Premature Ejaculation: What does it mean?

October 21st, 2008

It might be pretty cut and dry to some what it means but I think the assumption that there is a time when a man can ejaculate too early shows a lot about our expectations and perhaps misunderstandings about sex.

In my mind, assuming there there is a time which is “too early” for a man to orgasm, means that there must be a “correct” time for him to orgasm. To imply cut-and-paste directions to sex is not only futile but potentially harmful. How many problems from people only wanting to be viewed as normal? I think I am fairly educated when I come to sex and reasonable as well. I figure if I want to do it, if he agrees and if we’re not hurting anyone (or at least taking care not to cause irreparable harm) or breaking any laws, then it’s a go even if it’s not  seen as normal.

With that said, I don’t think that any averages are accurate when it comes to judging sex. Who is to take that a the average penis size is 5.3 inches or black men have bigger cocks or sex lasts and average of 15 minutes The fact is sex shouldn’t even be looked at in the terms of average but in the terms of what’s right for you. Why are we so busy obsessing over a model of typical behaviour when, in actuality, that model itself is skewed because people are too afraid to admit how it actually is.

So what is the model in this context? I think the model is that a guy must last a certain time in order to please his partner. Often, this includes helping the partner achieve orgasm as well. While I am all for satisfaction, attentiveness and orgasm, I think it’s impossible to apply a blanket statement over sex. The only person who can set a standard is your partner and, even then, the standard may vary drastically from time to time.

When it comes down to, “holding out” as long as you can or until your partner cums maye actually be less pleasant than you might think. In fact, putting pressure on your partner to orgasm may prevent him or her from being able to do so.

So when is the right time to orgasm? Do you need to last X amount of minutes or provide X amount of orgasms? Ask your partner! Know what it takes to satisfy your partner and be attentive to those needs first, if you feel you might not last as long as you would like. Remember, however, that sex can be completely satisfying without an orgasm for your partner. We don’t know if your partner prefers to orgasm once or twice before you do but she or he does!

Stop listening to everyone else and listen to the one person who matters most in your sex life, the person with whom you are having sex!

3 Comments

Categories: Articles

Ending the Dry Spell

September 23rd, 2008

It was not nearly a drink of water but a beautiful oasis I encountered after so many days in the desert. It was as if satiating, rejuvenating water flowed down my throat and across my skin, heightening my senses. This was no ordinary oasis, no ordinary experience.

Reluctant at first, I pulled him on top of me, his leg in between mine. A familiar exchange, our bodies rubbed and grinded against each other. His cock was hard against my hip while I rubbed myself against his leg. I felt the return of familiar hormones and feelings. Although I hadn’t wanted it at the beginning, I did then.

His kisses covered my skin, eventually moving south. Ever attentive, he lavishly pleasured me with his mouth and fingers. As heavenly as it felt and although I could feel my orgasm building, it was long and taxing in effort.  He was selfless, as always (or maybe not; he is quick to profess his addiction to performing oral sex on me) and brushed aside my apologies.

His body moved up until his cock slid into me, effortlessly. It felt as though it had been ages since we had last been intimate. Perhaps it hap. There was no discomfort or awkwardness; everything worked together like a well oiled machine (and by that time I was well lubricated by my own arousal and his saliva). His cock felt wonderful and filling in that hard-yet-soft way.

He thrusted, I rocked in return. For whatever reason, his cock felt better than I remembered. Was it simply because it had been so long? Or was it something more?

We continued in our passionate throes, moaning and panting as we did. I was able to lose myself completely in this sexual bliss, one hand snaking below to rub my clitoris and pelvic bone as he thrust in and out of me. But I wanted it deeper, harder knowing all the while that what I wanted would make him orgasm sooner.

But I wanted it and demanded he please me with his cock. I came again for the second or third time and as I commanded him to fuck me harder, to come in me, he moaned in kind. His thrusts came more powerful and I came again, a satisfying and shuddering orgasm as he spilled his hot cum inside of me.

As his semen came rushing into me, a flood of emotions came rushing out and, before I knew it, I was crying. Hot tears ran down my cheeks in a torrent of sudden emotion and I held his body close to mine, physically spent but emotionally charged.

Comment

Categories: Stories

The Gears are Grinding

September 18th, 2008

I’m writing articles and reviews in the back of my mind. In the mean time, I thought I’d share with you a cycle I notice that I’m in. It seems that the less I have sex, the less I think about it and the less I want to have it. The also seems to be true; the more I have sex, the more I want it and the more I think about it.

It’s sort of a curious trend but  not without it’s logic. The less time I spend having sex, the less time I think about having sex and the further away from the idea of sex I grow. The less time I think about sex, the more I spend thinking about other things and the more I concentrate on other subjects, the more subjects arise to keep my attention. As my mind distances itself from the subject, my body does, too which is a fair assessment when you consider that female arousal and sexuality is mostly mentally based.

On the other hand, the more time I spend having sex, the closer my mind is to the issue and it will be more easily aroused to continue having sex. The effect my mind has on my body is obvious. I’m aroused more easily and quicker to accept sex. When sex takes up a larger part of my mind, other subjects are forced out and I think of it even more.

The one thing I find interesting is that these trends don’t necessarily have a correlation with masturbation quantities although quality might be something different. If I am not having sex, I might be more likely to masturbate but if I’m not thinking about sex at all, I may be less likely to engage in self stimulation. The same lack of trend is apparent when I am having sex. An increase in sex may mean an increase in general arousal and thus more masturbation or it may mean that I’m being satisfied more and thus masturbate less.

I think the difference here is in purpose of masturbation. Generally, it’s just done to get off; it’s a mechanical motion rather than a passionate or emotional one. While self gratifying, it isn’t necessarily satisfying and I usually see it more as work than play time. Of course, this changes when I have more time and space and can make it more of an experience, I will go above and beyond the call of duty but this is not all the time.

It’s interesting to see how these trends and even the lack of trends about masturbation are so heavily connected to my mind. Of course, considering how deeply rooted in mentality female sexuality and orgasm is (which is another topic for another time), I shouldn’t be surprised.

Comment

Categories: Everything Else

Adrenaline Rush

August 12th, 2008

There’s something quite thrilling about being naughty when there’s a likely chance that someone could walk in on you mid-act or hear you through paper thin walls. There’s something to the act of stifling moans of pleasure that makes my blood run a little faster, my heart pump a little harder. Sometimes, when I’m really especially mischievous, I might increase my performance to put on a show for those who might be listening.

I know I’m not alone; there are many people who are fans of sex in public places for this very reason. There are many places with signs posted that sex is a criminal offense for this very reason, yet people still risk it for the rush.

Like any high, it’s addictive.

Comment

Categories: Stories

If we cum together, would you like me better?

July 24th, 2008

Sex on an air mattress is different. There wass a certain fluidity to our movements. By design of the air mattress alone, my hips were positioned differently, coming up to meet his in a way that was similar but not quite the same as the way our hips met on a regular mattress.

The pressure of the mattress helped me to thrust upward easier, allowing me to do more of the work than I usually would while in missionary.

And thrust up I did, as my fingers pressed and rubbed my clit and pelvic bone. At first I thought I wouldn’t cum, as aroused as I was from his wonderful oral manipulations on my clit beforehand, but then I felt it building as I thrust up and again, fucking him in a way I normally couldn’t, in a way that brought more pleasure to us both.

He moaned then, saying he was going to cum, his way of indicating we would need to slow down if I wanted this to last longer. But I didn’t. I wanted to cum and if it was going to cause him to do the same so be it.

He moaned as he came, spilling hit warm seed inside of me in shocking amounts. I was too busy to notice as I came myself, fingers around my clit. I felt the contractions of my pussy, skin twitching involuntarily from my orgasm.

It was then I noticed how wet I was from his cum. Or was it mine? It didn’t matter. We had cum together, our bodies giving the other pleasure in such a natural, simultaneous way as we had never experienced before.

I quite think I do like this way better.

Comment

Categories: Stories

By any other name

July 17th, 2008

He moaned my name.

I moaned his in return, louder.

His reply, my name again, even stronger.

We moved together, the names of each on the others’ lips.

His voice was hot and heavy in my ear; I felt my arousal growing even more as he thrust his cock in and out of me, the sounds of our names to our ears driving us into a frenzy, reminding us very well of who we were with.

Naked, our skins coated in sweat (I had just taken a shower but the time had not yet come to care that I ruined it), it was just the two of us, together.

Comment

Categories: Stories

So Here We Are

July 17th, 2008

A sex blog? Really.

Really, a sex blog. Not that surprising consider how interested I have been in sexuality these past few years. Not that it’s a recent interest, either, just an exponentially growing one.

I remember when I was younger, in middle school, I would spend the night at my best friend’s house. I wold tell stories of a teenaged girl with her skirt too short who snuck out of her bedroom window at night to meet in something of a fort with her older boyfriend. After, she’d boast of her sexual adventures to her friends, showing them the physical signs of her escapades: bruised, scratched and inflamed skin.

Th stories were largely inspired by the movie Fear, a sort of sexual thriller/horror schlocky piece starring Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon. The male character was based on an older male friend, with whom we both were taken for a short while. I assume we bought imagined the female character to be an extension of ourselves.

At the time, neither of us were sexually active and although we may have thought about it and wondered what it was like – I know I did – I don’t think either of us actually wanted to participate in it, yet.

I spent many of those years and even my younger ones obsessing about sex or, rather, what I thought sex meant and entailed. My assumptions were based on the images and ideas forced on my by the media: television movies and books. Music didn’t seem to hold all the innuendos that it currently does.

Although I understood the mechanics of sex, I don’t think I understood what a complex issue it was. I still felt that my interest was something shameful and although I had been masturbating since before I was a tween, I wasn’t comfortable discussing it. Sex was, simultaneously, something slightly unnatural and shameful as well as something I greatly yearned to be having so that I could join that special club.

My younger self viewed sex as something teenagers were having who were in highschool. It was a social status, something that set them apart. I envisioned my own sexuality as a way to be accepted; if I could prove myself attractive and appealing perhaps I would not have so many issues as I had with my body and appearance, especially my weight. Maybe this would give me an edge over those who would otherwise beat me in every other way.

Could sex really do that for me? Perhaps. I suspect that the thoughts I were entertaining would eventually have led to some sort of downfall and ultimately and even poorer self image than the one I had, as is normal for those who try to validate themselves by being sexually active.

Although erroneous, my thought pattern is typical, I think, especially for young teenaged girls. Sex is a complex and confusing activity about which we’re rarely given the right information at the right time (younger, really is better).

Unfortunately, the realities of sex and the extremes portrayed in the media are often not one in the same. Sex is rarely perfect, often messy and sometimes a disappointment. It’s not always the most wonderful thing in the world nor is it awful, traumatic and debilitating. Sex doesn’t always involve months of romantic planning nor is it always spontaneous (and still perfect!). I think sex is often somewhere in the middle, something Hollywood would never want to admit to.

The reality is that the scope of human sexuality is something far grander than I ever could have imagined at that point and sex is never “always” something. Every time is different and every time offers a new opportunity to learn, to experience and to grow.

Sure, some people will boat their exploits as a way of showing status but, when it comes down to it, there are not the type of people I would choose to associate with and that is not the type of attitude that will get me anywhere.

2 Comments

Categories: Everything Else, Site

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.