We-Vibe Wish

December 30th, 2018

We-Vibe Wish
$129.99 from Tabutoys

Honestly?

I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so conflicted about a sex toy.

There have been toys that I wanted to love and didn’t.

But this? I don’t even know, you guys.

I didn’t expect to like it. But the thing is? I almost love it. It’s so close.

If We-Vibe’s Wish clitoral vibrator were a movie, it would be Batman Vs. Superman. It’s not universally liked, but I saw glimpses of genius that, if allowed to come to fruition, would have made it a masterpiece.

I feel strongly enough that I would fight you just to make sure you acknowledge that, yes, there are some amazing aspects to this creation.

But I know that it falls short, that the criticism makes sense. But this vibrator has touched me somewhere besides my clitoris. It has a hold on me that I cannot deny.

So let’s jump right on. The Wish is a bold blue external vibrator that looks something like an asymmetrical stone. It’s larger than you might think from photos alone (4 inches long and almost 3 wide), especially if you have no banana for comparison. While it curves, ostensibly to fit in your hand, it’s definitely a little too big to be described as palm-sized.

I find the larger size is easier on my fingers than, say, the Pebble or Lelo’s Lily or any of those actually-stone-sized vibrators.

It has variable height (more than an inch thick in most places) and width along with a tapered tip. It’s coated in a pillow of silicone that makes it soft to the touch and further eases strain on my fingers. But the rigid skeleton is ungiving. I can get the pressure I need without any pain.

During use, I find myself lifting the back end a bit to rub the tip quickly back-and-forth. The control button is on the “butt'” of the toy, an ideal location for thumb usage in my opinion. I don’t actually like when buttons are on top of toys because that’s where I push with my fingers for pressure.

When it comes to vibrations? I was impressed. They’re pleasantly rumbly and deep. They’re broad. This is thanks to the two motors. I am sure anyone who loves the Tango might be intrigued by the Wish because of this. More on that later.

We-Vibe even describes this vibrator as similar to a wand.

Except it’s not.

A wand usually has steady settings over which you have control. That is not the case with the Wish.

You get nice and warmed up, you’re having a good time, and then.. the vibrations change.

It’s no longer a steady vibration; it’s a pulsation.

You haven’t changed anything, however. It seems like the first three settings are steady vibrations, but then it switches up to a pulse randomly.

You can try to coerce an orgasm out if it’s not ruined by the changeup. But that may not always be possible. You may be back at square one because the vibrator randomly decided to change what it was doing.

Now, I know that my readers will want me to compare this with the Tango or Touch. The Tango offers much more pinpoint stimulation. The Wish has a better shape than the Touch for me (I bought one from Babeland in Seattle and regret trying it.. again). The vibrations of the Wish are significantly deeper and stronger than either of those due to the twin motors.

But there’s another potential issue with this as reported by Epiphora: the dual motors sometimes result in a glitch that may not be noticeable by everyone. The motors may stop vibrating in unison.

I say this because I didn’t necessarily notice in use. So I sat the toy on the sofa next to me as I wrote my review and..

What. the. actual. fuck.

After a few minutes, I heard/felt the vibrations become out of sync. The Wish becomes much louder. And then it started crackling?

This lasted only a brief moment before it goes back to normal. The glitch feels like an odd trill and, you know what? I kinda like it. But that crackling? That would be ridiculously alarming during use.

And the Wish isn’t that quiet, to begin with.

My experiences with the Wish thus far have been.. polarizing to say the least. The first time, I coerced out an orgasm after a surprisingly-long amount of time. I tossed the vibrator on my dresser in frustration.

The second time I used it could not have been more different. For whatever reason, that pulsation didn’t kick in right away. It happened only once as I was well on my way to getting off, and it didn’t happen again. I was able to cum easily a second time because it didn’t take long, and the toy stayed at steady vibrations the entire time.

Basically, there’s no way to know when the vibrations will start to pulse and if that will be a help or hindrance to your pleasure.

What are you thinking, We-Vibe? Why would you do this to us? What do we ever do to you to deserve this?!

The company tries to explain how this is a good thing by lauding their “PowerPulse” technology. Yet, I am not alone when I say that this is frustrating. And I seem to have had a better experience than many.

On top of the frustrating PowerPulse settings, the other settings just seem kind of useless.

WeWibe Wish modes

Those first three settings just look frustrating, don’t they?

I’m also hesitant about the single button. If this only had the three PowerPulse settings, that wouldn’t be a huge deal. But with 10 settings, that’s a lot of button pushing. And the button on Wish isn’t exactly user-friendly.

I mean, it seems like it should be. It looks pronounced enough, all right. But it’s actually stiffer than it appears and you have to press it in exactly the right location to get it to work.

I found myself surprised to be fumbling over this button. I can usually call which buttons will be problematic. I did not expect this one to be.

You may also want to know that to actually turn the toy off, you need to cycle through all of the settings. Otherwise, holding it for two seconds pauses it on the last-used setting. It’s more like pause than turning it off. This might be useful if the toy didn’t blink while it was de-activated.

I don’t want to use up battery for a useless light, and blinking lights in my home annoy the shit out of me.

And, okay, it works with the app. Not that you need an app if your sex toy only has one mode I’ll ever use, and it’s a disappointment at that.

I think all my readers know that I don’t want to mess around with that, though. When I’m masturbating, I want a hand on myself, my partner, my toy — not my phone. The very idea grosses me out, to be honest. One of those things is a breeding ground for germs.

So I didn’t even try it.

Yes, this vibrator is waterproof. But I have to like a toy to want to bring it into the shower or bath with me. And you need fairly strong vibrations to overpower the sensation of the water.

I… just.. ugh.

So what do I want from We-Vibe? I pretty much want a Wish II that’s nearly identical save for replacing the PowerPulse with steady vibration. Maybe simply let the user activate PowerPulse with the button should they choose to. Fun Factory has some toys with a dedicated boost button, and I don’t see why this wouldn’t work here. Perhaps add steady vibration (I’d be okay with a single mode as long as it were the highest strength) to the list of modes.

But if We-Vibe added any settings, they should add a second button to make it easier to cycle through them.

I have to tell you, though, if We-Vibe released the Wish with a few settings that I actually want, I’d be okay with the finicky button. I’d power through it, and that toy might become my new favorite because I absolutely love the strength and depth of the vibrations, the large size for a clitoral toy, the tapered tip, and curved shape, and the plush silicone that surrounds the toy.

It should be clear by now that I am torn over the Wish. Will I keep it and use it? Yes. I expect I’ll have many orgasms with it, and plenty will be fantastic.

But there’s a reason so many sentences, including this one, start with a “but.” It’s inconsistent. I also expect I will have some frustrating masturbation sessions, perhaps some ruined or miserable orgasms.

I’m basically describing an abusive relationship with a sex toy, and no one wants that.

My please to We-Vibe is this: you know what I want. Now give me the option to give you money for it. Please?

3 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

FemmeFunn Diamond Wand Vibrator

December 9th, 2018

Femmefunn Diamond Wand
65.00 from Peepshow Toys

The FemmeFunn Diamond Wand Vibrator is not the vibrator you reach for when you want to feel full, stretched impossibly. This vibrator won’t give you the satisfaction of overcoming a seemingly impossible obstacle.

Nor is the Diamond Wand the toy you want for intense textural stimulation, even though the diamond texture is visible on the shaft.

And if you want firm clitoral pressure while using this vibrator externally, you’ll likely be disappointed with it.

This isn’t a toy that’s long enough to use for A-spot stimulation (there are 6 insertable inches, but you’re going to have to sacrifice some of this if you want to actually hold the toy), and I cannot recommend it for safe anal play.

The Diamond Wand wasn’t made for precise movement, either.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. This isn’t a high note to start a review on, and you’d be correct in that thinking. However, it’s my way of explaining that while the FemmeFunn Diamond Wand might not good at everything, it could be good at something.

I realize this is a departure for my usual review style. It’s not that I want a toy that’s capable of stimulating my G-spot, clitoris, nipples, perineum, or ass whenever I choose. I know that sometimes trying to do too much leads to a toy’s downfall, much like GVibe 2, but I also look for a toy to have the capacity to work in multiple ways in case I don’t love using it in a specific way, perhaps the most obvious use of the toy.

This brings me to the FemmeFunn Diamond Wand, At first use, it was underwhelming. While the toy has a contoured head, there’s no curve to the shaft. The shaft, while flexible, is too narrow to warrant a second thought. And while I anticipated feeling something from the texture of the toy, I just didn’t.

One upside is that the vibrations were reasonably strong and not overly buzzy.

To be honest, I put the FemmeFunn Diamond Wand away for months before I picked it up again. It was just one of those toys that had let me down upon my first experience, and I wasn’t thrilled to try it again.

I am one of the people for whom first impressions matter a lot. If I don’t like a toy off the bat, I will probably never like it. That’s just how it goes.

So imagine my surprise when I finally picked up the Diamond Wand again and felt my mind change little by little.

The first thing I realized was that the tapered head of the vibrator was ideal for the first time I’d been interested in penetration in months. It was easy and comfortable. A point for the Diamond Wand.

And while the narrow, flexible shaft may not have been great for pressure or precise moments, I could bend the toy enough for G-spot stimulation. There’s enough resistance that I cannot call it “floppy.” And it works.

I even forgave this vibrator for not being thrustable because I tend to stroke my G-spot more slowly. Being able to bend the shaft provided me enough G-spot stimulation to squirt with ease — and a surprising amount of force.

This vibrator is surprisingly powerful for its large size, and the lowest setting isn’t entirely buzzy. Unfortunately, the buzz increases almost exponentially as you increase press the single button on the base to cycle through the three steady vibration modes.

If you can get over the buzz, the pulsations are backed by impressive oomph. In fact, as I hold the Diamond Wand in my hand and shift through settings, the vibration makes the toy turn over in my hand.

The 20 modes of vibration are probably overkill. There are 17 levels alone of pulsation or escalation, which includes fast and slow pulses, flutters, and waves. At first, I thought the vibrator turned on to the last-used setting, but there’s actually a random pulsation before the three levels of steady vibration. It takes an inordinate amount of time to cycle through all three. And although most people probably aren’t doing that during routine use, I think if manufacturers are going to have that many vibration modes, then a second button is a must. I would rather make the argument that no toy really needs 20 settings, however.

So where does this leave us? The Diamond Wand serves a limited function but one that’s useful enough for me to keep it around. I would be remiss if I didn’t recommend this toy for those who like pinpoint clitoral stimulation. It doesn’t give me the pressure I need, but if you don’t mind slight buzziness, it’s quite powerful.

I also want to mention that the USB cable that the Diamond Wand comes with is nearly identical to that of a few other toys I own, so keep it separated or labeled to save yourself the hassle.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Mini Marvels Marvelous Massager

September 16th, 2018

Mini Marvels Marvelous Massager
$33.53 from Amazon

I’ll be honest. I thought all the vibrators in the Mini Marvels line looked dinky, a word I used to describe a toy in a review from a decade ago – and one a little more recently! I was looking for any reason to try a toy in this line, however, because of the comic book-inspired packaging. After I read Dizzy Girl’s favorable review of the Teaser, I decided to try one.

I thought perhaps that the Marvelous Massager was best suited for my masturbatory preferences, and SheVibe shipped it my way.

Cal Exotics attempted to create a line of toys that fit into your hand almost intuitively, and this is one of the things that initially attracted me to the line when I came across it in Dizzy’s review. The finger location of the Teaser, however, seems a little more natural; although, even Dizzy Girl mentioned having to hold the toy in a way other than was intended by the design because she’s human. As am I

Despite other reviewers finding the Marvelous Massager, in particular, to be comfortable to hold, I could not disagree more. In fact, I was surprised to hear anyone describe this thing as easy to hold. As it turns out, I was holding it wrong. See, I require a lot of clitoral pressure when I masturbate, and I want to hold the Marvelous Massager with the thinner end toward my mons, so I get more pressure from the thicker end. Of course, the valleys for my fingers don’t work at all in that position.

Even when I turn the toy around, it still doesn’t seem to be designed well. Keeping your fingers between the “fins” prevents you from bending them at all. I probably have arthritis in my hands, and simply placing my fingers inside the slots for less than a minute leaves my knuckles feeling a bit stranger for a while. Not necessarily painful, but just a reminder of how damn awkward the position was. Were the handle portion narrow like the Teaser, it might fit more comfortably.

But there’s another issue. The Mini Marvels seem like they might simply be better for someone whose hands do not fit into gloves meant for children. In Mizz Jezebella’s photos, her fingers extend far longer than mine, and her knuckles sit differently within the finger valleys.

Finally, you can’t push the buttons with the same hand that’s using the vibrator

I think a solution to my issues, aside from having hands that function at 100%, would simply to make the fins that line that finger valleys much more flexible. A couple of bloggers call them flexible in their reviews but.. eh.. not really. You’d certainly think the fins would be more flexible than they are. That would give my fingers more room to “breathe” and, I suspect, make holding the Marvelous Massager much more comfortable (especially if they extended further from the center of the toy). Plus, this would allow a greater range of people to use this toy.

CalExotics obviously designed the Marvelous Massager — and perhaps all of the toys in the Mini Marvels line — with (cis) women in mind. They’re ideal for lithe fingers and, in fact, the illustrations included with the Marvelous Massager do not depict human fingers. Perhaps they’re some sort of alien appendages. I don’t know if CalExotics has invented finger shaming, but it’s ridiculous.

As is, my fingers seem pretty standard width. They’re not remarkably slender or wide. But anyone with meatier fingers, and definitely cis men would find the Marvelous Massager nigh on impossible to use as intended.

You can always use the toy more in the palm of your hand than with your fingers in the grooves. The shape of the Marvelous Massager means that I still can’t acquire the pressure that I prefer. I like the side that makes contact to protrude more. Lelo Siri 2Lelo’s Siri does this a bit. So does the Fun Factory Laya Spot. It allows me to grind the toy into my vulva. I can’t do this with this toy, however.

That leaves us at vibrations. I’ve seen some toys that are surprisingly powerful despite their size and toys that have vibrations as weak as they are small. The Marvelous Massager falls somewhere in between. It’s perhaps stronger than you might think given the design, but it’s a far cry from marvelous. Perhaps the broad bottom of this toy is less than ideal for distributing vibrations. I don’t necessarily want something pinpoint, but it’s just a bit too diffuse for me. I tried using the vibrator on its side, but that’s not an ideal solution, either.

There are seven settings aside from constant vibration. By now, my readers probably know that I’m not down with these settings. They seem lackluster, per usual.

One thing I do like is that the two buttons (power and cycling through settings) are raised. These didn’t show up well in my photos, but they’re easy to find with your fingers. Of course, the position doesn’t make perfect sense. I wonder if CalExotics could have managed to put them more on the sides like some computer mouses have buttons. Or even make it squeezable from the sides. Combining this with the Minna Limon would make an interesting little toy.

Aside from issues I’ve covered, you might care to know that the Marvelous Massager is waterproof and recharges via USB. For those who desire more power, you’re only going to get 30 minutes out of this vibrator (2 hours on low setting, however). This seems laughable compared to some vibrators and especially when you consider that it needs 2.5 hours to charge. I drained the toy on my first use. It looks like the entire line uses the same motor, so I wouldn’t use this as your only toy if you enjoy marathon sessions.

I suppose I cannot help but wonder if the shape of the Marvelous Massager is my biggest issue. Would I have preferred  something  else or am I out of luck given my preferences?

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Categories: Vibrators

Scoop

August 17th, 2018

Scoop Vibrator
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. 

The last few reviews focused on items that are available to win from my anniversary giveaway, and this post is no different. Well, it’s a little different: it’s not for a book. The focus of this is a newish vibrator from Company Screaming O.

This toy is also a bit of a departure for ScreamingO, a company you may know better for vibrating cock rings that are generally single-use and, well, kind of chintzy. I have used a similar toy exactly once, and that might have been too much. It wasn’t by ScreamingO, but I decided that the concept of the flimsy ring with attached bullet was worth no one’s time. In my head, I associated low-quality rings with a low-quality company.

So what made me change my mind and decide to review the Scoop for Screaming O?

  1. The shape really caught my eye. I enjoy clitoral stimulators, but it’s been years since once really did it for me.
  2. Scoop is a rechargeable toy — it’s right there in the tagline.
  3. It’s made from TrueSilicone, which I assumed means silicone (more on that in a bit)
  4. This is not a single-use toy
  5. The price of Scoop is quite affordable (you can currently buy it for $44 from SheVibe!). I know my readers want to know if there are affordable toys that are worth it

I think we can break it down by those points pretty much.

The shape of the Scoop reminds me of a large tongue. It’s much thicker at the base and curves and tapers toward the tip, which is a wide “point.” Scoop looks quite plush, and the silicone is dense. I would hesitate to call it soft because it’s so dense. There’s some give at the tip, but I honestly suspected it to be softer. You can use the Scoop with a lot of pressure without doing any damage, however. A toy such as the Tango feels much sharper when I press it against my body.

However, the Scoop’s shape does fail to really wow me. Perhaps the rounded edge lacks something pinpoint or the density of the tip dulls the pressure and sensation. Another reviewer mentioned using Scoop on its side rather than the tip.

The rounded base makes the Scoop easy to hold, and the single button is just as easy to use. However, it’s near the base in a location that I just don’t love. I actually wish the button was closer to the tip. I don’t know if I am alone in this, but buttons located near the base of toys have almost always been awkward for me.

The Scoop is curious from other vibrators in one way, however: when you press the button to turn it on, it jolts into life after you hold the button. I mean, the vibrator actually seems to jump. It doesn’t take away from use, but it does make the Scoop seem like it lacks a bit of finesse. The vibrations of this toy are moderately rumbly at first.

Scoop has twenty functions, and you need to press the lone button to cycle through each of them. Although you can simply hold the button to turn it off, there’s no easy way to cycle through the settings. And to move past steady vibration, you need to press the button ten times. I have never needed ten separate modes of vibration, and the higher ones are impossibly buzzy and blend together.

I am used to this with vibrators but wish it wasn’t the case. My hand absorbs a lot of the vibrations during use. The vibrations are strongest on the inside of the scoop and not the tip, perhaps because of the density of the silicone. This isn’t the spot I’d imagine most people would press against their sensitive parts. It’s particularly awkward for clitoral use but could work for nipple stimulation.

  • Slow pulsation
  • Pulsation that increases in speed until a steady vibration
  • Medium pulsation
  • Medium-fast pulsation
  • Zippy pulsation followed by a trill
  • Fastest pulsation
  • Long pulsation
  • Short, fast pulsation that almost feels steady
  • Medium pulsation followed by steady vibration
  • A number of medium pulsation followed by two bursts of the fast pulsation that almost feels steady

These all seem similar to describe, and they feel that way, too. Y’all know that I’ve never been a huge fan of settings, but someone who enjoyed them would likely find them too similar and be annoyed by having to press the button the Scoop twenty times to get to a single one. It would be nice if Scoop remembered the last-used setting.

According to the description, you can get an hour’s use out of the Scoop. I didn’t time it, exactly. It’s in that range. But there’s a definite loss of power as it happens. Some vibrators do promise longer use time, however. I also find the charger finicky. Scoop is like a few vibrators that simply have a hole in the silicone that covers the port and makes the toy waterproof. The plug doesn’t always line up (you’ll know because the LED lights up), and it usually takes me two attempts to line it up. Not a huge deal, but a little annoying.

My next concern is one shared by many: what the hell is True Silicone™? If it’s actually silicone, how is it trademarked — and why? Many toy lovers and bloggers are tired of the gimmicks. Screaming O sent me a data sheet that showed at True Silicone had been tested by a lab, but I was still curious. So I lit it on fire or, rather, I tried. The Scoop passed the flame test without a mark. I just wish ScreamingO was more transparent.

Despite some of my qualms about the Scoop, I think it is a decent option, especially at under $50. It’s not perfect, and it takes a lot to get me off with the Scoop. I think this is mostly a shape issue, and I now wonder if perhaps the Moove might be a better toy for me shape-wise. At the very least, I would be open to trying other ScreamingO toys, so I think the company is headed in the right direction (if stumbling there).

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Real Nude Helio Silicone Suction Cup Dildo

June 4th, 2018

Real Nude Helio Silicone Suction Cup Dildo
$38.99 from SheVibe

If you’ve been around a while, you probably know that silicone dildos are really hit or miss with me. Few have stolen my heart, and the ones that have done so in a big way.

I feel a bit like Goldilocks when it comes down to it. While velvety textures work well for vibrators, I am not as enthused about them for my dildos. So, too, have I enjoyed large vibrators, but I wasn’t sold by Tantus’ Goliath. Speaking of that dildo, the silicone was nearly rigid, something I like in glass, but apparently not in silicone. It wasn’t until I tried VixSkin that I really fell in love with silicone – and then had my heart broken when I accidentally used silicone lube with my Spur and ruined it.

One of the more recent silicone dildos to earn my whole-hearted (whole-vagina’ed?) approval was the Unicorn Horn Dildo by Split Peaches, which comes in both iridescent white and two Pride-appropriate rainbows. Several years before then, I appreciated the Tantus Faerie; although, I rarely use it.

So it was about time for me to try a new dildo, and the Real Nude Helio Silicone Suction Cup Dildo is it. SheVibe sent me this dildo to review, and I must admit that I am behind the times. I hadn’t realized how many companies were making dual-density dildos, which I seem to enjoy more than traditional single-density silicone. Nor did I realize that Ducky Doolittle had joined the company, a large part of their overall improvement, I am sure.

So you have dual-density silicone in fun and realistic designs with fanciful colors. Sounds like a good deal, right? And I do like several things about the Real Nude Helio]. First, the dual-density silicone is the shiny type (yup, it’s going to attract any hair, fur or piece of lint within arm’s length) with a squishy outer layer. To be honest, I think the core is softer than other dual-density, but it still manages a steady thrust. If, however, you’re the type who uses your dildos more vigorously, then the Helio might not cut it for you.

Real Nude Helio Dildo

Helio has some serious give

I enjoyed the squish and think I could take a larger toy in diameter than the Helio because of it. It’s only [measurements], so it doesn’t seem intimidating. A good middle-of-the-road dildo.

I am hesitant to recommend it as a G-spotter because while I was able to achieve some G-spot stimulation, mine is quite easily reached and it was the pressure from insertion more than the size or angle that helped me do so. Helio does have a very slight curve of the shaft as well as a contoured head, but I am not sure that the design of these two makes that much sense. You see, if you insert this dildo so that the curve is facing your G-spot or P-spot, the contoured head is not. You’re making contact with the smoother side. For someone who requires that hook or bulb to get the job done, Helio is probably not going to be the right toy.

There is another perk, however, as you can see in you see in my photos. It does have a suction cup base, so you can stick it on our shower wall or even a window to use as you see fit. It’s not a feature that I make much use of other than for taking photos, but I know some of my readers will like it.

Overall, my opinion of the Real Nude Helio Dildo is hotter than lukewarm. I think it feels nice, but the shape isn’t as specialized for G-spot stimulation as I or many of my readers might prefer. A more curved shaft and a head that contours to stimulate your G-spot would make more sense. Otherwise, I think a larger shaft might make this a winner for someone who fancies themselves a size king/queen.

My first impressions with blush’s real nude line were enticing enough that I would try another in the line, and I’ll certainly keep my eye out for pieces in the line that have more interesting shapes. But it’ll take more than what Real Nude offers to dethrone my favorite VixSkin toys. But at less than $40, they’re not really in competition.

3 Comments

Categories: Dildos, Reviews

Gballs 2

April 19th, 2018

Gvibe Gballs 2
$109.99 from Of Sex and Love Store

I first got in contact with Gvibe because I like that they create a smart Kegel exerciser. Now, if you remember my issues with Minna’s kGoal (tl;dr: it hurt like hell and connection was shoddy), you might be surprised that I’d be willing to try another one of this device. I’m a god damn hero, am I right?

But I could immediately tell that Gballs (technically Gballs 2) were smaller, and I counted on this being more comfortable. I was right (duh!). The vaguely hourglass-shape is definitely smaller (both more narrow and shorter) than the kGoal as well as most traditional Keg

el balls. It’s definitely manageable in a way that I don’t have a ton of experience with. My pubic bone just seems to get in the way. Gballs are simply a better fit.

One way this impacts my experience is that I only need one hand to insert Gballs. I needed to fucking wrestling kGoal into my vagina with both hands. This meant I had to touch my phone to connect, wash hands, insert, wash my hands, then waddle my way into my bedroom where I could lie down, relax and control the device. With Gballs, I pop them in with one hand, meaning I can keep one hand on my phone and use the other, if necessary, to adjust the toy. I don’t get bacteria from my phone near my vagina, and my phone stays lube-free. I far prefer this to all the obnoxious sex toys that rely on apps and two hands.

Gvibe makes up for this small size by making the retrieval chord also function as an antenna (it’s coated in silicone as is the device itself). It’s fairly long, and I think this is why. This is pretty smart IMO. Where I had issues with initial connectivity, turning on the kGoal and getting it to connect, Gballs connected nearly immediately and the connection is more stable (but imperfect, which I will touch on in a while).

Another difference comes by way of the mechanism that measures the strength of your PC muscles. Minna decided on a sort of inflatable-ballon that your muscles squeeze. With Gballs, there’s a small, pressure-sensitive dimple above the power button. I can easily feel and stimulate it (and sometimes accidentally hit it when I am simply holding the toy) with my fingers. I’ve had little issue with it reading pressure from my vag muscles, either. Although, I spent the first few times adjusting the position a bit – insert more, tug on the cord just a bit – to find the right fit. Now, it seems to slide more easily into place.

I’d like to move away from the comparisons between these two devices, however. This isn’t a scathing review of kGoal. I’ve already written one of those. But neither are the Gballs perfect. My issues are pretty much all with the app, Magic Kegel, so let’s go down that rabbit hole.

My first complaint is probably just that there’s so much going on. After launching it, I’m greeted by prompts to set up my account and go through a tutorial. There’s actually a medal for this tutorial that I’ve somehow not earned because it disconnected fairly quickly. I didn’t realize this immediately, however.

When disconnected, the app shows a redheaded avatar, ostensibly to match the voice that walks you through your training. I suggest you keep this one the first time you use Magic Kegel with your Gballs – but only the first time!

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If you want to get a move on, select the training tab. There’s a “Courses” button in the top left that lets you select one of six categories: Entry Level, Honeymoon, Planning a Baby, New Mom, Muscle Recovery, and Hot Lover. Yea, the ones that are relationship-centric are a little icky, but I get it. Now, all of these icons are grey, which is honestly a weird UI choice. Greyed-out options indicate “Locked” to me, and I’d imagine many others. What it actually means in Magic Kegel is “Not Selected.” Once you select a course and an intensity level (entry through master), the icon will become colored. And when a course and level is selected, you can simply hit the Play button from the Training screen before subsequent workouts without having to select a course again.

Each level has descriptions to help you decide what to go with but, they’re not great. A lot of the text in Magic Kegel feels as though it’s written by someone to who is not quite fluent in English. I understand it, but it’s awkward. And it’s potentially offensive. The Honeymoon category is described as follows;

For women who have average sexual experience, sit long hours (for example, in the office), don’t do sports or overweight. This course can help to overcome vaginal and pelvic floor muscles sag. Daily exercises can strengthen and tone muscles of vaginal canal and increase the blood flow to the genital area.

Like I said.. awkward. And equating body size to the strength of your PC muscles makes little sense. Kegels aren’t going to slim your body, and you can do them sitting??? Plus, athletic might give zero fucks about the tone of their PC muscles before using this app.

Aside from that, Magic Kegel relies on sexual experience as a metric for choosing your course too much. “Hot Lover” describes having three years of sexual experience, but I just can’t buy this. Even assuming that sexual experience means penetration (as if there can only be one, rigid definition of sex – ha!), does this affect the tone of your PC muscles? I shouldn’t think so, but I will gladly be proven wrong. And over the course of that time, sex can be inconsistent, anyway. This isn’t really a helpful descriptor, IMO.

Anyway, I recommend using the voice controls for the first time because you’ll hear the woman’s voice telling you when to contract and relax. There’s an on-screen bar that fills in green when you should contract, but this wasn’t initially clear because there’s also an overall timer for each set (between 60 and 90 seconds usually), but there’s a lot of padding around the sets. The timer also occasionally lags. Once you understand this, sound is totally unnecessary.

Each workout has four sets. These sets can vary in length and reps between the courses, but they’re the same within a specific level of specific course, but the reps are always repeated four times per each course. You’ll also have both long and short contractions. There’s are several three-second breaks in each set to give your muscles time to relax, but it bothers the hell out of me that these come at irregular intervals according to the timer.

An example workout might be 3 long squeezes, 3-second break, 5 short squeezes, 3-second break, 3 long squeezes. Repeat three more times. Four reps are required for the app to consider your workout for that course complete, and the sets are counted after they’re finished.

As you complete those workouts, a green circle will begin building around the workout icon, measuring your goal to completion. The progress bar moves slowly. I’ve stuck to Entry Level just to push it further, and I’m about 1/8th of the way around the circle after five or so sessions.

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I’ve mentioned before that you can earn medals, and this progress bar is one of them. You’ll see achievements under the Me tab, and there are a few beginner levels that I knocked out easily enough (there’s one about a questionnaire that doesn’t seem to exist, but the folks at Gvibe plan to remove that). “Advance” medals are all about exercising streaks, starting with two days in a row and working up to three months straight. All the Lina medals are about the flower you can grow with your vagina. Yep, you read that right.

In the Statistics tab, you can see numeric statistics, or you can click another tab to see the flower you’re growing with your vagina. Mine’s at level 7 and looking pretty healthy. It’s jumped a level if not two during each workout. This is cute but silly and easily ignored. If Gvibe wants to make this a more significant feature, I don’t see why they can’t add a little plant icon to the training screen, so you can see it in real-time.

This screen also includes your current bean count. I am not entirely sure how that works with level but was totally confused at first because it looks nothing at all like a bean and there’s no contextual information. Beans help you unlock fun features, which are essentially vibration modes. I can see they’re trying to further gamify the app and toy with this but am not personally interested in these unlockables. (They’re just one of the extraneous functions of the app to me, including links to other Gvibe products and a blurb about the company. There’s a menstrual calendar that might be useful to come, but I am perplexed that they don’t recommend using it during your period. Why??)

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Of course, the numbered stats are what interest me more. Logging on shows today’s data, if any and that of your last workout. Magic Kegel tracks workout length, endurance, strength, control ability, and initial rating. The system uses a 0-100 scale for this evaluation, and I started in the 60s and have progressed to the 80s. However, the numbers always have a measurement “M” behind them, as in 67M. It doesn’t correlate with any actual measurement, so I think a % would offer clarity. Honestly, I’d rather have a specific measurement than an arbitrary scale.

Now, the stats are what someone like me really wants (and I’ll tell you about my progress a bit later on), but they’re also frustrating. If your Gballs disconnect during a workout, you lose your stats. There were days where I had stats show up in the tab despite the toy disconnecting from the app, but those stats were reset to 0 when I signed in the next day. I definitely don’t think I am seeing all my data from before, which is frustrating. It does appear that stats may only fill in when your device is depicted. With my app disconnected, I can only see the length of workouts and none of the other stats.

This is where I have to talk about the app disconnecting. When everything is working right, you connect the Gballs to your phone, pop them in, and start a course. Aside from the guiding voice, the Gballs vibrate to instruct you to squeeze. However, if they only vibrate once you’ve started squeezing, you’re disconnected, and that’s just the pressure gauge making the balls vibrate when you contract.

Another thing you’ll see on-screen is a little birdy flying in the sky. When you squeeze, he moves closer to the clouds. This correlates to that o-100 scale. There’s often lag, and Magic Kegel becomes laggier the longer I use the app. It’s almost in real-time during the first few reps but slows down as time moves on. It’ll get to the point that the birdie will remain in place when I am squeezing but erratically flutter up after I’ve relaxed. Occasionally, I see no bird at all. You can always follow the bar or voice, instead, but it’s a bit glitchy.

This lag also extends to the vibration that triggers your exercises. Occasionally, it starts after the bar. Sometimes, it doesn’t vibrate at all. At other times, you’ll get a really long vibration that’s out of sync with the app as it tries to catch up. You can ignore it, but it’s quite distracting. It’s better than no vibration at all, however.

When your device disconnects, the bird disappears and you again see the little avatar. The bar keeps moving, however. In the beginning, before I was comfortable with Magic Kegel, I didn’t catch this. I noticed the vibration but it was only in response to my contractions and not encouraging them. I thought I was completing the workout, but it wasn’t recording data. Now, I can catch the disconnect right away to reconnect and..

You don’t need to leave the workout to reconnect.

The rep counter overlays the connect button, but you can still press it to reconnect without leaving the workout. You can pause and exit, but it’s faster for me to just touch the button through this screen (I probably lose a bit of data as I skip a rep, though). I would actually prefer a pop-up that alerts me that my device has disconnected, auto-pauses the workout and allows me to reconnect. But being able to reconnect is better than nothing at all.

The app recommends lying on your back with your feet flat on the floor and knees bent. This is actually not super comfortable for me because I tend to flex my quads, and I think the main purpose is to keep your device connected to the Gballs. I’ve experimented with letting my legs rest on the bed while close, and the device sometimes disconnects, even if I keep the antenna/cord pulled up against my mons.

If you want to use the app with your Gballs, this position is probably the best.

But!

You don’t need to use the app.

Because of that pressure-sensitive spot, you can simply pop in the Gballs without connecting them and squeeze. When you do, it’ll vibrate. I don’t find this particularly pleasurable because the vibrations are on the weaker end and buzzy. You can adjust the intensity of them in the app, but I keep mine about midway. Honestly, I squirt pretty easily, and don’t want to do that when doing Kegels. Anyway, the vibe are hella useful feedback. Am I doing this right? Well, does it vibe? Yes. Otherwise, maybe you need to adjust position. Sure, this isn’t as specific as the feedback from the app itself, but it negates the need to keep one hand on your phone, anyway.

Furthermore, you can pop the Gballs in and use them while going through the courses on the app without connecting. This might be a good option if you’re struggling with Bluetooth. Then, the app just works as an instructor and helps you get in your reps. It won’t record your data, but you’re still getting in your workout.

I think you’ve got a pretty good idea of how the Gballs work with or without Magic Kegel, but I know what you all want to know:

Do the Gballs work??

I’ve noticed a distinct improvement in stats over time. Even just using it two days in a row shows greater control and strength on the second day. Interestingly, my initial strength is usually greater than my muscle strength at the end of the workout, and I can feel how much easier it is to squeeze during that first time. I’m not experiencing any soreness afterward, but it’s just harder to maintain that strength sometimes, especially during some workouts.

I haven’t been using the Gballs long or consistently enough to see if it’s affected anything (I have not sneezed over the last two weeks, I guess?!), and neither my orgasms or libido seems affected. In fact, on days when I’ve used the Gballs, I am far less likely to masturbate if I haven’t already done it because I’ve begun associating my vagina with work/a task. Similarly, I’ve never had more than one workout session a day (although, I usually do at least two workouts, especially as I was getting used to the app).

I’ll throw in a mention of battery at this point because I will soon be wrapping this up. My Gballs came charged, and I didn’t bother to see if I could charge them any further. I’ve used them for well over an hour at this point, and they’re still going. I am not sure what sort of indication the device or app will give me when it’s time to charge, but I imagine you can get quite a few workouts done because the Gballs do not vibrate continuously, only to trigger a contraction or in response to one, depending on whether the device is connected. The site says you can get up to 4 hours of working time, and I plan to update this when I need to charge.

The Gballs are a little smaller, a little cheaper, and a lot less frustrating than kGoal; although your mileage may vary. Perhaps the strongest commendation I can give the Gballs is that I can see myself continuing to use them after I’ve written this review, and I rarely do that with most sex toys. I was glad to shove my kGoal in a drawer and never have to look at it again.

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Categories: Reviews

Slim Vixskin Realistic Silicone Dildo by Vixen

April 9th, 2018

Slim Vixskin Realistic Silicone Dildo by Vixen
$99.99 from SheVibe

If I’m being honest, the only reason why I wanted to try the Slim Vixskin Realistic Silicone Dildo is because I want a small (or not-so-small) collection of Vixen toys. I loved my Spur (RIP) and enjoy my Tex. I haven’t added more to my collection because, honestly, that’s my favorite silicone dildo and it serves all my needs. That doesn’t mean that I don’t lust over some of the more fantastic hues nor did it stop me from requesting the Slim Realistic to review.

So what makes this different? It’s dual-density silicone with a contoured head and veinous shaft. The base is circular, good for those who want to use it with a harness or simply dislike their sex toys to include disembodied testicles. It’s also a suction cup as you can see in my photo, but it fell off my dressed as soon as I snapped the photo! LOL!

The biggest difference, however, is the length: you can insert up to 8 inches, which is great for anyone who likes deep penetration. Girthwise, the Slim Vixskin Realistic Silicone Dildo is pretty average: 1.5 inches. However, much of the shaft seems a bit more narrow than that. If you enjoy that bursting-at-the-seams sensation, then the Slim Realistic isn’t for you. Of course, “Slim” is in the name so that’s on you. 😉

This dildo has a slight curve. It’s pretty easy to miss, honestly, and I don’t really think of this is a curved dildo. It’s more like a dildo that can curve thanks to its softness. The curve doesn’t seek out my G-spot, for example.

The real question, however, is whether the dildo is too long and narrow and soft to be functional. I’m happy to report that it’s not exactly floppy, but having used it vaginally with a few inches sticking out, I found myself grasping the dildo around the shaft rather than at the base so that I could more easily control it. I would say that if you’re looking for an easily controlled dildo and don’t need the length, then you might be better offer with another VixSkin dildo that is more easily maneuvered. It just feels a bit bulky and awkward in use. I could have sworn that I’ve seen a few similar reviews noting this, but now they elude me.

Regardless, while you can thrust with this dildo, it might not make the best G-spotter if you need it intense and fast.

Texture is an interesting thing when it comes to dildos. It’s much easier to feel on rigid materials like glass. I often don’t feel it at all when it comes to softer materials, especially not dual-density silicone. But there’s something different about the Slim Vixskin Realistic Silicone Dildo. Although the veins on it don’t look pronounced, I can feel them vaginally more than I was expecting too. I count this as a win.

Texture on the Slim Realistic Dildo by Vixen

Texture on the Slim Realistic Dildo

Interestingly, I don’t think that the head of this is really pronounced enough for me to feel it. A much larger corona or a thicker shaft overall would probably make the shape more impactful.

At the end of the day, I feel torn about the Slim Vixskin Realistic Silicone Dildo. It’s got the wonderful squishiness that I love about VixSkin dildos but because of the extra length, it feels cumbersome. The texture is wonderfully surprising, but the head is underwhelming. And the curve doesn’t add much to the sensation, so it’s almost a moot point.

However, the Slim Realistic Silicone Dildo by Vixen might be a great option for someone who wants a longer-but-slimmer dildo to use for strap-on play, especially anal stimulation. And the longer design gives you extra leeway for rounded booties or positions that require a little more length. For these specific purposes, I would recommend Slim Vixskin Realistic Silicone Dildo, which you can get at SheVibe for just under $100. Still, if you want to try VixSkin or you’re looking for a more multipurpose dildo or one that’s more filling, I might recommend the Mustang (7.5 inches insertable) or Tex (5 inches insertable), instead.

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Categories: Reviews

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.