The way that I masturbate

December 16th, 2013

I was recently reading Epiphora’s review of the Magic Wand, in which she examines the way that Vibratex is re-packaging the old favorite and how she has come to prefer the Hitachi.. at the right time. According to her, “the secret to the Hitachi is knowing when and how to use the Hitachi.” Epiphora’s review includes a list of when to use the Hitachi over other sex toys. The first four items on the list describe my masturbation style. Every. single. time.

  • you’re wearing underwear and don’t want to remove it
  • you’re wearing pants and don’t want to remove those
  • you don’t want to have to clean something
  • you don’t want to fuck around and would please like an orgasm in <2 minutes, thank you

Honestly, it wouldn’t occur to me that people masturbate in another way. I know they do. I’ve read the reviews. I just don’t get it. For me, masturbation is almost utilitarian. I do it to get off, not necessarily to feel good. It’s not that those two things are mutually exclusive but, for me, they’re not mutually inclusive.

I masturbate to get off. The sooner the better. If the orgasm doesn’t come easily, I’m almost frustrated by it. When it does come, I typically keep going to see how many I can get. I stop when I get bored.

Certainly, it might be more fun to reach for a Vixen dildo. But If I’m going to use a toy at all, it’s frequently a clitoral stimulator like Siri or Layaspot. I really have to put a lot of thought into a masturbation session if I’m going to use an insertable. This is why it takes so long for me to get around to reviews.

Now that it’s freezing — haha, no it’s not. It’s -8 — and the very idea of taking off my clothes and climbing into my frigid bed to masturbate? I don’t think so. We’re experiencing an especially cold winter, though. I don’t normally stop masturbating for six months out of the year.

But even when I have the option, I’ll probably opp to rub myself through my panties and pants. I don’t want to have to break out the lube or wash anything after. It’s about pressure not precision. I could certainly use something to apply that pressure — the Revel Body actually works better to get me off when it’s not even on because of this — but I usually don’t.

Perhaps if I kept more toys in the living room, within reach of the couch, I’ll use them more frequently. I can certainly stuff them in my hollow pillows. I could keep the Miracle Massager plugged in and ready to use at any time.

It does seem a little bit like a shame to own all these awesome sex toys and not do anything with them. And perhaps that’s why I’ve been in such a reviewing rut (and why I tend to find myself spending less time on sites like SexToys247 looking at new toys) . I truly don’t need more than one toy that does anything. I’m happy with one internal vibe, one clitoral vibe, one awesome dildo, one super-strong wand, et cetera.

Variety, it seems, is not the spice of my sex life.

6 Comments

Categories: Everything Else

Pure Romance Is (Even More Of) A Scam!

October 31st, 2013

Nothing about Pure Romance is "pure"
Nothing about Pure Romance is “pure”

I’ve gone to my fair share of Pure Romance parties. The company seems to be the one that’s most prevalent in many places; although Passion Parties is another name that I know.

This isn’t the first time that I’ve written about sex toy parties. They can be a great deal of fun; although, that depends on who’s there and your consultant. The event might be right up your alley. I’ve had plenty of fun and made new friends at some of them, but others have been a little more lackluster.

However, my issue is with Pure Romance as a company, which doesn’t just sell you sex toys and bath and body items but sells you rebranded items that are marked up. I already knew this about the vibrators and such. As the rep went through the catalog, I recognized several pieces that I had tried by California Exotics. Marilyn was on the list, as well as a number of cheaper vibrators that were marked up 50 to 100 percent. Jaguar is a toy I wouldn’t recommend at $30 let alone $59.

The rep skipped right through the Diamond collection because “we didn’t have that much money,” but it was mostly Jopen products.   The Wingman, for example, costs $189 from Pure Romance but the original in the Jopen Ego line is $110. Various items from the Key line are marked up $20 or more.

But, like I said, this is old news. I mostly go for the bath and body products, and I was curious about the pink cupcake scent that’s new. I love my pink cupcake products from Classic Erotica. As it turns out, they smell exactly the same because..

Holiday Products makes both Classic Erotica and Pure Romance.

Now, this could be convenient for some people, but the markup is ridiculous. Pure Romance brands both a shaving cream and a body mist, got $19 and $20, respectively. However, even sex toy vendors charge less than $9 for the body mist. Crazy Girl’s shave cream costs less than half the Coochy-branded cream and, yes, Coochy from either Classic Erotica or Pure Romance is essentially the same thing. The big different? The scents available and what products are there.

Both lines include Body Dew, but Pink Cupcake isn’t available from Classic Erotica. Similarly, not all of the Pure Romance products are available in the other brand. However, even if you can only get it from Pure Romance, you don’t have to buy it from a book party. You can usually hop onto Ebay and get it for much cheaper if you don’t mind waiting a few days for shipping.

However, that’s not the only issue I have with Pure Romance.

Consultants Are Not Given Enough Sexual Health Information and Some of That Information Is Plain Wrong

I don’t expect a sex toy party to be an eye-opening experience, but the last of information was pretty sad. For example, Pure Romance sells anal numbing and vaginal tightening creams, both of which are unhealthy. There’s no warning about them, of course. Plus, numbing creams actually negate you body’s natural response to pain (read more about this here). If it hurts, you’re doing something wrong. The consultant said as much.. right before she hawked the numbing products from the company.

And a warning about silicone lube and silicone toys? Nothing. Sure, she mentioned not to store your toys next to one another but not why. Pro tip: if you leave a jelly toy for long enough, it will leech mineral oil. No mention of using condoms and never using a porous toy that’s been used anally vaginally — ever again. She did mention that no silicone is ever clear, but I’ve seen some of the awesome stuff that Jollies made.

And when someone asked the difference between metal and silicone, she responded that silicone warms to body temperate and metal doesn’t. Actually, both can warm; although, metal feels quite cool if you haven’t prewarmed it, which you can do with warm water. Silicone is also available in a variety of firmness, which is what I wanted to say, but I knew it didn’t pay

Finally, I was absolutely appalled when the rep said that there was only one type of orgasm, and you’re stimulating the same party altogether. No, you are not. Mary Roach wrote a revealing article “The Immaculate Orgasm: Who Needs Genitals?” that’s in her own book and Best Sex Writing 2009. In it, she talks about research on women with spinal injuries who retain the ability to achieve one sort of orgasm but not the other because clitoral and G-spot orgasms trigger different nerves. Not only that, but saying that there’s only one type of orgasm negates all the experiences that women have had, the very women who are at a Pure Romance party to explore their sexuality. Negative comments can be permanently damaging to these women, and that’s just not cool.

Let’s not forget, once and for all, that..

Pure Romance is a pyramid scheme.

And it works only when you can guilt your friends into paying for products.

So let’s just be done with them. You can buy directly from manufacturers like LELO. Shop around online. PinkCherry always has amazing sales, and bloggers like myself are more than happy to write a review to set you on the right path.

1 Comment

Categories: Advice, Shopping

The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys Review + Giveaway

October 16th, 2013

The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toy

The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toy
$14.95 from Amazon

It’s interesting that I’ve read Violet Blue’s blog on and off for years without reading anything of hers in print (well, I did read books that she’s edited). Now, I can add that to my to-done list, which is my version of a bucket list — only I add things that I’ve already done. The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys is intended to be the book about sex toys, the Bible of sex toys. I’m not quite sure that I’d swear an oath on this book, but I’d probably recommend it to most people.

If you’re not familiar with the author, her work or her expertise in the field, the forward by Charlie Glickman talks about her experience working for Good Vibes. You can also check out her blog here. Charlie, who has asides through the book, co-wrote the Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, which I really liked. Both the forward and the content of the book really dive right into the subject. It’s a no-nonsense approach that could maybe be a little more “inviting” by giving some stats about how many people enjoy sex toys of something of that nature. If you’re curious but not quite adventurous, you’ll get the gist that sex toys are fun, but this book might not be as reassuring as you’d like.

This doesn’t mean that the book isn’t useful, however. On the whole, the things I had problems with were very specific and probably only bothersome to me because I do know as much as I do about sex toys. The gen– doesn’t mention not to use silicone The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys was just fine. Most people would be just fine if they followed the advice that I have to nitpick, and many people wouldn’t even notice what seemed like errors to me. You want examples? Okay!

Cons

  • Violent mentions water-based lube as the most common (true) but only discussed silicone-based lube as an aside. I saw no mention of not using it with silicone toys.
  • In the first chapter, which contains information about cleaning toys, Violet recommends antibacterial soap but doesn’t mention that soaps containing triclosan must remain on an item for 2 minutes to be effective
  • She also says that no clear silicone exists. While translucent toys typically are made of jelly/rubber/PVC, Jollies dildo are somewhat translucent.
  • Although she mentions wooden dildos, there was no mention given to any of them or brands like NobEssence. Um, what?
  • While she mentions vaginal balls, I don’t recall a specific naming of any brand or recommends about safety; i.e. don’t use disgusting balls with string connectors. Eww.
  • There’s no mention of the Liberator Throe, which I haven’t reviewed on this blog but still remains one of the most coveted items in my collection.
  • Violet spends a bit of time on camming as part of cybersex. I guess I don’t personally find this to be toy-y in my mind. Anyway, she talks about how webcams basically suck and that you have to buy them, ignoring the fact that almost all computers are equipped with a cam, and many phones have front-facing cameras. She then goes on to give a very specific HTML code about refreshing your website when showing your streaming cam but doesn’t say how to do that in the first place. Given the lack of relevant and timeliness, this entire section is unnecessary.

I did find it curious that every.single.time Violet mentioned a website or brand that I was not familiar with, the website no longer existed. This was the case with Luv Seat and Clear Ecstasy. The latter is a glass dildo maker and while I can find items from the company on retailers, they’re unimpressive and not what she was talking about. Similarly, Violet mentions a programmable vibrator by Je Joue, which I believe to be the predecessor to Sasi, which the company no longer makes. A little fact-checking would have gone a long way. This is especially true when you consider that this is the second version, which means it should specifically correct those errors.

I didn’t hate the book, however. It’s just much better suited to someone who couldn’t have written it. In fact, I found that there was very little information that isn’t freely available online, some of it even on Of Sex and Love.

Pros

  • Violet includes a section about risks of spreading diseases and infections through sharing sex toys, anal/oral and penetrative sex in the very last chapter. This might be the most useful representation I’ve yet seen of
  • The book is neither homophobic nor heteronormative. With general references to partners, gay and straight people alike will find it suitable for them.
  • The information about sex machines was definitely more than I knew before picking up this book — er, the PDF version, that is.
  • The same goes for USB toys, some of which you can actually have a partner control from their own computer. I had no idea about this before.
  • The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys walks you through the basics of toys, bringing them up to partners and a bit of anatomy to
  • Of course, you can skip any chapter and go right where you need to be. Sol while I might bitch about something, I don’t need to read it.
  • At just shy of 150 pages and is an easy read, you can finish the full thing in less than 2 hours!

So, if that’s piqued your interest at all, you can buy the book on Amazon.

6 Comments

Categories: Books, Reviews

What Sex Toy Retailers Can Learn from the EdenFantasys Scandal

October 13th, 2013

Let me preface this article by explaining which scandal I am talking about because there are many. EdenFantasy has been doing wrong by employees, clients, manufacturers and reviewers for years. But several months ago, the owner “discovered” there was barely enough revenue left to keep the company afloat. He fire all the employees and shut down all the clubs and programs, including Sexis and EdenCafe, that had been going on. He, then, decided to cut how many points — points that contributors had earned — that contributors could put toward their orders. This resulted in a strange “point consideration proposal” by Fred who literally and liberally berated the community for abusing the system that he had championed for years.

I quote:

You will be asked to submit a reconsideration request. It is optional. If you chose not to participate, your points will remain as they are now.
We review the submission manually and decide whether your points will be restored or completely erased.

All your points (or converted Gift Cards) will be cancelled and removed if company finds that you accumulated 500 points or more by intentionally abusing the system.

EdenFantasys is not a store you an trust!

Around this time, many products were “discontinued.” Reviews and orders were being canceled left and right. Some, mind included, took months to get out. Anyone who wanted to buy something was hard-pressed to do so. Affiliates who had reached their payouts were not — and some still haven’t been, 5 months later — paid. During this whole thing, Fred refused, and then denied when I brought it up, to discuss or admit the state of the company. He banned many contributors and limited the accounts of others, myself included. However, many of the previous employees began to speak up about how this was just the cherry on top of the shit sundae.

Reviewers and shoppers who wised up by reading posts like mine left in droves, many opening up a blog for the very first time. Others took to Twitter and other review/affiliate programs in light of Fred/EdenFantasys’ policies.  SheVibe opened their own forum.

There’s no doubt that it’s a ridiculous scandal and one that could have been completely avoided. It hurt the company and left the community scarred and fragmented, but that’s not all there is to it. Eden’s fallacies are absolutely a lesson that other companies can — and should — learn from. This is far from a cohesive list, so I encourage you to add your thoughts in the comments. I may even add them to this post. The scary part is how many of these facts are simply common sense.

Business Management

  • Don’t turn a blind eye to things like the bills. They don’t go away. Quite the opposite. They pile up, and you ruin your reputation with consumers, manufacturers and other companies with whom you have a relationship. When it gets to the point that the company needs to be shut down or sold immediately because you ignored or tried to deny away the problem for months or even years, there’s no one to blame but yourself.
  • Yes, you have to spend money to make money. No, you shouldn’t spend thousands or millions of dollars on projects that don’t bring in money and ultimately bleed the company dry. Yes, working with bloggers can yield positive results. No, it shouldn’t be your only end game.
  • Don’t blame the customers for your bad business practices. This falls under the “there’s no one to blame but you” category, but I’ll talk about it more anyway. Don’t blame customers for taking advantage of programs or sales that you created.
  • It’s such a sleazy thing to base your business on the idea that you will make deals with others. That you will slip them something a little extra under the table or that you’ll bow to their demands to appease them, especially if you’re hurting your customer in the process.
  • Don’t try to do it all. Even if you have the best of intentions, you can’t do it all. You just can’t. Determine what you can do and do it well rather than spreading yourself too thin. Otherwise, you wind up starting clubs and giveaways and blogger outreach. The best case scenario is that it works with a few hiccups or that it doesn’t, and you can gracefully back out. Sometimes people will understand. On the other hand, if you don’t realize that you’re setting yourself up for failure, you might make a bunch of promises that you can’t deliver on, which may result in some unhappy customers.
  • Treat your employees well because they are what make your company run. They may be the face that customers see. They have the power to testify against you in court and to tell your dirty little secrets.

Community

  • When you reward your contributors for listing pros and cons about things, they’ll do the same for your company. It’s not about bloggers, it’s about pissing off vocal people. And bloggers will talk — even Metis Black mentioned how quickly the network works a CatalystCon West —  partly because we like to talk to begin with, but it’s more than that. I feel as though I owe readers the truth, whether it’s about a a toy or a company. I feel an obligation to tell buyers that a company isn’t reputable. As a blogger, I feel a sense of community with my fellow bloggers, and I want to help protect them from companies that will take advantage of them. So it’s my job to talk about it on this blog, on Twitter, on Tumblr, on Facebook or on your forum. Wherever I can talk about what you did wrong, I will. It’s not about you. It’s not petty vengeance. It’s about raising awareness of wrongdoing.
  • This leads me to my next point: don’t lie. The truth always comes out. Either you wind up telling bigger lies to cover up the succession of untruths, you get caught in the act or you wrong a person whom you trusted with your secret, and the truth comes out. The truth always comes out. Can you deal with that?
  • People don’t react to change well, especially not if it’s sudden. Yes, you may have to change the focus or programs that your company has. If you do it all at once, people will complain because they’ve become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. You can attempt to smooth things over by explaining why you have to change, and even though you don’t have to explain how your company works or what you’re doing, a little transparency goes a long way. When you start lying, even if it’s just by having shady practices, people stop trusting you.

And that trust? Yea, it’s kind of important when you use marketing campaigns about how people can trust you.

 

7 Comments

Categories: Articles

This Week on Tumblr

July 12th, 2013

I spent Thursday through Sunday at a geek convention, so there wasn’t a lot of time to browse Tumblr. In fact, I didn’t hop on Tumblr until 24 hours after I got home. Gasp! However, there were a few gems to be found, starting with this creative image of someone’s favorite friend:

After attending a con that advertised “Costumes are not consent,” I was particularly struck by “16 ways to talk about consent.” Here’s slightly-more-than-half of those ways:

  1. “I like when you…”
  2. “How does this feel?”
  3. “Do you want to…?”
  4. “Show me what you like.”
  5. “Do you want to go further?”
  6. “Do you want to stop?”
  7. “Can I…?”
  8. “Does this feel good?”
  9. “Are you comfortable?”

I was a little confused by this article, in which the author discusses whether masturbation is healthy. The answer is, of course: duh!

I love the image that goes with this discussion on XOJane. Stop by and tell them what your favorite sex toy is.

You can win a Lelo Lyla 2 from Pleasure By Hush.

There’s also a review for the Stronic Zwei over on Bi Likes SciFi.

Finally, if you shell out $165, you’ll get this gorgeous dildo:

Doe

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Categories: internet, Tumblr Thursday

This Week on Tumblr

June 29th, 2013

Love is Love!

Restraints

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Categories: Tumblr Thursday

The Strap-On – Not Just For Women!

June 27th, 2013

If people think of strap-on dildos and vibrators, girl-on-girl sex is usually the first thing to come to mind. But it is not only gay women who take pleasure in wearable toys: some heterosexual couples also like to try out swapping roles, with a woman performing anal sex on her male lover. Commonly referred to as ‘pegging’, this is a sex act that can be particularly pleasurable for a man, since the prostate is a powerful erogenous zone.

Straight couples who want to experiment with anal play are advised to use personal lubricant that is designed specifically for this purpose. Ordinary lubricants might not last as long, and some might even cause skin irritation when used for anything other than vaginal intercourse. With a little bit of hygienic preparation and adequate lubrication, the experience is more likely to be a pleasurable and kinky experience. A two-way strap-on enables both parties to get off in the act.

There is also another kind of strap-on that is strictly for men. The simple truth is that some men are very modestly endowed, and this can make sex a less than earth-shattering experience! Luckily, there are hollow strap-on dildos which increase length and girth, and some designs are made to feel just like skin. Guys who struggle to remain hard for extended periods of time can alternate between using a strap-on and their own packages.

Strap-on dildos for men are also big in the leather scene, and a toy attached to a studded belt is a good accessory to add to a collection of restraints and other BDSM gear. When you buy a strap-on for anal play, remember to also purchase hygiene products for personal preparation as well as cleaning products for your toys. Squeaky-clean toys are a must, especially if you use them on multiple orifices.

The strap-on is a great invention for women who love women and heterosexual couples alike. With a little bit of silky lubricant and some good mood music playing in the background, your first experience using a strap-on is likely to be one to remember.

2 Comments

Categories: Everything Else

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.