The Cold Hard Truth is..

February 4th, 2010

Nexus Chloe is not nearly as amazing as she should be or looks. Read my review on EdenFantasys.

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Not There

January 17th, 2010

At first, I don’t hear the key in the door. I am busy, distracted by the vibrations against my flesh and my soft moans. The door opens and when it closes, I hear it. I know it is him (who else could unlock that door) and that he will soon find me. I debate turning off and covering up but decide against it. I continue to thrust the toy in and out of my cunt, already slick with arousal and lube.

The atmosphere changes as he almost enters the room, stopping suddenly in the door way. My face is turned away and I pretend not to know he is there. I imagine his mouth hanging open and he’ll swallow his words to take advantage of the situation. I strain to hear him breathe just as he must be straining to control it, keep it quiet.

I moan for effect and slowly pleasure myself with the vibrator. I extract it leisurely from my pussy, running the tip along my lips and doubling back. I rest it against my clit, gasping at the sensation before sliding it back inside my body, angling against my most sensitive spots. I feel myself swell and back off, not yet wanting to release that flood gate.

Just in time, he distracts me, having moved from the door to the bed. His weight shifts the mattress and a shiver runs down my spine. From my position, on hands and knees, I cannot see him and I dare not look over my shoulder. I trail the vibrator from my clit toward my breasts, slowly circling my nipples. He moves closer and I can feel his breath, hot on my skin but not a word is spoken. We both know he is there, we both refuse to acknowledge it.

I tense, almost started at the touch of his fingers, lightly caressing my lips. I rest the toy on the bed, still on, and move my now free hand between my legs, careful not to touch his. I don’t want to break the spell. I plunge several fingers into my vagina. They are eagerly taken in and coated in my juices. I pull them out slowly, sure they are glistening and spread myself wide, sure he is watching. I retreat my hand from its revealed position, grasp the vibrator once more.

He takes the opportunity and I am surprised by his tongue on my clit, zoning in exactly where he needs to be. His tongue flicks and swirls; his lips surround my erect organ and he sucks it into his mouth. I respond with appreciative moans and he buries his face deeper, moaning as well, releasing soft vibrations against my flesh.

Still, we don’t speak, perpetuating the facade. He backs away and adjusts his position. I take the time to slide the vibrator back into my cunt, pushing it against my G-spot. This time I am ready and the pulsations begin the flow. Quickly removing the toy, I push the flood of ejaculate out in a healthy stream. I can feel a hand brush my thigh as he holds it between my legs but not for long. His mouth replaces his hands, drinking of me and he sucks and licks every last drop from my lips and my thighs, leaving them wet with his saliva.

I am empty, but not finished. Not yet. The vibrator finds it way between my legs once more, pushing at my clit. I rub, pressing feverishly to build myself to orgasm. This time he doesn’t touch, at least not me. There is the sound of a zipper, fabric rustling and I know his cock is in hand. I imagine its shape, its size, texture and taste. I am licking my lips without realizing, the sudden fantasy bringing me closer to the edge. I remember how his hard cock feels against me, inside me and pretend the vibrator is as good. It’s not but I pretend, anyway.

We pretend we are alone, he stroking his cock and me with the vibrator pressed against my sex. We are both hot and I am more than sufficiently wet. The bed moves with our movements but I ignore it. I am masturbating furiously as he breathes raggedly. We are both close. As I feel myself about to peak, he moans behind me. I imagine the look on his face as he does, a contorted mixture of pleasure and effort and am sent over the edge myself. I feel the contractions of my muscles, a quick succession of orgasm that fades not long after it begins. I am not immediately aware of the hot cum that he landed on the back of my thighs but it cools quickly and gravity pulls it down my skin.

I turn off the vibrator, drop it between my legs. We are still silent, except for the sound of our heavy breathing and his pants becoming zipped once more. He climbs off the bed and quietly makes his way toward the door. As my heartbeat slows and breathing quiets, I hear the door open and close, once more the sound of keys jingling in the lock.

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Sinn-what?

December 21st, 2009

It was a long wait for my Sinnflut Intensity. I didn’t know if I could throw down that much money for an insertable vibrator. After all, I haven’t had much luck with them in the past. And I couldn’t request it to review; too many folks already had. So I opted to try to Reality but, to my chagrin, I was denied. There I was, back lusting at the Intensity until I finally decided to take the plunge with some hard earned affiliate commissions and gift cards from writing at EdenCafe.

Then, the Intensity was in my hands and I wasn’t regretting it. I was drooling over the power, impressed with the design and excited to have a vibrator stored conveniently on the nightstand but, wouldn’t you know, not all stories have a happy middle. It wasn’t long before I noticed the pitiful whining and despite draining the toy completely (what a chore that was for me) and recharging it fully, the sounds remained. When I turned it on for my husband, he actually yelled for me to turn it off! Turn it off! After a while, it sounded like a train was coming straight at me, like some eery music in the back of a horror flick. It was sometimes downright scary.

So I decided to exchange it for another and, like usual, the folks at EF were quick and great about it. I had to wait a couple weeks for my replacement (damned holidays) but it showed up and made considerably less noise. I was relieved. I let myself breath again, among other less PG activities with the Intensity. Then, I wrote a review about it. You should read it.

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Santa Duckie

December 11th, 2009

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Most people I know consider the I Rub My Duckie line to be cute. I do. I don’t lust over every single piece, but it’s cute, and I own two: the Paris Duckie and, now, the Santa Duckie. Actually, there is something about the design of the Santa duckie that really appealed to me, much more than most of the other designs, despite the fact that it’s only the mini, travel-sized version (which I have thus far avoided). I definitely think the fact that it comes in a functional Christmas tree bulb holder is part of that draw. After spending a bit of time with the vibrator, I can’t say I will rush out to buy every other duckie, but I can say that I like it a lot. It’s cute but also more practical than I would have guessed.

As I mentioned, the packaging of this duckie is a bit more thought out than other versions. The whole thing is in a plastic box with different snowflakes printed on the front and sides. Inside this sites a tray where the Christmas bulb rests. The front half of the bulb is clear with more snowflakes and the back is solid blue, creating a backdrop for the duckie. The bulb is topped off with a red bow and a silver string which means it could be hung on a tree, if you’re into that sort of thing.

At first, I was disappointed because there were two pieces of tape that seemed to hold the two sides of the bulb together, but those were only there for extra support. When together, the bulb actually has a short, threaded neck on top onto which screws a silver plastic cap that mimics the metal caps on the top of actually Christmas bulbs (this is also where the box and hanging string attach). Without the tape, the globe still stays whole but it’s a bit more secure with the tape on the bottom. In fact, the duckie is uber-secure as there are a couple of places where there are twisty tries threaded through and then taped, just the way Barbies are secured in their boxes.

Of course, the Duckie himself has a bright red suit and hat, complete with black belt and fluffy trim. Although the entire thing is hard PVC, the white parts are textured to look fuzzy. There is quite a bit of texture on the Santa Duckie from his clothes to his wings, break and other body parts. There are a few mostly smooth pieces but there’s no entirely smooth, spacious surface like most vibrators.

Once out of his box, I immediately felt that the more compact size of the Santa Duckie, as compared to my regular-sized one, would be beneficial. That might be slightly detrimental if you want him mostly for decoration purposes, but it just seemed less bulky to me, more like the size of a clitoral vibe like Laya Spot. For me, the tail was the best surface to actually press against my body as it is somewhat broad and there are no immediate obstructions from the shape of the toy. This allowed me to apply firm pressure with the duckie. The tail also comes to a rounded point for those who might prefer a pinpoint sensation.

Besides size, the Santa Duckie has different controls and battery requirements than a regular duckie. The battery compartment is covered by a small plastic cap with a straight indentation to unscrew it. A knife, screwdriver or possibly even fingernail could be used without too much difficultly. Inside is room for a single AAA battery, rather than the AA batteries that they regularly use. I was quite surprised by how much power this lone battery can put out. I think the size reduction actually means that more of the vibrations can be felt. The regular-sized duckie seemed to absorb more vibrations even though it had a stronger power source. The vibrations are a little buzzy and there’s very little variation, if any, but I found them to be sufficient because I could apply pressure.

The control is a knob like the ones which control the burners on my stove. Turning it clockwise (looking at the duck’s belly, head toward the top) turns on the vibrations. The knob can only turn about a quarter of a circle and it kicks in at about half of that distance. Unfortunately, the style makes it seem like the vibrations are adjustable, but they feel pretty much the same to me, even if I turn it as far as possible.

The Santa Duckie is pretty loud for its size and strength, however. Definitely loud enough to be heard in the same room but probably safe to use in the shower or with the door closed. Sometimes I can also hear the battery rattling inside which adds to the noise factor.

During play, I used him through my panties (which I sometimes do with the Layaspot). That will probably be how I play because I do not like the idea of having to clean fluids from him. This duckie’s belly has many embossed words and indentations that could easily pick up liquids but would require a toothpick to fully clean. If these words are completely necessary (and they’re not; most of them are promotions for the company), a tiny informational packet would be a much better option. Even the helpful stuff isn’t really needed. I could easily figure out how to open the battery compartment and turn this thing on without instructions.

I’m happy to say that this duckie performed well underwater. Not a drop made it into the battery compartment, which is more than I can say for my Paris Duckie. So take him in the shower or bath as much as you want. On the not-so-bright side, he doesn’t float upright. Santa Duckie floats pretty much every other way than right side up, but I can live with that.

Even after my first use, I was surprised with the Santa Duckie. I haven’t played with many clitoral toys lately, and my focus on squirting has meant fewer orgasms in general. Santa Duckie reminded me what masturbating used to be like and took me through a session of multiples. He is definitely a better duckie than my Paris Duckie; although, he probably won’t replace my Layaspot.

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iTap™ “G” Vibe White

November 30th, 2009

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you have probably heard about the new iTap vibrators from California Exotic Novelties, and as I have recently been sent my first toy from the company as part of their Sexpert program (yea, go me!), I was able to get to know this new technology intimately.

Appearance-wise, the iTapi G Vibrator isn’t really amazing. It has sleek lines and curves to a rounded point meant to stimulate the G-spot. The shaft is a velvet-cote, white plastic, while the battery cover is slightly thicker and is a regular, shiny plastic; the shaft is pretty uniform at 1″ in diameter, making it one of the smaller insertable toys I’ve tried. There are slight seams in the shaft but nothing that my vagina can feel or that would complicate cleaning. To remove the cap, twist and then pull straight off. To replace, line up the arrows on the cap/shaft, push it on then twist. Overall, it’s straightforward and not significantly unique, although the shape of the head is a little pointer and not at all like many bulbous G-spot toys. In fact, that was one down side to the iTap G Vibe: the head was at too extreme of an angle and too pointy for my to like it either internally or externally. The tip did allow for easy insertion as well as letting the toy to hook around my pubic bone to provide a sort of “hands-free” experience which I can see being useful for some.

And the tap feature? Works pretty well. The ease of use is pretty insane. Just tap the end of the battery pack once to turn it on (there was an instruction sticker which I have since tossed), again to cycle through the different settings and once more to turn it off. It doesn’t appear like there is a way to turn off the vibrator without going through all the settings, however. I liked the fact that there are no demanding buttons that need to be pressed a certain way (you can pretty much press anywhere on the bottom) and this tap censor doesn’t strain a person physically but, having already used another toy with touch censors, I was prepared for a problem which also occurred with the iTap G. Because the tap pad is so sensitive, it’s easy to bump it and you’re off on another setting or turned off altogether. Folks who don’t love the type of toys with push buttons on the end (like many Evolved vibes) will probably also dislike the current line of iTap toys for the same reason. In fact, as I write, I want to stand the vibe up on my desk but, as soon as I lift it away, it has been activated. As this sort of technology advances, there is a definite need for a physical lock button – like on my MP3 player. With that addition, I can see touch controls being my controls of choice.

I was pretty impressed by the power and functions of this toy. It runs on 2 AAs and has two steady vibration settings, which I would basically call medium and high. They will probably please most people but I’d like to see a low setting as well. The more sensitive my G-spot becomes, the more uncomfortable it is to actually use super-strong vibrators. CEN has enough power in this vibrator, just not enough options for steady vibration. There are three different pulsating options which go something like this: Short-Short-Long, Short Short Short and a back-and-forth style, which I can’t think of better words to describe. The pulsating modes are also quite powerful but I’d like all the vibrations to be slightly less buzzy. They’re someplace in the middle of “high pitched buzz” and “throbbing.”

Because the vibration is focused near the tip, I didn’t find it uncomfortable to hold the iTap G. The vibrations could still be slightly felt but didn’t numb my hands. The 6″ shaft comfortably allowed room for my hand without hindering exploration but you might want to make sure your hand is around the shaft and no fingers will stray toward the tap pad (again, to avoid accidentally switching).

Although I rarely take my toys into water, the iTap G is not a waterproof vibrator. Some soap and water washing may be safe but I think a toy cleaning spray and wipe would be friendlier to such a unique toy. If you are a friendly toy owner, CEN does not recommend using oil-based lubricants with the iTap toys for whatever reason. I rarely use anything but water-based lube, and not much is needed with a toy of this stature.

My Sexpert opinion of the iTap G is that California Exotic is making great strides in the right direction; a continuing focus on quality over quantity is going to get them noticed for good reasons but, while the iTap G is innovative, there are certainly a few kinks to work out before it’s remarkable.

CEN_SEXPERT_certified

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Best buy dolphin

November 3rd, 2009

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

No, this isn’t a vibrator that I bought at Best Buy, although some part of me simultaneously giggles and cringes at that idea. It’s CEN’s take on an affordable rabbit vibrator that is great for those looking into rabbits for the first time and also perhaps for folks who sometimes become overwhelmed by all the options rabbits can have. It’s not luxury, nor is it meant to be. It is simply.. the Best Buy Dolphin.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the sheer number of things a vibrator can do. This was the case with Evolved’s Lunar Rabbit, which has hundreds of possible combinations, but it ultimately didn’t do anything of them perfectly. In my opinion, when a toy does a few things really well, it beats a toy that does many in a mediocre fashion – hands down. That is what the Best Buy dolphin aims to do, which makes it perfect for any rabbit newbies or anyone who is just plain sick of a million settings, none of which quite hit the spot. As usual, there are a couple glitches with that ambition.

There are only 4 buttons on this toy. One to turn on/off each of the functions and the other to adjust. For the rotating shaft and beads, this reverses the direction. For the vibrating dolphin clit stimulator, this changes from low to high and back. There are a few combinations, but it remains newbie-friendly. Of course, there are no pulsation or rollercoaster-type settings, either, so if your clit likes something a bit more exciting than steady vibes, look away. Per usual, the beads and rotating shaft work together and I would love to find a rabbit where the beads could be operated separately.

I was surprised at how well the rotation works. I think this is because the 4 rows of plastic beads rotate pretty fast, but this also makes a whining sound. Most rabbits freeze up under any sort of duress, but the beads actually hurt me when I clenched, and I had to ease up. On the one hand, they work pretty damned well; on the other hand, many people (including myself) tend to clench during orgasm so this can actually be a con.

In terms of vibration strength, I was unimpressed. The high is more like a medium and most vibrators and I usually don’t use the medium on most rabbit vibes. Neither setting did anything more than tingle. Furthermore, the dolphin-shaped clit stim just didn’t work for me. I found it to be a little short; only his pointy nose made contact and it actually hurt a bit.

I’m not surprised the vibrations were lackluster. The bullet seems to be quite small; although there is quite a bit of TPE material around it so the bullet looks larger. Furthermore, this is only powered by AAA batteries but is pretty quiet. Granted, it uses 4 of them but my experience is that I usually need at least 2AAs. The battery pack is also a little strange. It pulls straight out and pops back in, but there’s a screw that attaches the battery cap to the casing, which makes it seem like you might need to unscrew it. You don’t, it’s just misleading. Also, make sure it’s secure. It will turn on even if it’s not only to have the batteries fall right out.

As I mentioned, the shaft and clit stim of the Best Buy Dolphin are covered in a soft, blue TPE which is translucent. It’s very flexible and thin. I can actually pinch some off the shaft. I wouldn’t mind thicker material around the beads and thinner material on the clit stim to make it more comfortable. The shaft had water and wavelike textures while it also has 4 equidistant ridges (and is thinner than the shaft), but none of those textures are really effective.

TPE is both silicone and water-based lube compatible, and you’ll want to use it, not because the Best Buy Dolphin is huge (it’s respectably girthy at 1.75″ diameter at its widest) but because the TPE is so sticky, and this can cause friction without proper lubrication. I found the 5 insertable inches and girth to be pretty adequate myself. It also collects a lot of lint and dust, so popping on a condom isn’t a horrible idea to make the whole thing a little cleaner (plus it’s somewhat porous).

When it comes to cleaning off that lint and whatever fluids may have collected, soap and water should do the trick. However, I’d be reluctant to submerge this vibrator completely (whether playing or cleaning) even though it’s supposed to be waterproof, especially considering that the battery cap can pop off if it’s not secure. The cap just doesn’t seem as watertight as others California Exotics styles.

The Best Buy Dolphin is a pretty good option for those who are just getting into rabbits, but it isn’t anything amazing. The clitoral stimulator definitely needs more power and its shape was just no match for me. Although the beads rotated enough for me to squirt, no part of this toy was going to make me orgasm. For less than $30, you could do worse.

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The Wave

October 8th, 2009

Wave Purple

Wave Purple
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

The Wave is a dual stimulator that is a little different than either your typical rabbit (or even the slimmed-down styles like the Silicone Intimate Diver, which I’ve tried) or C-shaped vibes (Rock Chick, anyone?), but that is exactly why it drew my attention. The longer handle which extends up toward the body, instead of away, drew me by its maneuverability.

It also made for a good size reference, in my opinion. Sometimes those C-shaped dual stimulators are totally off base when it comes to size. Upon opening the package (a colorfully decorated plastic box), I noticed how long the toy was. From tip to tail, it’s got some length – 10″ – and there’s the cord (which is a comfortable 27″ or so) and control/battery pack on top of it, but that was to be expected.

What I wasn’t expecting was just how rigid the jelly material would be. I mean, jelly toys tend to be softer as a given. That’s precisely why some people prefer them but The Wave is definitely an exception. It’s not rock hard but it’s as firm or possibly firmer than some silicone toys I’ve tried. This really perplexes me because both the G-spot and clit stimulators have nubs on them, resulting in a potentially painful combination, especially if you like to grind like me. Furthermore, some people might find the nubs a hindrance to insertion so I’d recommend a water or silicone based lube. Otherwise, the firmness is something a lot of folks look for when it comes to G-spot stimulation. It just seems like a bad idea when paired with equally firm nubs.

The curve opening on this toy is also a bit wider (4″ from point to point), which contributes to the overall length. This will probably be good if your G-spot is deeper or if your clit is further from your vagina but I found that the nubby G-spot end slid right past my G-spot when the clitoral end was on my clit and vice versa. Although the firmness meant I was still able to use the shaft for G-spot stimulation, I was never able to use it exactly how it’s supposed to be used, nor would I want to. I tried to press the clitoral nubs against my body but quickly stopped because I’m not a big fan of (that type of) pain.

In terms of vibrations, the Wave runs on 2AA batteries. The control pack has two buttons – up and down – and a light to denote each setting of vibration. It’s a velvety, rubber-cote-style controller which is easy to hold but nothing special. The 4 settings are all steady, and the higher frequency vibration is centered at the clitoral nubs. Intensity definitely decreases toward the G-spot stimulator. The Wave has a decent amount of vibration and my G-spot responded well. However, it’s worth noting that my G-spot is much more sensitive to vibes than my clit. Within a matter of moments, I was able to squirt despite the shortcomings of the Wave.

As its name suggests, the Wave is waterproof. The battery cap screws on tightly and there is also a rubber O-ring. The cord seems fairly secure where it attaches to the controller but not quite as secure where it attaches to the toy itself. Because of this, I probably wouldn’t submerge the wave. I’d stick to shower time.

The waterproofing makes washing with soap and water easy. I would recommend doing this before and after each use because of jelly’s porous nature. Swapping between partners or holes it something I can only suggest with condoms. While still tacky to the touch, the Wave seems less guilty of attracting lint as other jelly, probably because it’s so hard. Also, beware that skunky, jelly scent. The Wave is no exception in that department.

The Wave was quite successful at making me wet, although not at getting me off, and I expect at least one type of orgasm when it comes to dual-stimulation vibrators. I think I would have been able to wrangle the Wave into an effective orgasm machine had Doc Johnson decided to make it either firm or nubby. As is, the Wave is no treat, and I couldn’t even experiment with the handle because it hurt my clit. Still, I think Doc Johnson is on to something and, with a few modifications, this toy could make waves.

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