Big Boss

September 10th, 2012

Fun Factory G4 Big Boss

Fun Factory G4 Big Boss
from

Fun Factory currently offers the Big Boss G5 and the Boss dildo. 

I know, I’m ridiculous. This review has been a long time coming. A long time. But it’s one that I wanted to write for a couple of reasons, mostly because I quite like this toy and also because the comparison to the Big Boss is necessary. With a capital N. I loved my original Boss. In fact, that was the very name of the review. It remains a toy that’s pretty firm and pretty large, something that usually makes me hate all other toys, but I like the Boss. I like Fun Factory. I liked the vibrations. I liked the little clitoral nub, and I liked fucking myself with this vibrator. Got it? Okay.

So, I wanted to see if I’d like the Big Boss better. And was it really bigger? And would it be stronger or buzzier as a rechargeable version?

First things first. The Big Boss is bigger than the Boss. I’ve read more than one review that claims otherwise. Shut the fuck up. The Boss has a slightly smaller 1.6″ diameter. The Big Boss upgrades this to 1.75″. Neither are the biggest toys ever, but the silicone remains the same on both models. You can bend the shaft slightly, but it’s pretty firm. Fun Factory’s finish also creates a lot of drag that makes insertion pretty difficult. Not everyone likes it. I’m not going to lie to you all: I barely got this thing in. If G-spot stimulation were the end-all and be-all, this toy would have failed. It really would have. The Big Boss is too big for my tiny vagina (vaginy?!?) at this point. Now, if I were having sex or constantly using insertables or didn’t develop spasms at the thought of warming up, this wouldn’t be the case, but the Big Boss is a solid toy, and I just can’t do it. But that’s my fault, not its fault.

By the time I got anything inserted, I felt like I’d used an entire bottle of lube. It was only like 1/4, but, you know, I was all sorts of slippery. This was a freakin’ masturbation adventure, and who doesn’t like adventures?! The contoured head of this and a little lube and my clit is, like, the best adventure I’ve ever been on. I know, I know, this is an internal vibrator, but it works pretty damned well on my clit, and that’s precisely why I’ll be keeping it around. Even if it doesn’t work for its intended purpose, the Big Boss works damned well for other purposes. Multitasking motherfucker.

The Big Boss is also molded differently from the original. You might not even realize it from the pictures, but I noticed it. The one feature that I really liked with the Boss is that little clitoral nub. The shaft curves slightly, and on the inside of the curve is a little nub. It’s the result of two ridges that run parallel gently swooping together toward the handle/base of the vibe.. and it does nothing if you insert this straight, but I would insert the boss only halfway and, then, pull the rest upward, which allowed my clit to enjoy the pressure of the nub.

Unfortunately, the Big Boss pays homage but fails at offering any clitoral stimulation. The Big Boss has a ride on the outside of the curve, and I couldn’t feel it at all. On the whole, the Big Boss is straighter, while the original has a relaxed “S” shape. There’s this decorative ridge that gives the impression of a nub toward the base, but it does jack shit for my clit. I am ranting in rhymes. That’s how much it sucks. I don’t know why Fun Factory deviated but they were wrong.

However, I like the move to rechargeable. The original used the same buttons, with the addition of a boost button. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t want to have to push down an extra button when I want extra juice. All the buttons were frustratingly difficult to press to boot. This isn’t the case with the Big Boss. The buttons are soft and responsive, and the base has that light that turns on when you touch it. All in all, it’s a vast improvement. I do find the looped handle better in theory than practice. My arms, hands, and fingers just don’t work at the right angles to work it, but it’s not like I can’t use the vibrator.

This used Fun Factory’s magnetic charger. It means the thing is waterproof if you want to go deep-sea diving with your Big Boss–I joke. The charger is finicky, though. You need to line it up just right and make sure not to bump it. You’ll probably want to check on it every so often to make sure it’s still charging. I say this from experience.

So does this produce a vibration that satisfies me? Yes. The Big Boss is definitely stronger than its predecessor. When I hold them both, I can feel it. The Big Boss is also a little buzzier. Normally, this would be a con, but I can’t fault it. Most manufacturers only give us strong and super buzzy, so I’ll accept this level of vibration. The comparison makes me realize, however, that giving the original a 4/5 stars for vibration was really generous. It’s probably only a three; although, the vibrations are the deep kind that I like. The newest model is a buzzy 4-ish. It’s no Hitachi, but it’ll do pig, it’ll do.

The Big Boss also slightly annoys me with the digital motor whine. Mine doesn’t seem cheap, per se, but it seems like something is loose-ish. I can’t say if it’s just mine or the whole line. My G4 Calla didn’t seem that way at all. Regardless, it wasn’t anything so distracting that I couldn’t enjoy the Big Boss. Ultimately, I have a lot of little complaints, and they would have resulted in a negative review for any other toy. The Big Boss didn’t do what I expected, but after a night with it, I was still flushed and sweating and on the other side of several orgasms. Who am I to complain?!

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Body and Soul Connection Vibrator

August 18th, 2012

Body & Soul Connection

Body & Soul Connection
from

This is an archived review of a discontinued item.

This vibe either looks like the eyeball guy from Aah! Real Monsters or a laser robot from the video game Portal. The latter is exactly why I requested to review it, even though another model in the line up looks slightly more turret-like. Unfortunately, all the reasons that would have caused me to pass up this sex toy are exactly the reasons I should have.

It took me less than thirty seconds to realize this, honestly. The vibrations, powered by 2AAA batteries are super buzzy. Although it’s easy enough to switch through them with the single button, there’s not much difference between any of the settings, except for the horrible whine that I could hear over music that I was listening to at the moment. This was common in Lelo’s old toys, but it bugs me whether a toy costs less than $50 or more than $100.

The vibrations are so buzzy that I wouldn’t be surprised if someone told me this was powered by watch batteries. In fact, my body simply stopped being able to feel the vibrations after a few seconds. I kid you not. While the rabbit-ear-like attachments are flexible and rounded in a way that surrounds the clitoris nicely, but the depth of the vibrations is simply too high-pitched to to anything. Honestly, I think I might have liked this a bit more, if the vibrations had been deeper. I’m not surprised that they weren’t. Some folks would suggest that this is “Great for newbies”, but I just can’t see how this vibe is all that good for anyone. Does a person exist who is really, honestly that sensitive?!

Still, while I don’t normally like fluttering rabbit ears, the arms on this guy are a little less flexible. They don’t flop back and forth, and they’re wider, so they really hug my clit in a way that could be effective. I usually like pressure, though, and this design really doesn’t offer that. However, I do like that the single push-button works well when you turn the toy around. There’s technically two ways you can hold this flat against your body/around your clit, and this lets you find the best position for the button.

Connection's annoying battery packThis toy is kind of like the less awesome version of the Form 2, which I already didn’t like and have recently swapped away. The plastic base is round, and this toy is bigger so it’s easier for me to hold. However, you have to twist the bottom directly off from the top to insert the (useless) batteries. The whole thing is awkward, and it uses that quarter-twist style that I always have trouble lining up. Plus, the batteries sit in there vertically, without much support. They fall out pretty easily. Obnoxious, dudes.

At least Jimmyjane got the quality down. The Connection has soft silicone up top and shiny plastic on the bottom, and it’s not seamless in the least. In fact, there’s a visible line between the two portions of the toy, and it looks like a gout line full of gunk. Upon closer inspection, it’s not filled with gunk–thank God!–it’s just that the cut of the plastic is super sloppy. This toy feels low-quality now matter how you cut it.

Given the vibrations and the poor quality, I’m surprised by the MSRP. Luckily, sellers on Amazon offer this for less than half. I don’t know if I’d even spend $25 on this, but that’s a smaller hit to your wallet, if you’re convinced this will work for you.

Am I surprised though? Eh, not really. I almost always need something that uses AAs. The shape here does have some redeeming qualities, but it can’t overshadow all the things that bother me about the Body & Soul Connection.

CEN Sexpert

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

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Wanachi Rechargeable Massager

July 27th, 2012

Wanachi Rechargeable Massager

Wanachi Rechargeable Massager
from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

I’m not going to lie, part of the reason I requested to review the Wanachi Rechargeable Massager is simply because I remember them showcasing it on that one sex toy shopping TV show, the name of which completely escapes me now. I can literally hear one of the hostesses talking about it and, you know, I thought it might be nice to have a rechargeable full-size massager. Both of mine, while powerful and small, require me to tether myself to the outlet. I have pulled my Miracle Massager cord out of the outlet more than once, guys.

As is there were any doubt from the name, this is Pipedream’s Hitachi knockoff. There’s really not much difference as far as I can tell; although I’ve never used a Hitachi. I don’t think I would want to now, to be honest. The box for this vibrator was huge because, well, the vibrator itself isn’t a petite thing. It’s heavier, longer and wider than my Miracle Massager… even combined with my Inspire. I was just not prepared for this monstrosity. The head of this massager is like the size of my fist.

I also wasn’t surprised for it to be charged. I’ve gotten lucky with toys that way, lately. They usually aren’t but this one was. A slider switch let me easily move between the two settings.. and I was immediately disappointed. The vibrations on the lower setting weren’t any stronger than some vibes that take 2AAs or 3 or 4 AAAs. They weren’t as buzzy, sure, but they were just plain weak. Any of the Jopen vibrators blow this one right out of the water.

On the high setting, it wasn’t quite so bad… but it was still like the low on my Miracle Massager or Inspire. The vibrations of the Wanachi Rechargeable Massager were so lackluster that I plugged it in, thinking maybe it wasn’t charged all the way. Unfortunately, it was.

I wish my disappointment had ended there, but it doesn’t. I was resting this hulk (hey, they should make it green!) against my clit, and the edge of the head was doing okay for me, when it just died. Now, I think I’d gotten off once or twice, and I sort of wasn’t paying attention as I finished The Great Gatsby, but the vibrator died well within 30 minutes. That’s right, after I double-charged the thing, it just died.

Now, I wish I could say “whoa! these guys says I should get 3 hours of time,” but I can’t. Honestly, the product description is so freakin’ vague. I’m not sure what the advertised amount of usage is, or how long Pipedream recommends that I charge this vibrator for. Regardless, it wasn’t strong, small, quiet or long-lived enough for my tastes. The only way in which this massager really didn’t disappoint me is with its flexible neck. It’s super flexible. Way more than the Inspire.

I think you might assume that it’s as strong as the Hitachi, but it’s just not. If you want cord-free, take any vibrator that runs on 2AAs. It’ll do you better than the Wanachi Rechargeable Massager, by far.

[Edit]

Oh my god, you guys. This thing is a fuckin’ zombie. I accidentally bumped it on my nightstand, and it works again! I didn’t charge it, I just turned it on and it worked. I’ve been able to get a few more sessions of use out of it. While it’s still weaker than you’d expect, it apparently works longer. I just don’t know why. Perhaps it overheated the first time, which is definitely not a sign of quality. Your guess is as good as mine.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Tantus Splish

July 10th, 2012

Tantus Splish

Tantus Splish
N/A from

While Tantus no longer makes the dual-colored Splish, you can pick up the similar Mini Magma in black or silver for under $30.

Sometimes Tantus makes two very similar toys, like the Flurry and Cush, and you have to try them both to see which one is the best fit. Sometimes they make two toys with a design as similar as the sizes differ. This is the case with the Splish and the Splash. The splish makes a little splish, were you to throw it in a lake. Although, that would be a waste of good silicone. Both dildos have this awesome drippy candle-waxy appearance that is aesthetically pleasing and super easy to feel when inserted. It works really well with the radiant of the silicone, too. These dildos are fucking works of art, man.

The major difference is that Splish is just 4.5″ long and 1″ in diameter. That’s way less than half and inch. It’s tiny, like a finger. In fact, it doesn’t even seem 4.5″ long. It’s a squishy little bugger that you can bend right in half. See Tantus’ comparison photo here. It’s perfect for beginning anal play, but even with a flared base you probably won’t want to use it in a harness. Unless it’s a knee harness. Leverage.

The selling point is that the tiny size lets you hit exactly the right spot and it’s super flexible, too. Don’t let the straight shaft make you think it’s not a G-spotter. On the other hand, while I can easily fell the textures, it wasn’t necessarily pleasurable. It was more business than pleasure. Not my favorite type of G-spot stimulation, if you know what I mean.

The little ridges do make it slightly harder to clean than a smooth shaft, but not much. The shaft itself is pretty glossy and will attract lint, but the base is more of a matte texture. I don’t feel it during use, but it feels interesting while I wash it.

It’s interesting because I really thought I’d prefer the Splish. The Splash just seemed too much, but I think I’m leaning in that direction. Of course, if you need a Tantus toy to fit in your purse, you could do much worse than this one. Like the Delta, for example. SheVibe sells the Splish for a great price, too.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

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Lelo Tiani 2

July 7th, 2012

Lelo Tiania 2

Lelo Tiania 2
from

You can now purchase the Tiani 3.

I’m not sure what took me so long to get this review out. Perhaps it’s because I hate repeating myself, and I’ve already reviewed the original Tiani. So what you need to know is that this is the same vibrator, plus power, a second attachment. There are a few minor tweaks, but the Tiani is mostly the same toy. If you hated it before, you probably won’t love it this go around. If you wished the vibrations were deeper, they’re still not, and if you think the whole idea is stupid, well, it’s still the same idea. But here’s what I do like about the Tiani 2:

  • It’s stronger. The PR material says 55% stronger, but I think it’s more. The vibrations are still surface level, but it takes my body a little longer to become “immune.” I can actually tell the thing is on.
  • The second attachment works much better for my anatomy. The other one is slightly bulbous toward the end, where this one is a little more flat and concave. Ultimately, it feels like it’s cupping my G-spot more, and while this toy isn’t necessarily intended for thrusting, it works better this way… for me. I was actual to squirt pretty easily.
  • The flatter attachment might also be easier, if you’re having trouble with penis or toy insertion while using the Tiani 2, too. (Tutu, hehe).
  • You don’t need the remote for this one. If you’re just playing by yourself, you can press the button on the Tiani itself to go through the settings. You have more control with the remote, which is still something of a gimmick IMO, but this is a nice option.

SenseMotion is novel but not practical in the least. Thank god Lelo still allows you to use the remote normally but there’s two super weird settings you have to pass first. For starters, the first mode relies on the position of the remote. Flip it vertically to raise vibrations, back down to lower them. The controller itself vibrates to offer feedback to the user. That’s kind of a neat idea but also means the controller makes noise so that limits where and when you might be able to use the SenseMotion toys, in my opinion. In the first mode, a back and forth movement simulates pulsation. Well, sort of. There’s this bit delay of between movement and the vibration in the Tiani and it’s hard to get a good rhythm going.

The second mode, which you can activate by pressing the middle of three buttons, simply requires you to move the controller faster to increase the intensity of the vibrations. This means, that if you want to use the vibrations at the highest setting, you need to shake it pretty good.. which also works against it being inconspicuous as so many wireless vibrators aim to be. It’s also tiring and annoying.

The third mode is one where you simply press the + arrow to increase vibrations and the – arrow to decrease. It’s the one I like the most because it makes sense and doesn’t require too much concentration. I wish the controller turned onto this mode instead. There are eight settings, including pulsation and escalation and I swear the controller is more powerful than the Tiani itself.

  • You can control two Tianis with a single remote. This is a really interesting feature, and I think I need to have a threesome now, okay? However, I don’t really have the opportunity to fully explore the improvements with the range and such.

However, I think Lelo has overestimated the “two attachments” thing. It’s really the main one and another. “One extra” would sound more appropriate to me. Additionally, there’s still a couple of annoying things:

  • Tiani’s remote requires batteries. I found them in the box this time, though. So yay..?
  • The cover is finicky and requires a little key to open it. I chipped the paint off mine because the cover is cheap. Seriously, guys, cheap. Cheap. CHEAP! I feel like I’m going to break it by just looking at it.
  • Tiani 2 still comes with too much junk. I’m so over the fancy sex toy boxes, guys. Give me some cardboard and let me toss it, mmkay?

So, what do I say? Yay or nay? I still like the WeVibe better, but if you need something less powerful or if you’re heart’s set on this Lelo toy, definitely get the Tiani 2 over the original.

You’re welcome.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Vanity by Jopen – Vr4.5

June 23rd, 2012

Vanity by Jopen - Vr4.5
from

I am just not having much luck with the Jopen vibes, but I really want to. The most recent round that the company released use the .5 naming. That is, version 4.5, 5.5, et cetera. It’s kind of cute but also kind of confusing because it doesn’t seem like the 4.5, which I received, is actually halfway between versions 4 and VR5, and that’s exactly what I’d expect that sort of nomenclature to denote. Whatever.

So, the 4.5 is the most different from the Jopen toys I’ve tried before. It’s a rabbit-style vibrator, but both the clitoral attachment and the 5″ shaft are quite flexible, which might be good if you tried a similar vibrator–Lelo’s Ina comes to mind–but the design pressed too hard against you. Additionally, the clitoral arm isn’t just a rounded nut, but it has a little extension of silicone that vibrates wildly back and forth when the motor is on, like the rabbit ears of olden days. I always preferred pressing the actual bullet of rabbit vibes against my clit, but others enjoy this lighter, tickly sensation, so the 4.5 brings it back.

The vr 4.5 does many things the same. For example, each part has its own motor, and the two buttons let you operate them independently of one another. You press and hold the buttons to increase the steady vibrations, and a single click turns them back off. It’s a style that feels intuitive and that I like, but because it’s so uncommon, I always have to adjust to it again. The vibrations are damned powerful, even if I didn’t charge the thing the whole way. The silicone is velvety, and the whole thing is rechargeable. The design is intended to be water-resistant.

Like the other Jopen toys I tried, the shaft is very thin near the base but becomes this big bulbous thing at the end. It’s not huge. The diameter is only 1.5″ at the widest, but the way it grows, coupled with the rigidity, means a very painful experience for me. This is nothing new. I have a rather pronounced pubic bone, I think, but it sucks nonetheless. The vibrator and my bones keep fighting for space that just doesn’t exist! Although there is a slightly squishy silicone cover over the shaft, the interior is dead rigid, and this just isn’t the toy for my anatomy.

However, insertion is probably more uncomfortable when you factor in just how flexible the base of the shaft is. The toy doesn’t want to slide in; it keeps bending this way and that. So I applied lube –water-based only with these silicone vibes–and more and more and more.. and it just wasn’t working. The flexibility sounds good on paper but doesn’t work well in practice.

I could just repeat that last sentence for the clitoral stimulator. I find it to be really awkward. While the Vr 4 had an overly-short clit stimulator, this one seems too long. I mean, it’s over half the length of the shaft itself, so it just bunches up awkwardly against my fleshly vulva, and neither the bulbous vibrator nor the soft tickler makes contact where it should. The Vr4.5 is just not meant for my body, it would seem. I’m thinking maybe the Vr3 or 7 are my best bets at this point.

The Vr4.5 is also purple. I don’t mind the purple, but I’m a little sick of it. I think the sheen of this would look great in blue. This vibe comes in a minimal box that’s easy to recycle, and there’s a drawstring bag for storage, along with the wall charger. The bags are so big that they’re unwieldy, in my opinion, but others like them.

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Cutey Wand

June 22nd, 2012

Cutey Wand

Cutey Wand
from

This is an archived review of a discontinued item.

I don’t own very many wands. There used to be, like, two: the Hitachi and the Hitachi knockoff. Now, there’s a lot. There are luxury ones, rechargeable wands, and mini options, like the Cutey Wand. So, the Cutey Wand. It’s tiny and got little jewels on the end. I’ll give it cute. I’ll give it wand-shaped. The naming isn’t spectacular by any means, but it’s not quite as annoying as we’ve all seen.

When I say tiny, I mean slightly longer than my finger. This is a pretty travel-friendly toy, if you only consider size. The dial base isn’t the easiest to accidentally turn on while sitting in your purse, but there’s no lock feature. Like the larger cousins, the Cutey Wand has a flexible head. It’s extremely flexible, in fact. You might not like this if you like a lot of pressure, which I do.

The head has a soft silicone casing with ridges along the side. I have to be honest, I’m not sure what the ridges are supposed to do. They’re visually interesting.. sort of, but they don’t add anything. I’m more likely to use the very top of the head or maybe the top edge. The head doesn’t have as much of a surface area as a larger wand, but I’m probably going to hold it in place rather than move it so I can feel the texture. It’s also potentially a place for you to miss when cleaning the wand, which is a bit frustrating.

However, cleaning is much easier because the Cutey Wand is water-resistant. You don’t want to try to drown it, but you can breathe easy that you’re not going to break it if you rinse off some gunk under the faucet. This is thanks to the O-ring at the end of the battery compartment, which easily screws on.

And those batteries? They’re six watch batteries. If they fall out, it’s really a hassle to get them back in there. You might consider just throwing it away once you use up the batteries, because it’s such a pain. Because the wand uses tiny watch batteries that won’t last forever, I can see this being the type of vibe that winds up in the bottom of some drawer after you use up the included batteries. It’s probably not a good selling point, but it’s true.

Those six batteries take up enough space that Blush Novelties could’ve just used a single AAA or AA. That would probably offer more power. The vibrations are advertised as powerful, but they’re quite buzzy. The few extra batteries are an improvement over those tiny bullets, but there’s not enough variation between the lower and highest settings. Of course, this one doesn’t have any pulsation or other settings, which is fine by me. I usually find them forgettable.

So, aside from size, I’m not really floored by the Cutey wand. At the very least, I want something stronger, and even if I were okay with the vibrations, the sheer number of required batteries is ridiculous. I mean, you have to buy two three-packs every time your vibrator dies. That’s not cool, man, not cool.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

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