Dream Maker Lunar Rabbit

September 1st, 2009

Dream Maker Lunar Rabbit

Dream Maker Lunar Rabbit
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

I was pretty excited when Evolved came out with their Dream Maker Rabbits. The pink Lunar Rabbit – which I have – is a fancy-looking toy with LED lights and multiple buttons and rotating beads, and a vibrating clit stimulator, and it’s waterproof on top of that. The Dream Makers were received with, generally, mediocre reviews but this only piqued my interest. I was even more interested in this bunny when some of the early reviews made no mention of shaft rotation – only awesome rotating beads and vibrating clit stimulators.

Packaged in Evolved’s typical metal box (although the lid is now plastic encased as well) and nestled in foam, was my pink Lunar Rabbit. I quickly discovered that the soft TPR material, which coats the shaft and clit stim, was one hell of a lint magnet. It seemed even more so than other Evolved toys I’ve tried and reminded me of my less than stellar experience with Cyberskin. The control pack is velvety, hard plastic like Evolved uses in many other products and does not attract lint, of course.

I had no issues popping 4 AAA batteries into an EZ load-style pack after unscrewing the bottom. It seemed plenty secure for waterproof purposes and made cleaning with soap and water quite easy. There is a sticker that says to push, and I expected it to click in and out of a secure position; however, pushing didn’t actually seem to do anything. The battery pack just sat there loosely the whole time. It’s not an issue, but it just seems pointless to tell us to push when it doesn’t do anything.

I immediately played with was the different functions and LED light. There is a master On/Off button which I appreciate. This is a great feature in times of unexpected.. interruptions. The clit stimulator and shaft have separate Up/Down arrow controls as well. On top of this, there is a function button for the shaft and clit stim as well, for a total of 7 buttons. This is definitely more buttons than some may be used to or even like. It’s a toy that takes a bit more practice before play to get a feel of and I was initially confused.

Overall, I prefer the control pack to Evolved’s other single-button styles because it’s much harder to accidentally turn off and there’s also 3 finger indentations on the back of the toy for grasping. I did notice that the buttons for the rotation were less responsive than the rest of the buttons, for whatever reason. I would have to push them several times to increase or lower the intensity and this was just during experimentation. It’d probably be more difficult and frustrating during actual play.

The light display is in the shape of a star, with a light at each point for a total of 10 lights. When first turned on, the Lunar Rabbit turns on the lowest setting of function 1. This setting corresponds with the lights at the bottom 2 points of the stars. As you increase the speed of either feature, another point on the star lights up (for a total of 5 stars to each feature). In all, there are 5 functions, each, for the clit stim and shaft with 5 settings/speeds for each function which results in hundreds of different combinations. The functions of the clit stim include steady vibration, short pulsation, fast pulsation, an increasing pulsation and roller coaster while the rotation/beads includes forward, backward, back and forth, faster back and forth and “stop and go” rotation. The shaft and clit stim can be operated separately by turning down the speed on the function until it turns off but I wouldn’t have minded a quick Off button for either feature, either.

I was also surprised by the fact that the shaft does rotate; it just rotates in very tiny circles which could easily be missed. Overall, though, disappointment did abound. I think Evolved made a grave mistake in powering this rabbit with AAA batteries and no matter how many you use, simply upgrading to AA would have seen a vast improvement in power. Even on the higher settings, the bunny clit stimulator wasn’t all that impressive. And while I appreciated the variety in bead rotation, it didn’t stand up to muscle clenching at all. As you can guess, I couldn’t even feel the shaft rotations even though I knew it was happening – or supposed to be. My muscles likely put a stop to that, too.

Furthermore, I found the hundreds of combinations to be lackluster, really, but I’m more of a girl who likes one or two really good settings/functions and sticks to them. I tend to skip “low” settings right for medium or high and more than one pulsation setting is pretty unnecessary for me. I would have been more than happy if my Lunar Rabbit had only a handful of stellar combinations but.. it didn’t. With that said, fans of light to medium stimulation, who love variety and build up might enjoy the power of this more.

There was one redeeming quality, however. It’s not well known and Evolved doesn’t advertise it as a feature, but the shaft can bend below the beads. I actually discovered this by accident when rocking the toy to stimulate my G-spot, which caused the shaft to bend. This offers much more noticeable stimulation via shaft rotation. Still, I especially enjoyed it with rotation off, using the rocking motion to create a very effective dual stimulator and to finally achieve an orgasm or two. Because it bends below the beads, it really offers an experience like no other rabbit I’ve tried. Unfortunately, the folks from Evolved say that continuous bending might cause this wire to break, which is a shame. I think this is by far the best quality of the Dream Maker Lunar Rabbit and without it, I was less than impressed by lackluster power, the confusing LED display, and the tendency to collect lint.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Silky sheets Pear Blossom

August 23rd, 2009

Silky Sheets Pear Blossom

Silky Sheets Pear Blossom

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

I first heard of Silky Sheets a few years ago when browsing some sex toy party catalog. One of my co-workers had purchased it but didn’t feel like it really made the sheets feel all that silky. Since then, I’ve heard several similar accounts but people still recommend this pheromone-enhanced spray because of its drying properties – something which can only be beneficial after a bedroom romp. I finally decided to give this scented, talc spray a run for its money and I have to say, I’m still not convinced.

If you’re unfamiliar with Silky Sheets, it comes in a 4 oz silver spray bottle with cap. It’s not entirely obscene but it’s nothing to show off, either.

I thought, if nothing else, I’d have good smelling sheets. I was wrong. I was torn between the different scents and so I gave my top 3 to a friend who urged me to go with Pear Blossom. It sounded fine. Unfortunately, it doesn’t smell either like fruit or flowers. The scent is something.. perfumey and too heavy, almost fermented. When I spray, I get a small glimpse at a smell I might like but it’s covered up by all the negative attributes. So I don’t think it matters at all if there are pheromones in here because my strong sense of smell is too busy objecting at the scent to process any pheromones.

Secondly, it sprays white. Yes, it can be wiped off and does wear off eventually but it’s super obvious at first. I did a test spray on my coloured armchair and was surprised. I sprayed my red curtain to the same result except, I couldn’t wipe it off right away. I guess you have to wait until it dries. Also, get ready for a visible puff of talc in your air.

But the drying is really where I thought it would work well and I waited anxiously for my husband to come home because I really don’t make much of a wet spot by myself. Sheets finally wet, I sprayed. And touched the spot. And only felt it was wetter. Frustrated, I left it alone and, eventually, it dried. I posted a thread about Silky Sheets on a sex forum but got no response from anyone who had used it. Someone did suggest spraying further away, so I did. Second go around, I had a bit more luck. It really did seem to dry up some smaller wet spots caused by massage oil but the big one, well, I’m not so sure. I gave it a generous spray and noticed no difference. I let it be and it was dry when I came back, and slightly “crispy” (like jeans dried on the line) from the Silky Sheets spray. Yet, I had left the fan on while I was gone and it had been some time. From other reviews, I got the impression that this would work much faster than that.

Without making two identical wet spots to test, I really can’t prove that Silky Sheets does or doesn’t work. I’ll probably continue to use it, just to empty the bottle and I wouldn’t necessarily discourage someone else from using it – as long as they stay away from the Pear Blossom scent – but I wasn’t blown away like I expected to be.

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Categories: Non-Sex Toys, Reviews

Sue Johanson’s Royal Rabbit Vibrator

July 31st, 2009

Sue Johanson's Royal Rabbit Vibrator

Sue Johanson's Royal Rabbit Vibrator
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

Not too long ago, I tried a Sue Johanson rabbit vibe and was like “Hmmm, this a decent toy but it doesn’t fit me all that well.” I thought I’d try another toy by Ms Johanson and opted for her Royal Rabbit (I’m trying to get away from this purple kick, really I am!).

In terms of rabbits, this one is different. The Royal Rabbit could be seen as a sort of “back to basics” rabbit. It’s rather much smaller than some (especially compared to giants like the Passion Wave) and measures in at “only” 6″, 4.5″ of which are insertable. With a diameter that’s only slightly above 1″, it could very well be a newbie toy. It also only has one function. No beads or rotation here. The Royal Rabbit only vibrates and only in one place: the head. Because there’s no bullet in the clitoral stimulator, the bunny is much smaller. Lastly, the Royal Rabbit is not controlled by a bulky battery pack/control setup at the bottom of the toy but has a wired remote, the first I’ve tried on a rabbit.

What the Royal Rabbit lacks in size, it more than makes up for in texture and shape. The pthalates free, TPR silicone is ribbed on the shaft, to add an extra bit of sensation to your play. Because of the increased friction, using a bit of water-based lube is a good idea. The enlarged head is also decorated with bumps and whirls, which, I admit, I didn’t feel all that much. However, it’s shaped worked very well for mild G-spot stimulation, which I usually don’t get from rabbits. The head is much firmer than the shaft (which can be bent to about a 90-degree angle) or the bunny’s ears (but his body is about the same firmness as the head). Plus, I never had to deal with any painful cervix bumping. This vibrator was definitely a little easier to maneuver because of its shorter length.

The remote control also aided in maneuverability. Because of my short arms, I have trouble grasping uber-bulky vibes that extend what feels like 3 feet from my vagina. This usually results in the vibe hitting the back wall of my pussy rather than the front/G-spot. This definitely wasn’t an issue here and being able to see the control in my hand took out all the guesswork. The control is very easy to use as well. It has only two buttons: an On/Off button and a button that cycles through the settings. A lot of multispeed/setting vibes do not have a button for an “easy” off, so I also appreciated that. Seeing as this toy is supposedly waterproof, the battery cap does fit snugly and the wise is firmly attached with a little protective cap over it.

Function-wise, this vibrator has a few options. The vibrations start steady and there is a low, medium and high. Next is a setting called rollercoaster, a fast pulsation that increases in speed/frequency then repeats. This is followed by a slower, steady pulsation, then a medium-paced pulsation. The seventh and final mode is a sort of “dot dot dot dash” or three quick pulsations followed by a lingering one, which repeats. For 2AA batteries, the amount of power is what I would consider satisfactory. I did find the steady vibrations to be rather lackluster as that isn’t exactly what does it for me internally. The pulsations were more enjoyable, though.

Unfortunately, since the vibration is focused on the tip of this toy, it wasn’t to be felt near the clit at all. Even if I’m just holding the Royal Rabbit in my hand, I can barely feel vibrations in the bunny’s ears, but once inserted, there’s nothing to be felt at all. I wonder if it would have made more sense to center the vibrations in the middle of the shaft or even in the clit stimulator because I think the rounded head would still be pleasurable on the G-spot. Some people find that multiple functions of some rabbit vibes are distracting so they might enjoy the Royal Rabbit more than I did. Sadly, it offered no clit stimulation at all, and, considering as I am a clitoral orgasm kind of gal, it was disappointing.

Because of the textures I previously mentioned, one might want to take special care when washing the Royal Rabbit. Soap and water or toy cleaner (unfortunately, TPR silicone cannot be sterilized) will work just fine but take your time, perhaps even use a Q-tip in the ridges and whorls. I ran my toy under running water when cleaning and it was fine but I did try to stay away from where the wire protrudes from the vibrator itself as it doesn’t have a nice protective cap n that end, like the battery pack does. I might try this in the shower but would advise against full submersion, just in case.

I was not personally impressed with the Royal Rabbit. It didn’t fit my needs, but someone who can achieve vaginal/G-spot orgasms more easily than I can or who doesn’t mind pairing this with a clitoral vibe might enjoy it better. I do think that this vibrator is about the same quality as the other toys in Sue Johanson’s line; it’s a step up from most Cal Exotic toys, but we’re not talking Fun Factory or anything here. As it is, I don’t have any qualms about using the toy, and it seems decent quality, except for where the wire meets the vibrator. I simply need more than decent to blow my mind.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Icegasm Kit

July 24th, 2009

Icegasm Kit

Icegasm Kit
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Temperature play is an easy and safe way to add a little excitement to the bedroom. I love the feel of a cool dildo upon first penetration and also enjoyed some frozen lube cubes I had the opportunity to try. Oddly enough, I’m almost adverse to heating products, except for use in massage, and have no interest in them whatsoever. On the other hand, I jumped at the opportunity to try an ice-based sex toy (and I hear BSwish has something on the horizon, too!).

Straight from the package, Icegasm is perhaps too like Tupperware with its brightly coloured ice tray and pocket rocket style vibrator. Part of me want to cringe as the various coloured caps over the tray and part of me finds it ingenious because it would absolutely not look out of place in the freezer. I could even say it’s a tray for water bottle ice cubes. On the other hand, nothing about this set is sophisticated or appeals to my sense of aesthetic.

Regardless, Icegasm is unique. It comes packaged in a clear plastic bag with instructions you or I could have printed and tied with ribbon. It has a very DIY feel and I’m not sure how I feel about that. The presentation was slightly impaired by the fact that the vibrator had fallen out and was floating loosely in the box.

The ice tray has 4 tubular slots to produce tubular ice cubes which can be attached (1 at a time) to a pocket rocket style vibrator. This vibrator is pretty typical, if not a little outlandishly coloured, save for the tip which is a plastic dome (as opposed to the 3 “prong” style of many pocket rockets). Beneath the dome is a nut, the center of which lines up with a hole in the center of the dome. Any appropriately threaded object can be screwed into the top of this vibrator. Otherwise, it is one speed, powered by a single AA battery and relatively mild in terms of vibration. I also don’t think it’s waterproof.

If it the caps which prove appropriate. These slightly dome-like pieces of plastic sit atop the molds (they don’t seem to snap on so expect them to be loose). Through a hole in the center of the caps are plastic “sticks”, like a screw without a head. These sticks protrude from either side. After freezing for 3 – 5 hours, with the caps placed on the molds, the ice has frozen securely around the plastic. (Your ice cubes are ready to use after running under hot water or letting thaw for 5 – 10 minutes.) The other end of the stick is screwed into the vibrator by grasping the cap. The overall tool looks something like a wand or sword.

When it comes to transmitting vibrations, ice does not seem to be the best material because it is so dense. I could feel it but pressing it against myself definitely muted the sensation. Nevertheless, the cold was intense. Almost too intense, even for me. I think a lot of people fear cold and, if you’re really not into it, this is definitely not for you, but they forget that our bodies are more sensitive when we’re cold. When you have goosebumps, sensations are that much more intense, right? Unfortunately, I found the Icegasm too cold for insertion but external play was more comfortable. The chill definitely made me more sensitive, and I remained so for quite some time.

On a note of safety, I know you’re not supposed to apply ice directly to skin or for more than 15 minutes in regards to pain so I would also not use this for a prolonged amount of time. However, there is no safety note on the instructions.

One thing I noticed is that I had so much fun playing with it in my hands, before on my genitals, that it was already quite melty. The drips of the cold water were more shocking than the actual cold solidity. With the ice end on top, the cat actually serves to “catch” the drips and can be dumped out. Of course, the melting makes is a wet activity so a towel or Liberator Throw or something would be appropriate.

Next time, I would also alternate with something room temperature or warm just to break up the intensity. So perhaps a glass dildo dipped in warm water or even warm breath (if only I had that right now!) would make it even more interesting and possibly make it more comfortable for longer play.

Ultimately, I didn’t experience any sort of Icegasm. I had fun with a novel idea. I would like to play with it again and add some heat. I think the properties of vibration were overstated; a pocket rocket really doesn’t give you great vibes but it didn’t detract from the overall play. Perhaps the concept of “ice dildos” would be something to explore more. Either way, I’m really excited to see what ice toys pop up next and while the Icegasm kit isn’t flashy or as pretty as some I think it’s mainly due to the concept of ice toys being in its infancy.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Sensual Curve

June 5th, 2009

Sensual Curve

Sensual Curve
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

All in all, the Sensual Curve was wholly forgettable which probably explains why, every time I sat down to write this review, I just couldn’t think of anything to say. I couldn’t remember if it led me to orgasm or even made me feel good. I couldn’t remember if the insertable portion stimulated my G-spot. I couldn’t remember if the vibrations were easily felt on all parts or even how I felt about the material.

So I had to force myself to give it another go ’round, hoping it would spark some memories. It did but, really, I don’t feel like I have much to say about this toy. I mean, like so many other dual stimulators, it fails as doing either very well but, for some reason, I just don’t feel like it’s a big loss.

So here’s what you need to know:

This dual stimulation vibrator is made of pink rubber (the colour it sort of strange; it looks faded) and is not waterproof. It definitely has that skunky, rubber smell and is stronger than some toys I’ve had but isn’t the worst. The vibrations stem from the bottom of the toy, which also acts as a bit of a handle but I find that annoying because my hand absorbs most of the vibrations. The vibrations are better felt in the clitoral stimulator, which looks like two short tentacles (and even has sucker like bumps on the inside) and curves slightly toward the body, than the smooth insertable portion which tapers and ends in a bulb (which exists to stimulate the G-spot, I imagine). This makes insertion extremely easy and only a little water-based lube was needed. The whole thing is run on 2 AA batteries and operates by dial control. While I usually don’t like dial controls because they’re either too touchy or not touchy enough, this one actually worked really well and because the dial is grooved, it’s also less slippery to use than others.

Unfortunately, the level of vibrations provided by this toy just weren’t mind blowing and I felt it best in my hand. Even on high, I thought this toy works better for teasing or warm up and I don’t do much of either so it might be better in the collection of something who likes lighter vibrations than I do. The rubber is stiffer than some other materials I’ve tried (silicone, jelly, TPR, TPE) and the clitoral stimulator doesn’t really vibrate loosely like a lot of clitoral attachments do on softer toys. The stiffness also felt a little uncomfortable or painful at times. Combine this with the fact that the prongs seemed to have a tendency to curve back toward my vag, and away from my clit during use (and since they’re stiff, I can’t really adjust them much), and the external part wasn’t that great.

Occasionally, the vibrations did hit a sweet spot internally but this wasn’t consistent, either. Sometimes the sex toy seemed to brush my G-spot but it wasn’t moving any mountains and it was difficult to maneuver, given the stiffness of the material, and have both places adequately stimulated. I also felt that the cord was unusually short at just under 22″ – even my crappy Venus Penus has a 3-” cord – and while it works okay for masturbation, partner use make find this problematic.

One of the things I really like to do with dual sitmulation toys is to grind against it and push it tightly against my pubic bone. Grinding was out because of the clitoral attachment but even when I tried, it jsut felt uncomfortable and too hard. I also couldn’t get enough pressure on my clit which is something I get from rabbit-style vibe with larger bullets. The shape of the little prongs just didn’t allow for pressure at all.

While the Sensual Curve may seem a steal at arond $20, it doesn’t do anything really well. The pourous, foul smelling rubber was too stiff. The vibrations were weak and misplaced. The toy didn’t find my G-spot consistently and the cord was freakishly short. Yet, you can bet I’m not done trying similar toys!

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Pink Pussy Pump

May 23rd, 2009

Pink Pussy Pump
$37.69 from Store.OfSexAndLove.com

Although I was initially a bit put off by the strange looks of the Pink Pussy Pump, I was soon pleasantly surprised by the unique sensations provided by an actually effective suction system.

At first, I was taken aback by the size of the suction cup. I was expecting something a little smaller, for focus on clitoral suction. Rather, the cup provides suction stimulation to the entire vulva – or pussy – region. Furthermore, the cup is made of a hard pink plastic, which did prove to get the job done, but also threw me off. The hard plastic seemed to be a bit institutional or medicinal – at least, as medicinal as pink plastic can be. There’s not much to the rest of the apparatus: just a springy hose and a rubber, bulb-shaped pump. Overall, this is not a sexy looking sex toy and that was disappointing to my sense of aesthetic. Luckily, a toy does not need to be sexy itself to work well.

The pussy pump, which comes in a fairly cute, 70s inspired pink and purple box, fits easily over my lips. I have to agree that it is ergonomically correct; the edges of the cup are slightly curved instead of flat. Although the cup isn’t exactly small, it was small enough to move higher or lower and I think it would be wearable during sex as long as it’s not too rough or the cup isn’t bumped. I was able to insert a rather large toy and thrust without dislodging the cup.

Suction-wise, I was impressed. The Pinky Pussy Pump provided much more suction than the last flimsy toy I tried. I applied it to a bare thigh first, just to experiment, and the suction on the first pump was amazing. The increase in successive pumps was also impressive, and the effect on my skin was visible. Applied to my vulva, I felt a satisfying pressure/tug on the general area, which, while including my clit, wasn’t focused on it.

At first, my squeezes on the bulb pump, which is textured and easy to grip, were rather large, but I was able to experiment a bit, and I could easily adjust the level of pressure in fairly small increments. If the pressure is too much, you need to take off the pump quickly or you’re simply done playing, there is an easy to use quick-release button between the hose and pump. I found the woosh of air to my pussy to feel really exciting. I wasn’t able to release the pressure in increments as small as I could increase it but, with focus, I could release pressure in several small increments.

While this sensation alone wasn’t enough to get me off. It was quite arousing and would be a nice companion during sex or masturbation. I think sex would work a little better because the cup did get in the way a bit with toy use. The toy also aims to increase the size of your lips but, honestly, I didn’t really notice. However, I wasn’t as concerned because it was pleasurable.

Despite the fact that the suction was impressive, it was fairly easy to break the seal by slipping a finger under one edge of simply pulling the cup off my skin (and, y’know, when my cat jumped on me LOL). Neither of these things hurt, either. It also didn’t tug on any of my hair but it’s fairly short right now (maybe 1/2″).

One of the features of the Pink Pussy Pump is that you can remove the hose and pump without loosing suction. I’m not sure why anyone would do this. I wasn’t eager to do jumping jacks or the dishes or anything so I don’t see the need. Still, I tried it out, and I was able to successfully remove the house where it connects via a metal fastener type thing. This is also how I disconnected the hose to wash the cup before and after use. Without the hose, the cup is simply an easy-to-clean, hard plastic piece.

I found the Pink Pussy Pump to be more stimulating than I thought it would be and can see it being used during partner or solo play. The stretchy hose was adequate length for me to use on myself and a partner could easily hold the reins as well, adding another aspect to your play. I would recommend this to anyone looking for suction in their sex lives.

17 Comments

Categories: Reviews

Venus Penis

May 16th, 2009

Venus Penis
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. You can buy this similar product, but I’m not sure why you’d want to.

Dear California Exotic Novelties,

Size matters. I’m not sure if you missed the memo or if you’re so sure of yourself that you think the rules don’t apply to you but they do. Let me repeat it: size matters. No, it’s not the only thing that matters. So do quality, forethought, creativity and function, all of which you utterly failed to bring to the table when you decided to make yet another pitiful “hands free” vibrator: the Venus Penis. I know that out of the hundreds or thousands of sex toys you will make, some of them are destined to succeed but is that good enough reason for the rest of them to be so horrid? In short, California Exotic, your toy sucks. You suck.

For starters – and let’s kick it off with the big one – I only chose the Venus Penis after having such a disappointing time with my first (and last, until now) strap on vibrator because it has a penis. At least, I thought it did. Your pictures and packaging make it seem mysteriously larger than it actually is. It almost looks like a nice, meaty cock will well defined head. What it actually is, is a finger which has mutated with the head of a cock. It might be a meaty finger, but it’s not much when it comes to insertion. If any of you have vaginas, stick your thumb in it. Wow! See what that does?

Absolutely nothing!

On the topic of size, I have a bone to pick with toy manufacturers who assume that the vagina, clit and anus are all within some 3″ diameter. They’re not. Really. Add an inch or 2 or, hell, even 4 for good measure and then the “erotic clitoral” stimulator and “superior anal” stimulator might reach their target. I mean, come on, can you really call something that doesn’t touch anything superior? I think not.

On a semi-related note, I guess you don’t like fleshy girls. My mons and labia are pretty prominent, which means if I even want clit stimulation, I have to push my lips aside and hold the toy against me. So much for hands-free, huh? Really, all you need to do is make the clit stimulator longer and soft enough so I can adjust it to where I need it.

And while we’re on the subject of inferiority (we are, aren’t we?), let’s talk about the material. Jelly? Really? It smells out of the box and, you’re lucky, because many folks won’t even touch the stuff anymore, but I’m not so picky. And, I’m not sure how you did it, but the jelly is actually rather stiff. The wings kept poking my poor thighs uncomfortably. What gives? (Haha! Nothing, because if the toy had give, it wouldn’t hurt). And the straps? Cheap elastic, which, while soft and shouldn’t hurt, began to chafe after a while.

So where were we? Creativity? Check – I mean, not really. I liked the idea of overall external stimulation combined with internal vibration so I think you tried to do something a little more original, here, but failed. That’s because you lack my next point:  forethought. I probably think more than most people and it doesn’t always do me any good but your lack of thought, period, does me no good. I mean why put the penis in the middle of the butterfly’s tummy when the toy is designed to sit forward, not really under you? This means the already-crappy penis is inserted at an awkward, yes even painful, angle. Maybe that’s why you made it so short? You knew we’d be feeling it but did you count on us saying “Ouch!”?

It also doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the thigh and waist strap set up just doesn’t work. The entire time I had this thing on (although I must commend you for making this wearable by a large variety of sizes), the toy pulled up and to the front instead of where I wanted it to sit, y’know, against my clit! I think that straps which mimic the shape of a bikini or even like a G-string would make more sense. Plus, the placement made sitting uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure the position the woman is, on the package, is the only feasible position and, even doing that, the anal stimulator kept stabbing at my perineum.

Furthermore, when is someone going to make detachable straps so we can toss them in the washer? Oh, wait, the customer would never know how to put them back on and it’s not our fault. It’s because the setup is ridiculously complicated (remember when I suggested you mimic a well-known set up like panties? That might come in handy, now). I mean, if we could take off the straps without fearing we’d never get them back on correctly, we might use the toy a lot more because cleaning would be so much easier.

Well, maybe. Except for the part where a wire comes out of the toy through a hole in the belly, near the front. I understand it needs to connect to the control pack somehow (standard, CE dial-style controls), but not only does it make cleaning harder than it should be (and you can certainly rule out waterproof capabilities) but it’s kind of weird for the wire to come out from between my lips.

What we’re left with here is function. I would expect strong vibes from a toy powered by 2AA batteries. This wasn’t really the case. However, I did find that I was left with a pleasant tingle and, with a lot of holding the toy and grinding against it, I did get off. Still, I have toys that can do this better, easier, and faster, like my Laya Spot, and if that was all I wanted from this toy, I wouldn’t have purchased it. I got absolutely nothing from the penis on this toy at best, when it wasn’t being painfully mediocre, literally.

You might be wondering now if there was anything I did like. Yes, I liked the colour of this. It’s a neat dark fuchsia. It’s just too bad the shape of the toy isn’t aesthetically appealing; otherwise, I might just consider not throwing it away.

Also, the awkward pose of the “model” on the packaging makes me smile. I mean, who wouldn’t? The fake breast groping and the forced smile are just so strange. I can’t help but laugh. Thanks for that, California Exotic Novelties, and not much else.

Sincerely,

Me

21 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.