, and there are a lot of non-sex scenes, which makes it seem like they’re aiming for the couple’s and women’s porn market, but the acting is really not all that great. Maybe it’s good when you consider it’s a porn star, and Brad Armstrong does manage to play a generally likable guy in the second half of the movie, but Jessica Drake falls flat and talks with a strangely breathless monotonous voice as she narrates the movie.

And that would be okay if all the sex scenes themselves were not so incredibly uninspired. Most of the scenes involve PIV sex with anus fingering. That seems to be the running theme. Sure, there are position swaps, some lesbian sex, and an MFM trio, but they all seem hash ups of what we’ve seen before. There were only two scenes that really caught my eye – the first scene between Jessica Drake and Brad Armstrong where he puts a little more thought into performing oral on her to a wonderful jazzy background and a scene where Angel is watching another woman in a sex booth (which either turns to sex between the two or perhaps Angel just imagines it). But the novelty soon faded after more than a few minutes of the same thing happening in each scene. Maybe I have a short attention span but they seemed to drone on forever.

As did the entire movie which runs almost 3 hours. I really wanted to watch it in one sitting and I know a lot of people don’t do that. I just couldn’t. It took 3 or so sittings and, by the end, I was fast forwarding through it just to see how it ends. The ending actually reminds me a bit of Hancock in theme and revolves completely around the plot, but I quickly grew tired of the plot and poor acting, if you couldn’t already tell.

I am also unsatisfied by the pitiful excuse they call oral sex and manual stimulation on a female. It seemed like it was all just thrown in to look good for the camera but it was always sloppy and short, two things I cannot stand in my own sex life. I found it hard to believe any of the countless stars were having any fun, and the ridiculously fake moans only convinced me more. It’s hard to believe anyone actually enjoyed making this movie. It’s all so contrived. Luckily, there is an option to turn off the moans and only have music play, and I must say, the music is chosen rather well. Still, it’s kind of odd not to hear any moaning.

As long as I’m talking about music, I had quite a difficult time hearing Jessica Drake’s breathy voice over the background music, which is the main reason I lost track of the plot. The sound techs need to do a better job next time.

The box talks about the unique style of Brad Armstrong, who also directed Fallen, and it may be a step above most porn, but it’s also distracting at times. In the scene with Jessica and Brad, which I initially liked, I grew frustrated with all the fading to black, and many scenes are washed out from natural light, which may be on purpose, but I feel that using professional lighting would have really been the better move. On the subject of style, I originally liked Angel’s costume on the cover but soon came to realize that most of her outfits look straight off the Hot Topic website. Uninspired, again.

You won’t find many actresses who stray from the typical blond and big-breasted stereotype, either. Jessica Drake certainly fits it to a T as do most of the countless other porn stars. I don’t know many porn stars from face alone but they all blended together and there were so many actors/actresses simply in for one sex scene that they never struck a chord with me.

I have to say that there is quite a lot of bonus material including a digital copy of the movie, deleted scenes and the ability to choose from multiple endings. You can control Angel’s destiny which I find really cool but I was so wiped from having to watch almost 3 hours of uninspired sex and acting that I honestly could not force myself to watch more. However, if you like Fallen I bet you would enjoy these features immensely.

So, is Fallen really all that and a bag of chips? Maybe if you like your porn typical-but-with-a-bit-of-plot. Maybe if you have a thing for Jessica Drake or Brad Armstrong. Maybe if you want something a little different but still inside the box. Maybe if you like to flip from scene to scene without watching the whole thing. Maybe if you’re not me. Pirates is much more my kind of big-budget porn.

3 Comments

Categories: Media, Reviews

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.