I Get Paid to Write About Sex

November 3rd, 2016

..and it has nothing to do with this blog.

Which isn’t to say that I haven’t made money from this blog. But I am not so awesome (like Epiphora!) to have made it my job.

I do get paid to write about sex, though, even if I’m not directly paid to write about sex toys. And I like it that way.

Mostly, I do ghost-writing. Although, I do get a byline here and there. I typically write blog posts for sex toy stores and communities, including the Bad Girl’s Bible, Romantix and Cirillas, among others. I get to tell people how to choose sex toys, how to talk about sex, what it means to slut-shame, and which lubes are best for which sexual activities. All in all, it’s a charmed life.

And yet, it wasn’t at all what I set out to do. In the beginning of my freelance writing career, I wrote often about technology-related topics: cell phones and iPods, routers, and browser settings. Several years ago, I began writing almost exclusively about search engine optimization (SEO). There were many things happening in the world of SEO, which meant there was much to write about.

All of these topics interested me as most things do – at least for a while. Writing about sex, relationships and toys fell right in line. It has given me an opportunity to write things that I truly believe have helped readers (and I’ve seen feedback from readers that validates this). Like I said, a charmed life.

Sure, it sometimes feels monotonous or redundant. There are topics that I find frivolous or shallow, but not everyone has read (let alone written) a blog like mine for 8 years. Some people are just discovered their sexual side, and my words may help make it easier or more fun. Who knows? And everyone once in a while, I learn something new to me as well.

So, yes, I get paid to write about sex. And, yes, you can hire me.

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Categories: Everything Else

6 Guys I Don’t Want to Have Sex With

January 20th, 2016

1. The Guy With the Big Dick Who Thinks That’s All It Takes

Sure, there’s something awesome about a dick that’s just big enough to stimulate the G-spot, and I feel like a champ when i take an especially big dick. But having a big dick alone is not enough, folks. If you just stick to the in-and-out, it can be boring and painful and the big dick inside my vagina is unlike to do anything for my clit. I would much rather sleep with someone less endowed but more skilled. Sorry.

2. The Inexperienced Guy

I am sure there are plenty of people who have little to know experience who will eventually make wonderful lovers. I’m just not the person to teach them. I’ve no problem telling you what I like or don’t, but sometimes that’s easier to articulate than others. And sometimes it’s just nice to be in experienced hands and to let go of thinking and just be.

3. The Guy Who Won’t Go Down on Me

I can’t say that I need this every single time, but it’s gotta be something that happens at least 75% of the time I have sex with someone. It’s almost a guaranteed orgasm, and even if it weren’t, getting eaten out feels intimate and divine in a way that I am not willing to live without.

4. The Guy Who Never Listens to Me

My ex-husband was a terrible kisser, like, to the point that I feel bad for his new wife. He opened his mouth too far, didn’t move his lips and was incredibly sloppy. Kissing him often made my own mouth feel chapped or sore. I tried to bring it up, gently of course. Time and time again. He was acknowledge me, seemingly open to my suggestions. Nothing ever changed. The kiss thirty seconds after I requested something would be exactly the same.

I can’t do this, not ever again. It’s one thing if you’re a little self involved or aren’t as good at reading body language as some people. But when you actively want advice and then ignore it repeatedly, I am done.

5. The Guy Who Is Intimidated by My Toy Collection

There’s an interesting thing that happens when someone finds out I have toys and they like it: I am simultaneously aroused and a little frightened by the prospect of using them together. This is because the way I masturbate is so different than the way I have sex, and using toys together seems like a melding of the two.

But that anxiety is absolutely better than someone who won’t ever use toys with me or, even worse, someone who thinks I shouldn’t use them just because I am am actively having sex with other people. Nope nope nope.

6. The Guy Who Is Incredibly Vanilla

This was definitely a roadblock when it came to the last guy I had sex with. He was just boring in bed. To be fair, he was boring outside of bed. His routine was the same. Am I talking about his everyday life or sex? Does it matter.

There’s a thrill that comes from being slightly-less-than vanilla. Call it chemistry or sexual tension. No matter what you call it, though, sex isn’t really worth having without it. I know they say that sex is like pizza because “even if it’s bad, it’s still okay.” But I have to disagree. Pizza and sex aren’t worth having most of the time if they’re not at least good enough. I’ll stop halfway through and do something better with my time.

And maybe that’s why I’m the type of woman who many men would rather not have sex with. I’m okay with that.

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Categories: Dating

Judging His Cover

February 15th, 2015

He was plain. There was nothing special about him. He was lanky with too much gut from years of drinking. His hair was thinning prematurely, and he tried to hide it by wearing it long or, more frequently, wearing hats.

He was tall enough to look awkward. All of his t-shirts looked two sizes too large. If we’re being honest, they were. It’s hard to clothe that frame.

He wore glasses ill-suited to his face shape. Without anti-glare, looking at him was like looking into some sort of abyss. It was empty and soulless.

Whenever he gained weight, his face ballooned out like a chipmunk foraging for its very survival. He tried to hide this by growing a beard. To a certain extent, it worked, but he let it become unruly. At this point, his childlike nose poked out from between the whiskers, and he just looked silly.

That’s all he was: silly.

And yet with all this silliness, his mediocrity and his inability to style himself in a manner that indicated any thought at all, he was confident. He was cool. He was fun. He was the laid back type of person whom you always want to be around because he makes everything look so damned easy.

So despite his awkwardness, his overly-worn hats and glasses that made it impossible to tell whether his eyes were green or blue anyway, I fell in love with him. In spite of myself, I found my mind drifting to him whenever it wanted, whether or not I wanted it to at all.

And despite all of his own insecurities, he carried himself with enough confidence that he was magnetic, his charisma always pulling me closer to him when his arms weren’t physically wrapping around me and bending me to his will. He twisted and pulled and I melted against him, this plain, not-special, awkward boy who was trying too hard to be a man.

What was it about him? It wasn’t visible. It was chemical, running through his veins and jolting across neural pathways. It was gustatory, sliding across my tongue and sticking in my mouth with a sweetness that was only as bitter as I imagined. It was tangible, electric, breath-quickening and pulse-quickening.

What it was that drew me to him, kept me at his side and begging for me, left me looking after him when he’d already walked away, was an eddy of forces so subtle and quick that I was already gasping for breath by the time that I realized what had happened. And by then, his animal magnetism had already replaced oxygen as my primary source of survival.

That is the power of the main who looks plain from the outside but feels like a storm once he’s inside you. Flowery descriptions seem so far from apropos when it comes to the boy who slouches and drinks too much and isn’t sure of his own self worth.

But when I think of the awkward boy with all his flaws, even through the filter of my broken heart, I cannot help but see a little beauty.

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Categories: The Bartender

That Time I Broke My Tooth During Sex

June 20th, 2014

I don’t have many crazy sexual stories. I like to have sex in bed for no reason other than it’s comfortable. I like being comfortable.

I also like occasionally getting slapped, and the bartender doesn’t mind obliging.  The last time we had sex, we enjoyed an open-palmed hit to my face. Later that day, I enjoyed some dinner with my little sister, but my mouth felt strange. I have one tooth that sometimes scratches my inner cheek because it’s sharp, and it feel like this was happening.

Upon investigation, part of it crumbled right off. My dentist confirmed that this tooth — my wisdom tooth — had broken. I am waiting for an extraction appointment. In the meantime, it doesn’t hurt. Thankfully. Though, I did spit out more pieces of tooth the other day.

The tooth was already in poor shape due to it being a wisdom tooth that there was never room for to begin with. It would eventually have broken; although, I’m sure the bartender helped it along.

And now I’m getting taken care of, which is just fine. However, I am certainly going to tell this story as that one time when I broke my tooth during sex should anyone ask.

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Categories: Everything Else, The Bartender

3 Simple Steps to Find True Love on Adult Dating Sites

February 6th, 2014

True love is much more that Adult Dating for sex. A few simple steps to improve your  relationships.

“What is love…” these famous words from the world-famous song performed by Haddaway form one of the greatest issues in field of gender relations. No doubts, today we have more than one sure answer to the question “What’s love?” Modern science is able to provide you with the whole mess of “technical data” concerning the inner mechanism of adult dating; religion states that love is the highest level of spiritual unity given by the Lord; online dating services providers just offer wide choice of virtual love to millions of adult singles for free or small monetary compensation…

In fact, most adult sex dating fans know that love is too complicated thing to shove it in the frame of a customer-friendly definition. The most simple way to understand that great feeling and get lots of adult fun from it is to live with romance, cause true love always depends on the way you live.

Let’s get to practice now! The following steps will help you to make your romantic relation last longer or succeed in adult dating if you’re one of those adult singles who look for new bliss isles in the great ocean of sensual pleasures:

Follow the “LLL rule.” To find a sex partner for nsa dating is a piece of cake for modern adult fun seekers. However, to find a great lover you need to Listen to him/her, Learn more about your potential sexy partner’s hopes and dreams and Love his real personality hidden behind the everyday-life mask.

Make friends before dating for sex. Before getting the maximum of adult fun from the moments of physical and mental intimacy it would be necessary to start from being just friends. In real life long-lasting romance full of pleasurable adult sex very often is a consequence of warm friendship.

Act natural and don’t hesitate to look around. Suppose, this point is clear to most adult singles and sex partners in couples. However, there’s always need to remind a few small things – just to make the whole picture of happy romance play all it’s colors:

  • show your true personality if you want to be recognized;
  • stop thinking that your love is somewhere far away from you. Look around – it may be that girl that lives next door to you who dreams of winning your heart for herself. Adult datingis full of pleasant surprises, you know.

The article was presented by Shagaholic.com adult dating site, make your dating life full of adult fun!

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Categories: Dating

A battle of will.

January 21st, 2014

I am not sure if I can put into words how much I want to climb atop you, to guide you into myself. Maybe I’ll wet my lips and gasp at the first sensations as our bodies meet, your cock so perfectly filling me, your presence completing the parts of me I didn’t even know were missing.

And I’ll stay there in that moment, not moving, barely breathing. I’ll slide my hands down your chest, rest them on your stomach and arch backwards. The sound of my silhouette will be my moans breaking the silence as the moment meets every item on my mental checklist.

Perfection.

The time for silence will pass. So will the time for stillness, as my hands bring yours to explore my body, every curve, every fold, every muscle. There won’t be any need to guess. Your fingers will travel from my mouth down the length of my body, finally delving between my lips like electricity on my clit.

We’ll move slowly together, my hips against yours and my mouth against your own. You’ll taste me on your tongue as it intertwines with mine. When we finally break, you’ll chase my lips, begging from more.

But the sudden crack of my palm against your cheek will let you know that you can’t have it.

The time for leisure will pass.

I will fuck you until we  both cum, and neither of us will have words, anymore.

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Categories: Stories, The Bartender

Sex Is Like Blogging

November 8th, 2013

I’ve been running away with the analogies today, so what better time to write the post that I’ve been mulling over in my mind?

Sex is like blogging or, rather, blogging is like sex.

I mean, I guess I’ve been blogging for longer than I’ve been having sex. Now, isn’t that kinda weird to say?

Back onto the topic at hand.

I’ve discussed with many people before how sex becomes more of a “necessity” the more you have it. This is true for me. When I have sex frequently, I want more sex more frequently. When it’s been a while, desire dies down a bit. I almost have to psych myself up to get back into the mood. Often, I do this and think “What have I been waiting for?”

Blogging is much the same. When I don’t blog for a while, I get bogged down with the idea that I “owe” my readers a blog post. I should get on it, so on and so forth. However, the longer I wait, the less likely I am to open up WordPress in my browser. Timely posts become too late to be important, or drafts sit in my dashboard for weeks or even months as a time.

It takes quite some convincing by the time I add a new post, and it’s usually because I feel as though an arbitrary amount of time has passed. However, when I blog and get into a groove, I can write three or four posts right away. The inspiration flows, and I don’t want to stop.

But when I’m going through those slow periods, I don’t remember this. I don’t have the passion or yearning.

Of course, blogging isn’t quite the same as sex. Sex falls into the category of necessity for me. Sex, when done right, fulfills needs that I didn’t even know that I had. Sex can even solve my biggest problem: my anxiety. Blogging doesn’t quite fulfill me that way. It’s a hobby that has perks, so it’s less likely that I’m going to stress out over my lack of activity in it.

So let’s extend this analogy a bit:

  • When you’re really into sex or blogging, the result will be better for everyone involved.
  • Sex is like blogging in that watchers make it more fun, and that it’s better to have fun, laughing content rather than serious.
  • You get more out of it when you get something into it.
  • Sometimes it’s easier to be vulnerable when blogging or having sex than it is during everyday conversation.
  • There’s always more to both worlds than you realize initially.
  • Anonymous sex and blogging can both be hot.
  • Hell, you can make money from both.. and companies use both sex and blogging to sell products.

So, for you, how is sex like blogging?

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Categories: Everything Else, internet

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.