A Day at the Clinic

May 27th, 2010

I got tested the other day, for a couple of STDs. It was my first time; although, in hindsight, it shouldn’t have been. I called up the local Planned Parenthood and scheduled myself an appointment for testing and a Pap smear as my last was long overdue. PP is pretty well know; although, I’d never been to one of their clinics before. My last few paps and my HPV issues were taken care of at military hospitals and while I still have that option, I’ve let my military ID expire because of the impending divorce and I simply hate the medical setup in this city. I would rather die than have to deal with it. No exaggeration.

So I headed in to my 4 o’clock appointment, signed in and watched The People’s Court of something for over and hour while I waited. The room was small, fall and less impressive than I am used to. Even though the facility itself could have used some homey touches, everyone I talked with was incredibly friendly and professional. I went through the usual questions (are you being abused? do you check for breast lumps?) as well as some new procedures (the tech stabbed me in finger to test for iron and I peed in a cup immediately, even when they forgot I wanted testing). I guess they probably have the routine down to an art but some of the things just seemed a bit unnecessary.

When I did remind the tech that I wanted testing, nothing rude was said. No scathing glares or uncomfortable silence like I’ve read in so many other accounts.

I would have liked a proper gown, though. All I got was the flimsy paper sheet but the actual pap and chest test was over and done with soon enough that it doesn’t much matter. Interestingly enough, this is the first pap I’ve had since my G-spot awakened and I could definitely feel the speculum pressing against my G-spot and I was worried about squirting all over the nurse practitioner–but I didn’t!

It’s always frustrating when you wait over an hour for an appointment which takes less than 30 minutes but I didn’t have to wait in between the prep and actual pap, which I appreciate. My experience was ultimately unremarkable.

7 Comments

Categories: Everything Else

You know the joke..

May 22nd, 2010

I am getting over my period, for the third time in three months. Most women between the ages of 13 and 60 or so wouldn’t think twice about this but since getting my IUD, I haven’t consistently gotten my period for years. It was a bit surprising to get it 2 months in a row but the third? Wow!

I’m a little annoyed. I mean, it’s natural and healthy but it’s annoying and I feel like I’m losing time. I’d rather not be crampy or bleeding or ruining panties or too uncomfortable to masturbate.

It also reminds me that I don’t have a family and my biological clock has been ticking, oddly enough, for the last 3 months or so. Truth be told, I’m not sure if it’s because my brain is sending out some sort of hormone.. or if maybe the growing up I’ve been forced to do and my desire for a greater purpose in life (IE, a family) has awakened my biological clock.

But while my period only lasts one week a month, this ticking shows no signs of abating.

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Categories: Everything Else

No, You Don’t

May 17th, 2010

(or: Yes, You can)

Carrie Ann wrote an interesting post on her blog about how reviewers feel a sense of entitlement. Ignoring the fact that everyone feels entitlement in every aspect of life, I agree with some of her points. A little bit of patience and letting things slide goes a long way in our reviewer-retailer relationships (and our personal relationships, too!). Bitching about every little thing has never done me good. These days, I find myself being a more patient person in many areas of my life.

What’s more, I understand that the service offered to me by retailers and manufacturers is simply that, a service offered to me. They don’t have to do it (and some stores haven’t taken me on as a reviewer), and I appreciate it. I am always grateful to get toys and recognition for my reviews but I know these relationships are business relationships.

The bottom line is, these are businesses and they can do what they want. They can ignore my e-mails or any feedback I give. They can be snotty. They can send me good toys or crap toys or no toys at all. They can choose not to work with me. They can choose to be friendly and understanding or they can harass me and delay shipping or jump up and down on my boxes before handing them off to the mailman. They can terminate or suspend our relationships at any point. They can ban my account from their website. Hell, they could even ask me to not post a review, I suppose, if they weren’t happy with the way I write it.

They can do these things.

They don’t have to do anything I want them to do. They don’t even have to be courteous. But it’s good practice to do so anyway (dare I say “should?). You know the old saying “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” And it’s true. Just because you can do things without explaining to your community or customers, doesn’t mean you should. Just because you can rule with an iron fist doesn’t mean you’ll have a kingdom worth ruling. Just because you can outsource your tech support to India, does not mean you should (I MEAN IT!)

No retailer owes me anything but it’s just plain stupid to expect that someone who critiques products on the internet isn’t going to speak up when services, policies, interactions or other experiences can use a little critiquing. Which is exactly why extending common courtesy to your reviewers is a good idea. I can post my thoughts on my website and publish it for the world to see. Short of legal action, you can’t stop me.

It doesn’t mean I will, especially if you have made it clear that you’re not an all-powerful being without fault. Maybe you’re just a business made up of imperfect humans like myself (not that I am several people). Give a little, get a little back, right? I’m much more likely to be understanding if the folks I work with have shown me the same understanding in the past. That can be the difference between me taking a positive spin on a “crisis” or calling for your company to be damned.

And I’m sure it’s a fine line to walk. You’ve got to look out for your bottom line but you don’t want to alienate the people who have the power to help that bottom line. You want to protect the community but not everyone in the community wants protecting or agrees about how you should go about it.

But if you don’t find yourself at least trying to walk that line, you might find yourself in an even more uncomfortable situation. Like it or not, the things you “don’t have to do,” are the very same things that people are looking for. I know; it’s the reason I’m getting divorced.

6 Comments

Categories: Everything Else, internet

Why I do This

May 16th, 2010

And by this I mean: blogging, reviewing, chatting, posts on forums, Tweeting and otherwise participating in this corner of the blogosphere.

At first, it was purely about getting free toys and maybe a little about proving how awesome I am. I’m competitive like that. Yes, I have gotten a lot of free toys. So a quick thank you to EdenFantasys, Vibrator.com, Sextoy.com, Babeland, Good Vibrations, PinkCherry, TabuToys, AdultSexToys, SheVibe, Wet Inc, Liberator, TheAdultToyShoppe, Nexus, California Exotics, BetterSex, Lovehoney and Ophoria for sending me free shit. I appreciate it more than you know. But I’m not as greedy anymore. I’ve gotten enough stuff that it takes a little more for something to catch my eye or I’m better at gauging what will or will not work for me. I’ve also been able to buy or swap for a lot of toys and there’s very few things I really want which I haven’t gotten. In the past few months, I acquired both the Lelo Ina and Mona, Fun Factory Delight and a Liberator Throe.

So as much as I like contests, I can’t even find $300 worth of items I want to join this one being hosted by AdultSextoys.

Of course, that’s not the only reason I’m here. Another selfish reason for doing all of this is simply to get to know myself better. To explore my sexuality, to experience pleasure. I’ve done a great deal of this with the help of my husband, too.

But not all my reasons are selfish. I’ve learned a lot from being apart of this all. I thought I knew a lot but I didn’t. Maybe I knew more than some people and I certainly know more than some people now but the more I learn, the more I realize how much there is to learn, how much I really don’t know. The more I know, however, the more I feel like maybe there’s an activist inside me.

And I hope, although maybe it’s a silly hope, I give something to others. Like maybe I’m helping to spread knowledge or prevent a bad purchase.

I have to admit, I love the praise, the recognition. I like having rank at EF and seeing my numbers rise. I like the sheer amount of stuff I’ve written. I like looking at my hits and visitors and pagerank. I like it when someone mentions how I’m a tough reviewer and this is why she trusts my word. That kinda thing. I like praise and recognition. A lot.

I’m here because I’m made some awesome friends and spent countless nights laughing out loud in chat as we discuss sex toys, PR mistakes, crappy companies and good ones. As we joke about who belongs to whom and who is a bigger slut and just what that word means anyway.

I guess I’m here more for selfish reasons than not but here I am and I’ll probably be sticking around a while. You see, you people keep me sane. And busy, And smiling. Maybe you’re the reason I do this.

3 Comments

Categories: Everything Else, internet

Exchange-worthy

May 13th, 2010

Just curious what sort of issues will cause you to seek an exchange for a toy you’ve purchased or have been given to review? Forgive my lack of sentences but I am quite tired. d= I’ve only ever exchanged a product twice and I just shrugged it off both times. One was a Fun Factory toy which worked but made strange sounds. I was hesitant to exchange it but am not glad I did. The other was the Synergy which many folks have had problems with but I know that fault products sometimes happen. It’s just the way it is.

Still, I’m less likely to request an exchange on a product I’m reviewing than one I purchased. I recently gota replacement for my Throw from Liberator after I contacted them directly. I’m super glad I did because I was past the deadline to do it through EF and the Liberator people were awesome.

So what sort of things set you over the edge? What thinks will you live with? When do you or don’t you contact the retailer or manufacturer?

5 Comments

Categories: Everything Else

Or am I?

April 15th, 2010

But I’m the only one
Who’ll walk across the fire for you
I’m the only one
Who’ll drown in my desire for you
It’s only fear that makes you run
The demons that you’re hiding from
When all your promises are gone
I’m the only one

This whole thing is so difficult for me. I hired a divorce attorney today. I still try to have hope but I know things are bleak. This shouldn’t be happening. To me. I mean, we loved each other so much. How could it be happening?

I’m so full of questions. Sometimes I wonder how I could have been so awful. Other times I wonder how he let his negative attitudes get so far. Some days I wonder just what the problem was because our relationship was far from disastrous, really. I don’t want to trivialize his feelings but at the end of the day, I think it’s safe to say they are not proportionate to events. And he’s not reacting like an adult.

It makes me so angry. I just want to knock sense into him because God knows that he won’t listen to reason. Whatever happened to sticking it through “the worse” (you know, like in your vows?). Hell, can I even call these times “the worse?” They’re more like the not-quite-awesome times. That’s not that bad.

Today I realized that 60 days from the date he filed will be my fucking birthday. I don’t know if I could handle being divorced in my birthday. I mean, divorce itself is bad enough as is.

God, I wish our therapist was available this week.

2 Comments

Categories: Everything Else

This is Why Your Online Sex Toy Store Sucks

April 12th, 2010

Don’t deny it.

  • There is no “new additions” page.
  • There is no way to arrange products by price.
  • Options for product arrangement exist but do not work.
  • Users cannot tell which category a toy falls into.
  • All your prices fall in the under $30 dollar range.
  • All your products fall in the over $75 range.
  • Both of the above.
  • Any category contains less than 5 items.
  • There are not page navigation links (“Page 1”, “Page 2” or “Next” and “Previous”) on both the top and bottom of the page.
  • Links take the user to a different part of the site with no indication how to return to where they were before.
  • Different colours are listed as separate products. (Personal comment: cut it the fuck out!).
  • You obviously have no concept of material safety.
  • Items are described with manufacturer supplied images or descriptions.
  • And the generic supplied information isn’t even listed with the correct toy.
  • Toys which are in no way safe for anal play are recommended for anal play.
  • Your site is obviously just an affiliate shop.
  • Your site has only been tested in one browser.
  • That browser is IE 6.
  • The home/index page links to sections which cannot be found via any other page.
  • Every toy is made of jelly.
  • Every porno you stock is straight.
  • You rename products from their box name.
  • The images in your shop: do not work, have been resized until the subject is unrecognizable, are taken in light that even bats would find low, are only icon sized, are of the wrong product, include more than 2 products which are not included and/or are intended to grossly misrepresent the size of the product.

Let’s be honest here, all of these things fall into one of two categories: site usability and product selection. If your site is so horrendous that we cannot use it, we sure as shit ain’t buying from it. And while I don’t expect every toy store to stocks tens of thousands of items, having variety in styles, prices and toy materials is a must. In fact, I would never suggest only stocking high end items because that puts your shop in a niche which I will never have need for. Me? I just want a site which I can browse and enough product variety that something will catch my fancy.

4 Comments

Categories: Everything Else, internet

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.