Dame Pom

November 11th, 2024

Pom
$99 from Dame

Before I can get on with my review, I need to apologize to Dame. The company sent me this toy years ago, and I completely dropped the ball when it came to writing about it. That was unprofessional of me, and I need to do better.

But even though Pom is no longer new, it’s still worth talking about. That’s because some really thoughtful design decisions went into it. It’s obvious.

This is no white-label toy on Amazon. This is no stolen product design copied cheaply in a Chinese factory to make a quick buck. This vibrator, even though it won’t work perfectly for everyone, stands apart from the rest. It’s the type of product someone should be proud to put their name on–or associate with their face.

And that’s because Dame has quickly become one of the most reputable companies in the sex toy industry. I don’t need to hunt to find information that I can trust. Dame’s website clearly shows the trajectory of the company, which was founded by Alexandra Fine Janet Lieberman, and leveraged crowdfunding to get off the ground.

There’s a lot to like about Dame, just like there’s a lot to like about Pom.

So, let’s get down to it, starting with the strength.

Pom is waterproof.

Thanks to its magnetic charging connections. This is pretty common these days, even with cheaper toys, so Pom doesn’t stand out quite as much as, say, Fun Factory’s first magnetically-charging toys. But it’s nice.

Pom is quiet.

It’s not silent, but the lowest setting makes almost a barely-there hum. Would I use it in a dorm with a roommate? Nah. Would I use it behind closed doors, knowing something else was home? Sure!

Pom’s internal battery will hold a charge for literal years.

I know because I forgot about mine for that long.

Pom is covered in a layer of plush silicone.

It’s quite squishy, really, and it’s what put the flexibility in this flexible vibe. The silicone has a lot of give when you squeeze it, and you can bend the tip a bit. Some people may prefer a rigid toy, but plush silicone means I can grind it into my body without and discomfort. Not like I’ve ever done that before…

Pom is wider than most.

Many clitoral vibrators are narrower. They’re also usually horizontally and vertically symmetrical. Pom is wider at the base than the tip, which promotes comfort. The base sits perfect in my palm while my middle and index fingers slip around the narrower front.

Pom finds your clitoris.

Typically, I like clit stimulators with a large nub than Pom has, so I wasn’t expecting much. But the vibrator surprised me because it’s not so much the size of the bump but the shape. You see, it forms a vertical ridge that easily slips between your lips to target your clitoris. Mind blown.

And my favorite thing of all..

Pom has deep vibrations.

I mean, it’s no wand, but they’re surprisingly rumbly for such a small package. I was beginning to think that I had been out of the game for so long that I was misremembering clitoral stimulators with deep vibes. The ones I’ve tried recently, even wands, have been disappointing.

But Pom reminded me that depth is possible. And in my opinion? It’s non-negotiable.

These strengths aren’t without limitations, however.

That thick, plush silicone? Mine is now ~customized~ with cat chew marks. It’s exactly the type of material that attracts cats–and their fur. Alas. At least I have a purr-manent moment to remember my late kitty by.

It will also attract your fur. Consider yourself warned.

Pom’s width is accompanied by flatness. It’s closer to, say, Lily than Laya Spot. I wish it were wide and tall.

I’m also not super enthused with their buttons. Dame has placed the power button, which is inset, directly on top of the toy. Hold to turn on. This same button cycles through settings.

There are two more buttons on the bottom of the toy, essentially a plus and minus. The “plus” sticks out from the toy and increases strength. I find it a bit small and sometimes hard to find during use. On the other hand, the “minus” is flush with the dimple where the toys sit. It’s visually a bit confusing but more intuitive in use.

The problem with this “minus” button is that if you press the Pom to your body hard enough, you will turn down the strength. Talk about killing the vibes. (For those paying attention, it means holding the Pom fully against your body means you can’t access the plus button, either).

And I did it multiple times in one session. I still got off, but, man, that’s a bummer. I think it would actually be harder to do with a raised button like the other one because the pressing area seems so wide.

Similarly, I sometimes found myself accidentally pressing the top button while using it. This isn’t exactly Dame’s fault. I have almost also struggled to find a place to apply pressure with my fingers without hitting the buttons or making them inaccessible.

Ultimately, Pom’s flatness led to a lot of strain on my fingers, which are now sore as I type this review. Again, not their fault, but I do think there’s something that could be done.. if toy makers wanted to. Like a wider, more rounded top of the toy. Y’all know I liked the Tuyo.

With that said, I mostly forgive Pom its trespasses against me because the vibrations are so high quality. They just feel.. nice. good, even. Not tickly, not annoying, not frustrating.

And that makes me hopeful for the rest of Dame’s toys.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Heidi

November 8th, 2024

Heidi
$53.99 from HoneysX

Heidi, Heidi, Heidi. Where do I start with you?

In the realm of clit vibes, Heidi most reminds me of the BCurious, especially the premium version. I have only used the original Bcurious, which was rigid (and not satisfying), so I can’t compare Heidi to the newer (and since discontinued) premium model, which appears to be made from a softer silicone.

Heidi itself has a thick, softer layer of silicone on it. It’s not nearly as squishy as Dame’s Pom, but it’s nice. There’s give in the tip, and it can bend forward or backward.

The buttons are bubbly and large, easy to find. They audibly click when you press them.

But, you see, as soon as you press that power button, you’ll wish you didn’t.

I wish I hadn’t started with Heidi at all.

Because once it turns on, there’s a quick and loud vibration. It’s jarring. And it’s buzzy and shallow as hell.

And it doesn’t get any better.

I guess I should have known. The (terribly translated) description mentions “High frequency vibration drives.” We. don’t. want. that. in. our. sex. toys.

Honestly, I can’t tell if Heidi’s design is good because the vibrations are so buzzy that I couldn’t possibly enjoy it. Initially, they tickle annoying. It doesn’t take long before I can’t feel them at all. No bueno.

All of this while the toy fills the air with an unacceptably loud roar. I guess it’s not loud enough to hear through a closed door, but it feels like a freaking assault when it’s in your hand.

I had to give up on Heidi. It was almost torture to use it. It offends the senses. No waterproofing, no soft silicone, no pretty mint green, no rechargeable battery, and no poetic metaphors will make it better.

High frequency vibration drives the body to work, impacts the soft inner wall, and the tremor C point attracts the clouds and tides to achieve a unique experience.

The secret comes from the strong frequency vibration. Different experiences also need a strong core to provide continuous motivation. For many girls, not having enough fun is downfall. It takes a lot of effort from the inside to the outside to please women.

After 365 days of experiments, we have finally developed a lovely dolphin with smooth curve. Time we roam together, love let you release at this moment. To a mutual tease, such as glue two people in the world.

Tonight, I just want you, in the twilight, in the halo of glass, in the mountain language and waves, with Heidi to explore and lead us to release our nostalgia for the spring breeze.

I’m sorry, Heidi, but I don’t want you. Not tonight, not ever. Not to roam or stay in one place. And there certainly won’t be any release.

You couldn’t pay me the $54 price tag to use it again.

P.S. – Don’t call us “girls.”

P.P.S. – What the hell is the weird symbol on the side?

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Categories: Reviews

Touch your partner online with KIIROO

Funzze Finger Vibe

October 19th, 2024

Funzze Finger Vibe
$29.99 from Funzze

My first impressions of the Finger Vibe came when I saw the box. It was small. Really small. Surely I hadn’t been looking at something that small, had I? But I was. Apparently, I wasn’t looking that closely.

My second impression was that the dark blue-green of the Finger Vibe in matte silicone is gorgeous. I don’t think I’ve ever owned a toy in this specific shade. There’s also a shiny heart shape that, as far as I can tell, exists only to be pretty and make this toy difficult to photograph lol. Overall, the entire design is pleasing to look at, and I think it is easily one of Funzze’s most attractive toys.

But how does it perform?

The Finger Vibe fits easily between two fingers thanks to the contoured “wings.” Unlike the Mini Marvels line, which had painfully small and rigid finger slots, these are flexible, so they will fit a variety of fingers. They fit well over mine, and I can hold the vibe up without even pinching the center of the wings with my fingers. There’s a potential that the wings won’t offer coverage for someone with really big fingers, but you can still pinch the center to hold it.

The gentle curve naturally fits within your fingers, allowing you to position it wherever you’d like and move it naturally like you’d move your fingers. I think the size probably helps here– less than 3 inches long and only 1.3 inches wide. Ideally, this means placing the bulbous bottom over your clitoris (or other sensitive spot). I really appreciate how far this protrudes because clitoral stimulators that are too flat on the bottom almost universally fail at stimulating the clitoris!

The biggest drawback of the Funzze Finger Vibe might be the small size. While that bulb offers clitoral stimulation and the wings keep it in place between your fingers, the small size requires a small motor. And the vibrations of this toy are rather weak and buzzy, the type that you know will only be less impressive as you increase them. They’re barely there, honestly, especially after using it for a while. The additional vibration patterns offer little because of this. However, if you’re more sensitive to vibrations, you might not mind, but anyone who needs depth and power should look elsewhere.

The size ultimately fails to provide the pressure I need and prefer to get off. If you like to simply hold vibrators against your body, it might work for you–if the weaker, buzzier vibrations aren’t an issue. But a larger toy is better for relieving discomfort on the fingers when you need pressure, as I do. In fact, if this toy was closer to the size of a full hand–something closer to the Playboy Palm, perhaps–it would be far more comfortable to use. As it stands, my fingers became incredibly sore and cramped while trying to achieve the pressure I needed, and there was no payoff to show for it.

You could potentially use it to stimulate a penis by using a healthy dollop of lube, which is necessary for movement because the silicone has a fair bit of drag, and running the toy along the shaft on one side and using your thumb on the other side. Or you could hold it against the base of a penis while you go down on it. Either way, the small size and finger holders that allow you to use your hand naturally could work for this.

The small size might work for people who want to use this during partnered sex. Holding the toy won’t take up much more room than using your fingers alone. Plus, the soft wings will press down under pressure, and I think you could comfortably place this vibrator between your bodies as long as your entire weight isn’t pressing down on your partner’s body. However, I haven’t tried this.

I wouldn’t call it whisper quiet, either. There’s a whistle/whine on all but the lowest setting. Add some white noise or music, and you could get away with using it while someone’s in the other room through a closed door. But there are stronger and quieter clitoral vibrators out there.

One of the biggest cons of this toy is the single button. There’s just not a lot of room for buttons, so I understand the choice not to use more than one. Yet, I cannot forgive the placement choice. Putting it toward the front/nose of the toy doesn’t give you the leverage to press the button while your fingers are under the wings, so I find myself having to remove my fingers and stop using the toy to push the button. This is a great opportunity to place the button on the side where your thumb could press it or to employ some sort of pressure mechanism instead. Pressing the toy harder to your body would increase the vibrations. That would solve the issue of pressure!

When pushing the button, there’s an audible click, which I appreciate. However, the button slightly recesses into the toy when pushed, which could be an issue for those with long nails or large fingers. I think most buttons would be better raised from the toy to make them easier to use for everyone. But this is far from the worst physical button function I’ve ever used. On the other hand, the single button means you need to cycle through the nine modes every time. I’ve found this is the case with all the Funzze toys I’ve tried. If you want to get back to a setting, you need to go through all the vibration settings, and sometimes, turning it off to start from the base setting is faster! Frustrating.

On the opposite end of the toy from the button, are two magnetic contact points for the charger, similar to Fun Factory’s chargers. Thanks to this, it’s completely waterproof. However, I can’t imagine that you’d want to use it in the shower because the water hitting your body would compete with the weaker vibrations. But you can easily clean the Finger Vibe with soap and water without having to protect any ports. Once clean, Funzze includes a silky storage pouch for your Finger Vibe. That pouch can then go in your nightstand, sock drawer, or maybe even in your bedframe or between your mattress and box spring! It would also be a great option for travel because it’s so small and light.

Funzze includes a USB charging cable that requires an adapter or USB port to charge. It’s fairly short, around two feet. I think most of us would want something longer. The light around the button blinks while charging, and although it’s a pretty green, I didn’t even notice it during use.

The last thing included with the vibrator is a single page of instructions, which is fairly easy to miss, lose, or toss. It almost feels like an afterthought. I didn’t even look at it before trying the Finger Vibe and have since misplaced it, so I’m unsure about the time it takes to fully charge the toy or how long the toy will work while fully charged. These are often just guesses that aren’t super close in practice, so I’m not super concerned. This vibrator comes charged, anyway.

Where does this leave us? Unfortunately, with a gorgeous and affordable vibrator that does some things really well but mostly failed to impress me. At $30, it’s not the end of the world if you try it and don’t like it, but I’d rather push people toward more expensive items that perform better.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Why Do I Keep Breaking Vibrators? (a review of the Febos Wand)

August 7th, 2024

Febos
$81.99 from Honey Play Box

It happened with my very first rabbit.

And, now, I can add the Febos by Honey Play Box to the list.

Which is a shame because I enjoyed the silicone’s velvety texture on the handle and head. The quieter motor was an upgrade to the massager I use most frequently. Or the Hitachi. You could use it with someone in the other room. The product description says it’s around 50db (and I do love that they include that info!), which Google assures me is about the hum of a “quiet refrigerator.” Do with that what you will.

It certainly looks nicer with its grey and silver color scheme. It’s modern and perhaps minimalistic. But it doesn’t need to look fancy. For that, Honey Play Box offers Stormi, which comes with gold details and its own magnetic charging case.

The flexible neck is also a necessity. And all of this on a rechargeable battery that never lost power despite me not charging it out of the box (I didn’t get a chance to charge it before I broke it)?

Yeah, it was looking promising.

I used it a time or two with fairly positive results. I enjoyed the flexibility of the neck, which is a must with a straight handle like this. I’ve really been spoiled with the Miracle Massager, I guess. That’s ultimately how I broke Febos. But I prefer a flatter head like I’m used to. Most heads are round, however, and at least it’s not weirdly spongey like the Magic Wand Original.

I also got to experiment with a wand with more than just “high” and “low” settings. Febos has four other pulsation and escalation settings. The fast pulsation feels especially nice due to the depth and strength of the vibrations. Each setting is also available in three speeds. Some people might want something weaker or stronger than it offers, but unless you know you need the extremes, this wand will likely cover your needs.

I see two complaints that some people might have:

  • There are no attachments for Febos, even though the company offers some for their other wands.
  • It’s rather bulky and heavy at just under 12 inches long (Stormi and Pomi are both smaller and lighter, if that’s a concern).

Those critiques might not matter if you like the power of this massager. It’s also got one big selling point: unlike most other wands I’ve used (I guess save for Lelo’s Smartwand), this one is waterproof. That’s only possible thanks to the cordless design. Truthfully, it may be

But I’m not much for playing in the shower, so I kept it boring and only used it in bed.

So how did I break it? I was pressing the head against my body and pulling the handle away from it, which put too much pressure on the neck and head. I feel something give.. just a little. Then I heard it crack. Now it turns on, but it can’t vibrate fully. It almost sounds like something is just out of place.

It’s what happened with the Rabbit Habit (but I liked it enough to buy another), and the Symphony G-Harmony. In fact, I didn’t even remember breaking the second one until rereading my review. But it’s all because of the same desire to get pressure. (Technically, one of my Icicles glass dildos also broke but that was an accident and likely due to poor design, not my pubic bone.) At least it’s been over a decade since I last broke a toy!

Honestly, this is such a me problem that I can’t even hold it against the toy. And Honey Play Box has a 100-day risk-free guarantee. If you don’t love a toy or if it doesn’t work right, they’ll refund you.

Currently, Febos is less than $60 with coupon code OFSEXANDLOVE or just bny using my link, which, honestly, seems like a steal. And it’s enough to get you free shipping. Otherwise, you’ll pay $81.99 fullprice, which is still pretty competitive.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Make love to your long distance lover online

JIL Olivia Vibrator

April 15th, 2019

JIL Olivia Vibrator
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Did you ever know one of those people whose personality was a sponge? They soaked up those around them. But when you remove that person from a group and get them alone, you find that they’re lacking in personality. They try so hard to please that you’re not sure who they are. Without a person or group to mimic, they’re bland.

Even worse, you wonder if you ever really knew them at all. You feel deceived.

It’s this way with Olivia, which tries to do so many things but never really manages to do any of them well. Perhaps I should know better. Almost every single toy I’ve used that wanted to be versatile has failed me.

Remember the bendable, twistable vibrator? No one would blame you if you didn’t. You might recall how much I disliked the Gvibe 2, which was advertised to work in 8 different ways but really only kinda-sorta achieved one.

I guess it comes down to this: I want my sex toys to do one thing really well.

If I can find some second use for the toy, that’s fantastic. Many internal vibes can work for clitoral stimulation.

Truth be told, I feel the same about most of my devices. I prefer an e-reader to a tablet because it’s set up to do one thing and do it well.

Olivia doesn’t do any one thing that well. The shape and curve of the shaft suggest that G-spot stimulation is ideal, but the thin, flexible neck means you can’t get the pressure you might like or thrust with any intensity.

It also means a lack of pressure when it comes to clitoral stimulation.

This vibrator just feels awkward in my hand, too. The neck is sooo flexible that the head flops around heavily. I always underestimate what companies mean when they advertise something as flexible, but this is also a case of the manufacturer overestimating how much flexibility a person would ever need. It makes the toy feel impossible to control once inserted it. You really can’t get a lot of precision with Olivia because it’ll bend any which way.

But it’s partially my fault, you know? Because I see words like “flexible,” and I think this toy does so much and sign myself right up. I should know better by now. Similarly, I should had realized that deep raspberry pink color was too good to be true. It’s a brighter, more run-of-the-mill pink in person.

I’m also flummoxed at the size of this, especially when compared with how flexible it is. There are plenty of reasons why a person might want a shorter toy or even one with a more narrow shaft, but those all seem negated by the flexibility. My fingers inch up the shaft in an attempt to gain some semblance of control, reducing the insertable length.

Although it doesn’t look like that extreme, it feels like Olivia’s shaft narrows suddenly after the head, so only the head provides much stimulation. The rest is too narrow or perhaps lacking in texture to do much at all. This would be fine if Olivia was a good G-spotter (I find those straight and narrow G-spot wands a bit boring but effective), but it’s not. But toys can have a wider shaft and still effectively hit the G-spot.

In terms of motor, Olivia is buzzier and louder than I’d like. There’s that “hollow” sound that some vibrators make (many Fun Factory toys used to) that suggests there needs to be more insulation around the motor. The wider base means your hand won’t buzz right off, however. Actually, I really enjoy the shape of the base for holding, and the single button is placed well to be used via thumb (it also lights up). I dislike the controls on most insertable vibes.

Aside from the three steady modes, there are a few pulsation and escalation modes. Some of these are terribly buzzy, and a few just seem like buzzier and/or weaker steady vibration modes. I am not sure why they’re included. Were the shape designed for my body, I would be fine with the steady vibes. Olivia wouldn’t be my favorite, but it would get the job done.

There’s probably someone out there who wants a toy that’s super flexible, can be inserted less than 5 inches, has a maximum diameter of under 1 1/2 inches, and provides middle-of-the-road vibrations. It’s not me, though. Olivia just fails at being enough for me. It’s not long enough, strong enough, firm enough, wide enough.

If I didn’t have to write about Olivia, I’d likely shove it in the back of a drawer and forget all about it. And that’s no vote of confidence.

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Categories: Vibrators

JeJoue Mimi Soft

February 12th, 2019

JeJoue Mimi Soft
$99 from SheVibe

Seven years ago, I reviewed the original Mimi in a short, lackluster (both in my writing skill and my opinion of the toy) review. The truth was, I always suspected my original Mimi was defective because people loved it. I mean, almost every review was a rave one, and people discussed the strength of the vibrations favorably. I thought little of mine, and while I didn’t really discuss it in my review, I was also underwhelmed with the buttons, which were tiny and difficult to press. You might remember this being an issue with the G-Ki, another JeJoue toy. I also noted that the motor was loud and whiny, another turnoff.

I wound up trading both toys away. I have no idea who has them, but I recall sending away the Mimi with the warning that it may very well be defective. Sorry if you’re the person who wound up with it and if it was.

So, you’re probably wondering why I would try the sophomore version of this vibrator. And the answer, as always, is curiosity. In the past six months, I’ve tried revamped efforts of vibrators by We-Vibe and Fun Factory, so why not this one?

And perhaps I am just a bit of a masochist in this (and other) ways.

But the curiosity has me in its grips, just like this arctic blast. I’ve been wondering if my original Mimi was defective for so long that I just had to give this one a try.

I avoided calling Mimi Soft the “new” version because it’s not, really. JeJoue released it years ago. There have been plenty of reviews. I am late to the game. But I hope that my review will shed a little insight.

Mimi and Mimi Soft look pretty similar. They’re like pebbles that fit in your hand and quite remind me of JeJoue’s Pebble attachment, which I bought and promptly avoided reviewing due to my disappointment. I described the various ways this shape might be helpful in my original Mimi review, but for my purposes, I want to use it against the side of my clit with the toy perpendicular to my body.

For whatever reason, I thought the original was rather triangular. Perhaps it was. Perhaps I was just wrong. The Mimi Soft is definitely rounded, and the soft silicone exterior only adds to this impression. The tip is quite rounded and can easily be depressed with a finger or in use, of course.

I enjoy plush toys like this for clitoral use because I like so much pressure. I really grind the toy against my body and hold it tightly. A bit of plushness means I can apply pressure without worrying about cutting myself but also relieves a bit of stress from my fingers. While the Mimi Soft isn’t nearly as plush as the We-Vibe Wish (and it’s most plush near the tip and not where you’d hold it), this still makes it much more comfortable to hold than the original, which was hard-coated in plastic.

The plushness also lends itself to increasingly firmer use. As I get closer to orgasm, I can push until there’s no more give.

Mimi Soft has buttons similar to the original, which means they’re located on the end, work as the charging connections, are small and sit nearly flush with the toy.  They’re surrounded by a layer of smooth plastic that snugly fits around the buttons. This makes them difficult to press. If you have larger fingers or longer nails, it’s a bit frustrating. I prefer a button that’s more offset from the toy and a bit plush itself. During use, my fingers struggle to find them, and the tiny symbols, and I certainly can barely differentiate between them. Fortunately, the – button is engraved while the + button is embossed, which makes it a bit easier. Still, if your fingers are covered in lube or you’re a bit distracted, the buttons will be frustrating.

These buttons turn the toy on and increase vibrations or power off and decrease, respectively. There’s a third button that cycles through the settings. The design is a no-brainer as long as you know which button you’re pressing. Both Mimi and Mimi Soft have 5 vibration levels, and you can navigate between the 7 pulsation settings with the center button.

I can still remember the feelings that encompassed me with the first Mimi. Paired with the confusion over everyone else’s enjoyment, it was a bitter cocktail. Fortunately, the Mimi soft is more enjoyable. The vibrations, especially the lower 3 settings, seem quite rumbly for the size of this toy. There’s an enjoyable pitter-patter that you can hear when it’s on. The vibrations are nice but not mindblowing.

Any experienced toy user will be unsurprised that the vibrations become buzzier as intensity increases, but the Mimi Soft keeps this to a minimum. Yes, the highest level tickles my hand a bit, but it’s much less buzzy than the highest level Siri 2, for example. And while Siri 2 seems a bit stronger, it also tickles my hand much more uncomfortably while in use. I find the strength of Mimi Soft on the fourth level good enough to get me off and can skip the buzziest, higher level. However, the depth of the vibrations on the lower settings produces some respectable pulsations if you’re into that sort of thing.

Don’t get me wrong, however. The real strength of the Mimi soft lies in its shape and softness. The narrow edge allows for more pinpoint pressure. I don’t so much use the tip as I do the side of the Mimi Soft. although, the tip would provide even more pinpoint stimulation that’s easily under your control.

Another improvement from the original Mimi is the lack of whining motor. The Mimi Soft is a bit loud for its size but not so much that I’d worry about someone hearing it in another room through a closed door, especially if pressed against your body under the covers or with other background noise. Since I’m comparing it with the Siri 2, I have to note that Mimi Soft is the louder of the two by a bit.

All things considered, I’d reach for Mimi Soft over similar toys when I wanted deeper vibrations. I may enjoy it more than my Siris because of the plush angle the side presents. However, it’s thin enough to bother my fingers for marathon sessions, so I’d rather use something larger/rounder if I plan to get off more than a couple of times.

There are many people to whom I would recommend the Mimi Soft as long as their requirements don’t involve penetration or massive amounts of power and assuming the motors of the Mimi and Mimi Soft are the same, I can rest assured that my first was a dud, and I was initially misled.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

We-Vibe Wish

December 30th, 2018

We-Vibe Wish
$129.99 from Tabutoys

Honestly?

I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so conflicted about a sex toy.

There have been toys that I wanted to love and didn’t.

But this? I don’t even know, you guys.

I didn’t expect to like it. But the thing is? I almost love it. It’s so close.

If We-Vibe’s Wish clitoral vibrator were a movie, it would be Batman Vs. Superman. It’s not universally liked, but I saw glimpses of genius that, if allowed to come to fruition, would have made it a masterpiece.

I feel strongly enough that I would fight you just to make sure you acknowledge that, yes, there are some amazing aspects to this creation.

But I know that it falls short, that the criticism makes sense. But this vibrator has touched me somewhere besides my clitoris. It has a hold on me that I cannot deny.

So let’s jump right on. The Wish is a bold blue external vibrator that looks something like an asymmetrical stone. It’s larger than you might think from photos alone (4 inches long and almost 3 wide), especially if you have no banana for comparison. While it curves, ostensibly to fit in your hand, it’s definitely a little too big to be described as palm-sized.

I find the larger size is easier on my fingers than, say, the Pebble or Lelo’s Lily or any of those actually-stone-sized vibrators.

It has variable height (more than an inch thick in most places) and width along with a tapered tip. It’s coated in a pillow of silicone that makes it soft to the touch and further eases strain on my fingers. But the rigid skeleton is ungiving. I can get the pressure I need without any pain.

During use, I find myself lifting the back end a bit to rub the tip quickly back-and-forth. The control button is on the “butt'” of the toy, an ideal location for thumb usage in my opinion. I don’t actually like when buttons are on top of toys because that’s where I push with my fingers for pressure.

When it comes to vibrations? I was impressed. They’re pleasantly rumbly and deep. They’re broad. This is thanks to the two motors. I am sure anyone who loves the Tango might be intrigued by the Wish because of this. More on that later.

We-Vibe even describes this vibrator as similar to a wand.

Except it’s not.

A wand usually has steady settings over which you have control. That is not the case with the Wish.

You get nice and warmed up, you’re having a good time, and then.. the vibrations change.

It’s no longer a steady vibration; it’s a pulsation.

You haven’t changed anything, however. It seems like the first three settings are steady vibrations, but then it switches up to a pulse randomly.

You can try to coerce an orgasm out if it’s not ruined by the changeup. But that may not always be possible. You may be back at square one because the vibrator randomly decided to change what it was doing.

Now, I know that my readers will want me to compare this with the Tango or Touch. The Tango offers much more pinpoint stimulation. The Wish has a better shape than the Touch for me (I bought one from Babeland in Seattle and regret trying it.. again). The vibrations of the Wish are significantly deeper and stronger than either of those due to the twin motors.

But there’s another potential issue with this as reported by Epiphora: the dual motors sometimes result in a glitch that may not be noticeable by everyone. The motors may stop vibrating in unison.

I say this because I didn’t necessarily notice in use. So I sat the toy on the sofa next to me as I wrote my review and..

What. the. actual. fuck.

After a few minutes, I heard/felt the vibrations become out of sync. The Wish becomes much louder. And then it started crackling?

This lasted only a brief moment before it goes back to normal. The glitch feels like an odd trill and, you know what? I kinda like it. But that crackling? That would be ridiculously alarming during use.

And the Wish isn’t that quiet, to begin with.

My experiences with the Wish thus far have been.. polarizing to say the least. The first time, I coerced out an orgasm after a surprisingly-long amount of time. I tossed the vibrator on my dresser in frustration.

The second time I used it could not have been more different. For whatever reason, that pulsation didn’t kick in right away. It happened only once as I was well on my way to getting off, and it didn’t happen again. I was able to cum easily a second time because it didn’t take long, and the toy stayed at steady vibrations the entire time.

Basically, there’s no way to know when the vibrations will start to pulse and if that will be a help or hindrance to your pleasure.

What are you thinking, We-Vibe? Why would you do this to us? What do we ever do to you to deserve this?!

The company tries to explain how this is a good thing by lauding their “PowerPulse” technology. Yet, I am not alone when I say that this is frustrating. And I seem to have had a better experience than many.

On top of the frustrating PowerPulse settings, the other settings just seem kind of useless.

WeWibe Wish modes

Those first three settings just look frustrating, don’t they?

I’m also hesitant about the single button. If this only had the three PowerPulse settings, that wouldn’t be a huge deal. But with 10 settings, that’s a lot of button pushing. And the button on Wish isn’t exactly user-friendly.

I mean, it seems like it should be. It looks pronounced enough, all right. But it’s actually stiffer than it appears and you have to press it in exactly the right location to get it to work.

I found myself surprised to be fumbling over this button. I can usually call which buttons will be problematic. I did not expect this one to be.

You may also want to know that to actually turn the toy off, you need to cycle through all of the settings. Otherwise, holding it for two seconds pauses it on the last-used setting. It’s more like pause than turning it off. This might be useful if the toy didn’t blink while it was de-activated.

I don’t want to use up battery for a useless light, and blinking lights in my home annoy the shit out of me.

And, okay, it works with the app. Not that you need an app if your sex toy only has one mode I’ll ever use, and it’s a disappointment at that.

I think all my readers know that I don’t want to mess around with that, though. When I’m masturbating, I want a hand on myself, my partner, my toy — not my phone. The very idea grosses me out, to be honest. One of those things is a breeding ground for germs.

So I didn’t even try it.

Yes, this vibrator is waterproof. But I have to like a toy to want to bring it into the shower or bath with me. And you need fairly strong vibrations to overpower the sensation of the water.

I… just.. ugh.

So what do I want from We-Vibe? I pretty much want a Wish II that’s nearly identical save for replacing the PowerPulse with steady vibration. Maybe simply let the user activate PowerPulse with the button should they choose to. Fun Factory has some toys with a dedicated boost button, and I don’t see why this wouldn’t work here. Perhaps add steady vibration (I’d be okay with a single mode as long as it were the highest strength) to the list of modes.

But if We-Vibe added any settings, they should add a second button to make it easier to cycle through them.

I have to tell you, though, if We-Vibe released the Wish with a few settings that I actually want, I’d be okay with the finicky button. I’d power through it, and that toy might become my new favorite because I absolutely love the strength and depth of the vibrations, the large size for a clitoral toy, the tapered tip, and curved shape, and the plush silicone that surrounds the toy.

It should be clear by now that I am torn over the Wish. Will I keep it and use it? Yes. I expect I’ll have many orgasms with it, and plenty will be fantastic.

But there’s a reason so many sentences, including this one, start with a “but.” It’s inconsistent. I also expect I will have some frustrating masturbation sessions, perhaps some ruined or miserable orgasms.

I’m basically describing an abusive relationship with a sex toy, and no one wants that.

My please to We-Vibe is this: you know what I want. Now give me the option to give you money for it. Please?

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

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